Saturday, February 20, 2010

Tired of writing

I just realized that I actually still have an active multiply account :P I haven't been too active on it, as I've really just used facebook or plurk to post whatever thoughts i have.

The blog section had been dead for nearly a year since I'm a tad tired of writing. I do it for work, and using it for a release can be counter intuitive at times. So I just decided on playing around with some pictures again.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Can someone teach me how to Jump?

Right now, I'm inside a starbucks here in Gateway mall, drinking a tall White chocolate mocha, listening to music through my Audio Technica ATH-SJ3 headphones, and typing this blog on a Asus EEE 1000HE netbook.

Before you say that I'm nothing more than a boastful S.O.B., bear with me for a second since there's a purpose for that. (Although I would admit that I'm pretty proud of the headphones and the netbook)

Looking at my blog, I realized that the last post was made way back in March. March 13 to be exact, a post that tried to be a tribute to Francis M. So what have I done since? Well nothing really new or exciting or anything. For the past few months, I've busied myself with work, writing articles, press releases, Blogs, and other copies for the web, add to that my freelance gig of writing some tech pieces for a blog, and that's basically what ate up my time.

Now that I look at it, I think it's kind of weird that for the past 3 months I've really done nothing else but work. From what I can recall, ever since March (perhaps even earlier) I've already resigned myself from the job. I was already unhappy with it, and I have already thought about quitting so many times. However, it seems that I never got around to actually quitting. It was always, next week, next month, next bonus, or whatever else, but I never really got around to quitting. As my friend, and former fellow employee Gab, said Puro ka lang naman salita, di mo naman ginagawa. Of course he was a bit of an authority about it, after all he was the one who quit when he said that I want to quit, and did it immediately, bonus or whatever else be damned.

And here I am, it's already July, and I'm still stuck. I've thought about it a lot and started thinking about the reasons on why am I still here.

When other people ask me why I stayed, One of the reasons I always say was the bonus. After all money is money and I sure could use some of it. However, I realize now that money is quite a moot point. I'm still living with my parents, so I really don't have to spend that much on housing, food, or utility expenses. I've also saved quite an amount of money from my 10 months of working, and have even acquired the things that I don't need but really want (the Headphones, the netbook, and enough money to spend when I need a time out).

Taking the bonus and other money concerns out of the equation, I think the real reason is that I'm simply too scared to jump and let go. It's a lack of confidence that I can handle the change of not being able to find a new place to work in. After all, my current work is as close to a sure thing as possible. The pay is okay, I do pretty well with the tasks required, and I don't really have any attendance issues or whatsoever, so I have some confidence that I won't be let go by the company.

I'm blogging and thinking about the topic now, because I just received my bonus. The bonus was my self appointed deadline for when I would pass my resignation. It's quite funny since I had always been sure that once I received the money, I would turn and go. But right now, I'm still scared. While I know that I'm quitting, I can't shake that doubt in my mind. I know that I would resign, but I can't seem to put myself in the mind frame that I would "just do it" there's always this cloud in my head that says Are you sure?

So... Can someone teach me how to jump?

Friday, March 13, 2009

Francis M.

"let the sun shine, let the rivers run away, coz its a beautiful day now, to play now"

This post talks about regret. As usual, this blog post talks about myself. However, Perhaps I should also count this, as my tribute to Francis M.

No, we did not know each other and one of my biggest regrets was that I never got to meet him.

He was probably my first musical idol. I remember when I was still in kinder 2, when I would bring a cassette of the album Meron akong Ano! and ask them to repeatedly play it on the tape player. Being 6 years old, I was just amused at how fast he can speak, and how catchy the tune of Meron akong ano (meron akong kwento, a wala wala wala wala), how cool ayoko sa dilim (nagdidilim ang paningin, ang paninging umiiitim, ayoko na dito, ayoko sa dilim!) sounded. I also loved the ballad feel of the song called Nilamon ng Sistema ( I always remembered the lines

(…at siya'y pinag-buhatan ng kamay, si inay nagsusugal doon sa madyungan napakasakit kapag walang humahagkan, because of the way he sang it). Little did I know that behind those catchy tunes were lyrics that spoke of a plethora of topics about the deepest ills of our society.

I was literally bringing it everyday that my uncle just decided to copy the cassette to a blank tape and created a mixtape with my favorite songs in the album So that I would be able to bring something to the school bus without destroying the entire album. Apparently, my uncle noticed that I kept on rewinding and fast forwarding to my favorite tracks which he said hastened the deterioration of the tape. Kuya Vic, the driver of the school bus, even noticed my fanaticism (perhaps aided by the fact that I came to the school bus one day wearing a vest and screaming HUWAG KANG MAHIHIYA KUNG ANG ILONG MO AY PANGO!) that he bought me a signed picture of Francis M.

I was so thrilled about it until my Aunt made me realize that it was kuya vic who did the signing. I didn't believe her at first, but then I realized that the chance that our school bus Driver knows francis m. is slim.

When I got my own cassette player, not sure if it was the aiwa or the sony "walkman", perhaps about a couple of years later, I was able to listen to more of his tracks, aside from meron akong ano, i got my uncle's copy of Rap is Francis M. I did enjoy listening to Halalan and mga praning. Now a bit more knowledageable about things, I was able to now understand some of the deeper meanings of his tracks. This trend continued with my uncle consistenly buying his other albums such as Freeman, oddventures of (I'm pretty sure there were others but these were those that I remember).

Hmm so where does regret come in? Well as some of you may know, I don't really own this house in cubao. Despite the fact that I've been here all my life, we just rent this place. Durng my high school years, my paretns decided to build a house all the way in Antipolo... It was a bit new at that time, so everyone was curious about the neighbors. And it turns out that Francis M. was an owner of one of the houses in that neighborhood.

And remember, that picture that Kuya Vic gave? Well I wanted a true one this time, I wanted to meet my musical idol. And being neighbors (well not really next door neighbors, more like subdivision mates) I felt that I had a better chance this time. I remember a halloween party in the clubhouse with him coming as a pirate (my memory is quite hazy, but i'm pretty sure it was him). I also remember seeing him in a few masses at the clubhouse. Also, I actually remember when I went to the clubhouse swimming pool and swam with his daughters and one of his sons. To add more to that, my cousin is actually good friends with his son, and his daughters are both ateneans.

Despite that proximity however, I never got his picture, or his autograph. I had been given all the chances to have an encounter with greatness and I was apparently too busy, too shy, or too stupid to take advantage of it. Regrets.

Upon Francis M's death people were quick to showcase his other skills. How he delved in photography, film making, and other activities. How he was supposed to be a good father, husband and friend. I just realized that in contrast to me, this was someone who probably lived his life so as not to regret anything. He had been shown his opportunities and he grabbed them with whatever he had.


Sunday, March 08, 2009

I have spent a lot of time at the office just playing the game in this website.

[Note before continuing: I am not promoting the website or being arrogant about my disdain for my work. It just so happened that Sheenah introduced me to this website while we were working, and since our monthly task assignments did not arrive until Friday morning. I spent a lot of time last week playing it.

I have no idea if my boss would fire me or get angry for me for doing this at work (although I have no qualms about getting out of work), but at the very least, I can defend it by saying that it's part of my training as a writer :) Perhaps I could say Improved typing speeds would help me do my work better.]

So typeracer is a website wherein you get to compete against people in typing. Some quotes from movies, songs, books and even video games (I got a Bioshock one recently) appear and it's up to you to type it in the fastest way possible.

Actually I rediscovered something about myself while I was playing type racer. Aside from my average typing speed, I am recently at 80 wpm, I found out how stupidly competitive I can get. While I was typing away, I can't help but try to zone in, and keep on typing to try and beat not just competitiors but my previous score.

But then I realized that this is not an accurate representation of my typing speed. After all, when I'm typing work or even this blog I don't really zone in or anything. So I said, okay I'll try relaxing and just going to do it in my "normal state".

The things is, I realized that I can't seem to turn it off and relax. I tried but right after finishing the first 2-3 words I tend to go to the frantic mode and just type and type away. I hate it since I can't get my normal type rate hehe.

And again it kills me. I'm not a good typer. My fingers are not in the proper position, and I don't return to the homerow as I type. That's why i'm stuck at the 80-85wpm level. This gets really really frustrating when I race against people who are able to reach 90-150 wpm

I think this is a microcosm of how I actually live my life. Sometimes I want to relax and take things slowly but more often than not I get caught up in the race to succeed. The race to be happy.

[play against me sometime :) my username is GoldenX]

Saturday, February 21, 2009


Sa mga panahong nagiisa ka, dun mo mapagtatanto ang kahalagahan ng mga kasama.

Siguro kung nagbabasa ka talaga ng mga sinsusulat ko rito, mahihinuha mong hindi ako gaanong masaya sa takbo ng buhay ko. Masyado akong naaapektuhan sa mga bagay-bagay tungkol sa aking paghahanap ng trabaho at hindi ko maitatangging nalulungkot ako dahil wala pang nangyayari.

Tulad ng karamihan, ang pagdating ng Biyernes ay ang isa sa aking mga inaasahang araw. Ang ibig sabihin kasi nito ay tapos na ang aking gawain para sa linggo, pwede ng magpahinga, pwede ng bawiin ang tulog at puyat na nagmula sa paggising ng maaga para pumasok. Sabi nga Thank God It's Friday!

Subalit, gaya nga ng aking nasabi sa aking unang naisulat, ang pagdating ng Biyernes ay isang hudyat ng pagkabigo. Pag dating ng biyernes at wala pa ring tawag ay nangangahulugang lumipas na muli ang isang linggo at hindi pa rin ako tinatanggap. Thank God It's Friday?

Usually, I go out with some of my friends during Fridays. During the past few weeks, despite the conflicts, issues and all the crappy things that I had to endure, those little gatherings, dinners and talks were invigorating in the sense that it gave something to look forward to at the end of the week. I usually saw them as outlets of fun. A fun that had been hindered by the drama that I have put into my life.

However, yesterday was a bit of a change of pace. We didn't really schedule anything that week not to mention that they were also quite busy with their lives with some academic and work related stuff. My friend told me that she'd text me if ever she had some extra time but I don't think it really panned out, or she forgot about it.

I took it as an opportunity to be alone for that night. Maybe it's in that silence, and in that solitary moment that I would be able to be more relaxed or at the very least find that calmness to get me through the next week. So I went to a Starbucks in gateway. It's my usual hang out but now it's devoid of the usual baristas that I've befriended through the years save for Aileen. I was there for about 20-30 minutes until I got really bored and really frustrated again. So far alone time wasn't really working.

I decided to take a walk around Araneta Center. But too much walking without anyone to talk to, or anyone to listen to save for music from my mp3 player got really tiring. It just reminded me of the frustrating walk I did earlier in the day.

What hit me was realizing just how much friends played a role in helping me out through these frustrating times. It wasn't really just an outlet of my frustration, but are really critical in being able to balance my frustration with at least some happiness in me. It wasn't just the advices they gave, or the fun things we do together, it's also in the similar problems they told me about, their own frustrations, and all those other stuff.

I guess camaraderie is really important to me, especially right now. I mean i always saw myself as someone who is a bit of a loner. While I've always been quite sociable, I felt that I've set myself up in such a way that when push comes to shove, I'd be able to still accomplish things on my own.

Now, I'm not saying that I've changed and that I've become that need person who would always have to run to friends when things turn sour. However, I became more aware how friends are able to make things just a bit easier.


Moral of the story:
Sa susunod na magkaproblema ako, sisiguraduhin ko na hindi busy ang mga kaibigan ko :P


Kahapon natapos ang ikalawang linggo ng aking paghihintay. Inaasahan ko ang isang tawag mula sa isang kumpanya kung saan ako ay sumubok makapasok. Nang matapos kasi ang aming paguusap ukol sa possibilidad na makapasok ako sa kanilang kumpanya ay sinabihan ako na tatawagan nila ako ko sa loob ng dalawa o tatlong linggo.

Lumipas ang isang linggo at walang tawag na dumating. Sinabi ko sa sarili ko na ayos lang. Siguro mahaba lang ang processing period nila. Ngunit hindi ko ipagkakaila na umaasa na ako na tatawag sila kaagad at sasabihin na nila na "Congratulations Mico, welcome to our team..."

Para lang malinaw, hindi naman sa hindi ako nagiging masaya sa kasalukuyan kong trabaho. Mabait ang mga tao doon, kasama na ang boss ko. Hindi rin ganon katindi ang hirap ng trabaho at ang sweldo naman ay sapat. Marami rin akong mga bagay bagay na natutunan na sa palagay ko ay hindi ko maaring makuha sa ibang paraan. Subalit may mga bagay lang akong hinahanap at hinahangad para sa aking sarili na hindi sa aking palagay ay hindi ko makukuha kung mananatili ako sa kasalukuyan kong industriya na pinagtratrabahuhan. Mayroon ding mga bagay na sa aking palagay ay hindi tumutugma sa kakarampot na prinsipyo ko sa buhay.

Lalong tumindi ang pag asa ko sa pagdating ng tawag na iyon noong ikalawang linggo. Dahil siguro sinabi noong babae sa akin, sabi nga niya "we'll call you in 2-3 weeks" at eto na ang second week, kaya mataas na ang pagkakataon na tumawag sila. Pero yun nga dumating ang biyernes, at walang nangyari. Lumipas nanaman

Pagasa - Hope.

For each day last week, I can't help but think about it. I work in a 9-6 shift and for every hour of that shift, I expect the ringing of my fone, Hoping to get the results of what happened during the interviews.

"Let me tell you something my friend. Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane. "[from the movie the Shawshank redemption]

For every hour that I waited, I always had to end the day with that disappointment that I was not able to get what I hoped for. Nearly every second of my 30-40 minute walk from the office to the train station is filled with thoughts of why am i here, and why am i STILL here.I've slowly lost confidence in the idea that my interview had gone well. I had slowly lost confidence in my ability.

I think that being given that chance to hope is something that has been a double edged sword for me. I think that to hope for a brighter future does inspire me but in the same way, when days pass and what I had hoped for does not happen it crushes me, it slowly drives me insane.

I think that it has something to do with expectation. Perhaps hope always had that expectation that things will succeed. Unfortunately, I haven't been ablee to separate my expectation, my reality, and my hope.

In the same movie it was also said that "hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies." The third week starts tomorrow. So I'll still hope.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Sunday Romance

While admittedly not the most devout of Catholics, I regularly go to Sunday Mass. I attribute this to two reasons;the first is that my family usually hears mass when my dad is here and I don't want to be the one left behind in the house, and the other one is that I always see it as an opportunity to learn. I'm not talking about Religious teachings per se, but all kinds of life lessons that I may pick up from whatever sermon, teachings, or events that happen while I'm in church.

Last Sunday, February 8, I went to the 5:00pm Mass at gateway mall. There were available seats but I decided to stand somewhere beside the chairs since I felt that if I sat down, my mind would begin to wander. While at the mass I saw this little girl who was enjoying herself at the mass. She was running from row to row and was bascially smiling and playing with the other church goers. I was amused to see her being all happy like that, while all others were trying to be all solemn and prayerful, and she being able to get away with it.

Her noise, while cute at times, is admittedly louder than a ringing cell phone and aside from a few taps and stern looks her parents really didn't even try to hush it. I was quite amused that when you consider the looks that people give when they hear a ringing phone ("ano ba yan ang ingay naman di man lang nag silent mode") and compare it to the wailings of a little girl that is much more disruptive, people tend to get angrier at the phone. Perhaps this is valid, I am not one to judge, i just observed that. The perks of being a kid I guess.

However. This is not the main realization of this story...

A few rows away was another girl. A bit older, but still young enough to seek some enjoyment in a mass that perhaps she would deem boring. She happened to glance at the child in front of her and decided to play. She decided to have fun. Simply put, she wanted to be happy.

So she went towards the girl. SHe played with her. They were playing a variant of hide and seek, tag, and magicians all at once. And standing from my corner and looking at them I can see that they were both happy.

I was thinking about it, and realized how different it is when people grow older. People lose that capability to just go for it, to just go for what makes you happy. damn the world if they would look at you in a weird way, or if tradition doesn't allow such communication to occur. The kid would just go for it. Yes, she may get some funny looks after it, but it's not gonna take away the fact that for that moment that she decided to go and reach out, to move towards and play, they had fun.

The perks of being a kid i guess.

Thursday, January 29, 2009


For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these, 'It might have been.'

These words can describe my sudden philosophical shift

2008 part 2

Ok, part 2 of this post

As mentioned in the previous post, my 2008 was basically divided into 3 parts. I took care of the remaining school thingies so the next part is the unemployment months.

I already did a recap of my work misadventures in another post (here and here). So I wouldn't really go into details. I guess what I would just say about it was that it was quite a humbling experience for me. Doing nothing for nearly half a year was very frustrating. Not to toot my own horn but I always felt that I had the skills to be able to land a job that I would like quite easily. But knowing that I was still unemployed for all those months and seeing my classmates/blockmates/ and other friends finding a job that they like, it really did make me feel inadequate.

It was also one of those times that I truly regretted not giving my all during my stay in school. I always ended up saying that perhaps if I did well enough, or pushed myself to do better and got stand out grades perhaps I wouldn't have too many problems in employment. Now, I realize that grades are not the be all and all of employment but at the time I really felt that if I had graduated with all those honors and recognition thingies, things would have been a lot easier.

Well that's that, for more information just read the previous post.

So the next part would be the working months. I worked at an IT Outsorucing company as a technical writer. As readers may surmise I'm not really that good at writing. I'm more of just typing in white heat and seeing how the words plan out. So to actually earn a living as someone who has to write a bunch of words every day was quite difficutl. However, I guess I worked in that company not just because I needed the money but more on the fact that I liked the company. From the people at HR to the team of writers, and even to the guy who brought us food, I really had fun with the interactions I had with them.

And that's basically the wrap up for the year.

I guess here's the list thing again that I tend to do for every year end post.

Thanks to:

-James Wyson:
Same as last year. It's great to know that you have someone who helps you when you need it.
-Hans Huvalla, Richmond Fang, Alex Junia, Deneb Plazuela, Jelyn Baccay, Micci Venzon:
A combination of my CTK and LS groupmates. The combination of those two classes during the last college months were probably one of the most stressful months of college. Fortunately I had these people as my groupmates. I know that they'd pick up the slack whenever I'm not doing well hehe
-Mich Cruz, Kathy Calilao, Bon Cabiladas, Abbi Luz, Rom Guanzon
Theology immersion was one of the more memorable things in my life,
- Block R2
One of the better things that happened in college was being able to meet this diverse group of people and share the whole college experience with them.
- Mavie Bompat, Pam De Leon, Cathy Moscare
These were the people that I got quite close to while i was working. We spent so many hours together be it in the office or in the videoke rooms. It really made my first job quite enjoyable.
- LWS people

As mentioned before, it wasn't really the work that made me enjoy going to the office, it's the people. Gelo, Josh, Aika, Joseph, Leslie, Erma, Jake, Fritzie, Kathy, Mikay, Mikko, James, Ate Maja, Ms. Kristine, Ate Rachel, IIvy, Chat and Bangge
- Cindy
Just before the year ended, I went to Singapore. And I met an internet friend. It was very nice of her to tour me around and even treat me to some local delicacies, especially considering that it was the first time that we met.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

2008 part 1

I know this post is quite late but I was fortunate to immediately find work right after the Christmas break that I really did not have the time to post. Well that's not fully true, the thing is, in my previous job and even the job that I'm currently holding, I work as a writer. And well to write a post after writing for so many hours while at the office (or at home in the last few weeks of December) tends to be quite tiring hehe.

I think stripped off all the events, the mere fact that it was the year 2008 would already be highly memorable for me. This is of course because 2008 was the year when I was supposed to graduate, and graduation tends to generate a lot of emotions for someone. Graduation signifies that end to a life of academic education (of course there's masters but let's not get too ahead of the post) and a beginning of a new life, as a student of the "real world."

How was my 2008 like? I would probably break it down into 3 main parts, the final 3 months of my college life, the unemployment period (April to September) and finally finding work (Late september to present).

The final 3 months of college was quite hectic but very memorable. My group mates and I had to submit a CTK paper as well as an LS paper as part of the requirements. There was also the portfolio that I had to create for my drawing class, theology immersion and presentation, and some more papers for my Philosophy and Feature Writing classes. Of course, there are also the exams, both oral and written, that I had to take care of.

Out of all those requirements, I guess what really stands out was the Theology Immersion. I don't think I made a post about it, (probably was too caught up with having to do other things, but I remember posting the pictures here). It was a standout event because I can actually see it as some sort of a culminating activity for my 3 years in SPEED. Being able to play with special kids, and forming a special bond with them (especially the two Pauls) gives me that (corny as this may seem, or even out of character with what people perceive me to be) sense of inner joy and fulfillment. I vividly remember cleaning up with Leslie after a kid who peed on himself, chatting with new found friends at the sari sari store while the kids were sleeping, carrying around a kid on my shoulders as my work out, and of course, racing a wheel chair around the cottolengo grounds during the last day (although we lost the competition). The presentation we did about the presentation was arguably one of my more memorable ones, I don't remember ever having done a presentation where I really felt involved and not just doing it for the sake of grades. The group orals/finals for theo class was one of the best I ever had, hearing Father Pat Giordano saying, "I don't have to ask you any more questions, you can't raise your grade anymore, it's too high."

The task for our classes was one of the more stressful moments I had in college. It was quite frustrating, especially when the two of them are competing with the very limited time a student has for doing school work. This is especially true since LS required a whole lot of reports and was a 7:30 class. At 7:30 it was quite difficult to find time to cram the report. I mean if it was a bit later, we could have probably met during the day and done the parts we needed to do. But through talent, will, and some help from every other student who were in that class, I guess we were able to pull through.

CTK on the other hand was quite weird. It was one of the moments where I was not fully confident in what I was doing. I mean I think my groupmates trusted me but honestly I was not trusting myself. I guess that's why I had to call and email and contact a some of my friends who I believe are well versed in IT and marketing just to do my part in the paper. I'd be lying if I said the defense of the paper was a success hehe. It was one of the more "amusing" moments of all my defense life, I am known as someone who talks a lot, or at least defends whatever point I chose to take but during this defense, I can't find any word to say that can help. As Richmond put it, "that defense left a bad taste in the mouths." Fortunately, while the defense exposed our faults in some aspects, the other parts of the paper were good enough to carry us to an Ok grade.

Lost among the paper work was having to make this huge poster for art class. It was quite difficult since at that time I already lost all my belief that I was an art genius and I just didn't know it. Tracy's excellent work didn't help matters as I found how utterly worthless my works are hehe. But I guess Sir Goco saw the effort that I put into the works that I do (all effort + no talent ) and gave me a good enough grade.

After all the requirements were passed, there was really nothing to do but to wait and see if we would graduate. I guess I did well enough and I graduated :)

This post is going too long, so I'll just post them in parts. Haha the next part would hopefully be posted tomorrow

Monday, October 13, 2008


October 13,2008

I havent felt like this in a long time. The funny thing is, I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be feeling this way. To be more precise about it, I'm not sure if i have a right to be this hurt? or this diasspointed . Feeling this way actually makes me think about you and me. It makes me wonder about what you mean to me and what I mean to you.

I had always wondered how we would start acting when we see each other. Perhaps deep inside me, those childhood, well immaturities (your term not mine) still linger. Yes I understand that it had been awhile, that we had gone our separate ways, found new people to enthrall and amuse us, but given this time, and situation, a time where you and I are drifters again, where you and I talk again, that immaturity once again comes out from that depth...

Deep inside me there was this feeling that meeting you would be the spark that lights something. What that something is, I myself don't know. Romance, love, a deeper sense of friendship, again I have no idea. But I had always wanted to find out.

Find out what I felt for you, and you for me. As for now I think all that I can say is that I liked you, Yeah I really really liked you. At the very least, I liked you enough to hope.

To hope, yes but to hope for what? Is it simply meeting you? Is it simply wishing that those promises we made be fulfilled? Sitting here in front of the computer at this hour while thinking about it is quite amusing actually. It reminds me of those immature days (again your words) when we basically spent hours in the same set up, just talking to each other. Believing that these chats, messages and late night conversations are merely steps to something better.

Little did we know that even after 5 years these would still be the only steps we have. It is frustrating and amusing at the same time. Frustrating for obvious reasons, but amusing because even after all these years, I never let go, perhaps you never did too. After 5 years, both of us still believe in immature promises.

I wrote this last night actually. I was in that certain moment when you wanted to feel sad, bad or really emotional. Writing to to find that feeling of "catharsis" afterwhat happened. I'm not mad or sad anymore. Writing this really helped release all those pent up emotions inside. I don't know (and to a certain extent, care) if she reads this or not, Just laying it out in words was enough to make me realize some things as well as make me feel better.

Every New Beginning Comes from some other beginning's end

So continuation to ng aking misadventures...

Pagkatapos kay Bank B, ay sa isang new media arm ng isang sikat na kumpanya dyaan sa may Kamuning. Itago na lang natin siya sa pangalang Company G. Well eto naman ay dahil may dati akong blockmate na nagtratrabaho na sa kumpanyang eto at sinabi niya sa akin na may opening daw sa position na na Product Development officer. So ayun nagpunta ako, application, initial interview, at sa palagay ko eto na ang dream job ko... Lahat na halos ng hinahanap kong gawain, nandun na; ang trabaho tungkol sa websites, site design, site details and specifications, eh high school pa lang gawain ko na. Tapos magandang pangalan pa yung company, medyo big shot, and finaly malapit pa sa bahay! kontra sa takbo ng traffic na papuntang makati! So ayun sumunod ang interview with the VP. Sinagot ko ang tanong niya ng maayos, sa palagay ko lahat ng sinabi ko ay malinis at tugma sa mga hinihingi niya at at at ang ending eh we'll call you in a week after we finish all our interviews ang sinabi. (parang narinig ko na ata to dati). So dahil dito eh medyo pinause ko ang application ko sa lahat ng kumpanya. Dream Job eh tapos sa palagay ko pa ang ganda ng sagot ko at pasado naman ang credentials ko. Kaso ayun lumipas nanaman ang panahon, at tila nasira ang calendars sa office ng company G.

So nung medyo napaghahalata ko na na walang patutunguhan ang Company G, eh nag apply na muli ako. Isa sa mga una kong naapplyan sa Jobstreet ay ang positiong marketing assistant sa isang restauarnt chain na itatago natin sa pangalang C.G, Sa. C.G ang interview at testing ay dun sa isang branch nila sa may ortigas.  So syempre pumunta ako, nag test, at nag interview, tapos tinawagan ako ng kinagibahan sabi mag final interview ka dyan sa may cubao. Aba wow jackpot! dito sa may cubao! Kaso ang ending eh napunta sa ibang tao ang posisyon. So wala pa rin... pero maganda rin ang pagkasabi nung GM nila. Sabi niya sa akin ayaw daw niya ng atenista, kasi naniniwala sya na may "yabang" (hindi mayabang, hindi negative to) sa atenista. Yun bang tipong syempre pag may nag offer na multi-national company sayo ng mas malaki sa kaya nilang ibigay, kahit papano maiisip mo yung education na natanggap mo sa isang prestihiyosong paaralan ay tama lang na bigyan ng magarang sweldo. Atenista rin daw kasi yung GM nila hehe.

So ayan medyo 5 months from graduation eh wala pa rin akong trabaho. Tapos surpise surprise tumawag ulit si Bank B. Isa nanaman daw test at interview, sabi ko actually po nakapag test na ako at nakapaginterview, nakagawa na nga po ako nung app form. Kaso nawala na raw nila yung files ko so take na lang ulit at interview na alng ulit. Ayun naipasa ko naman, kaso hindi na sila muling tumawag pa ahaha

Tapos eto na, tumawag na ang LWS media. Sobrang tagal na nito, jobfair pa lang ata sa ateneo, eh nagpasa na ako ng application form dito. Hindi dahil sa gusto ko sya, pero dahil trip ko lang gawing brochure sa restaurant ang resume ko. Nakakaaliw, dahil kung iisipin ang dahilan ng pagkapasok ko sa LWS media ay ang mismong blog na to. Sabi sa akin nung boses sa telepono (si Ms. Arlene ata yun) it says here that you rate yourself a 9 in blogging... Kaya ko lang naman nilagay yun dahil naniniwala ako sa kakayahan ko sa pagsulat ng blogs. Ang solitary cross na tipong high school pa lang ako eh nandun na, tapos ang multiply pang ito... Pero hindi kasi kaagad natapos ang job hunt ko sa tawag na yun. Pumunta pa ako sa opisina nila para magtest (dahil si Ms. Arlene hindi nagemail!! nung test na pwede naman palang gawin sa bahay) tapos may interview dapat kaso hindi ko nasipot. May nangyari kasi so nagtext na lang ako kay Ms. A at sinabing, sorry po, emergency lang.

Kinabukasan ng pangyayaring yun sa LWS ay pumunta naman ako sa Company SY, Isang telephony company dyan sa may makati. Ok naman ang interview, at sa palagay ko naman nasagot ko ng tama yung personality test (hindi pa ata ako baliw). Kaso ayun medyo hindi na rin umaandar ang  calendars nila dahil yung sabing we'll call you in one or two weeks ay medyo hindi pa rin dumarating!

So pagkalipas ng ilang oras, tumawag naman ang company na gumagawa ng sabon at shampoo at pamahid sa kili-kili (medyo mahirap syang gawan ng pantagong pangalan dahil isang letter pa lang alam mo na). So ayun nag test ako sa opisina nila sa makati. Test tapos antay ng tawag as usual, pero bago pa man din sila makatawag ay...

Inunahan na sila ng kakulitan ni Ms. Arlene ng LWS Media. Tumawag syang muli at sinabing magtest ako. Eh nakapagtest na ako, so interview na alng daw ang kulang. So ayun nung lunes september 22, 2008 eh ininterview ako ni Ma'm Kristine, ang HR director nila, at kinabukasan din, isa na akong writer para sa LWS Media.

March 31,2008 hanggang September 23,2008 eh unemployed ako.
Mahabang panahon rin kung tutuusin. Maaring sabihing nasayang na panahon  pero kapag tinitignan ko ang paligid ko, pag kinakausap ko ang mga kaopisina ko ngayon, at tinatanaw ang nakaraan, naiisip ko na marami akong natutunan dahil sa mahabang panahon na yun at  naiisip ko rin na kung hindi ko tinahak ang mahabang daan na yun, ay hindi ako mapapadpad sa kung nasaan ako ngayon.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

The End Is the Beginning Is the End

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Yan na ang huling araw na nag lagay ako ng kung ano mang post dito. Nakakaaliw dahil Marso pa lang ata matagal ko nang ginustong magsulat tungkol sa mga nangyayari sa buhay ko. Pero wala masyadong gana dahil abala ako sa pagiging unemployed.

Maraming beses ko nang inisip na sige magsusulat ako. Kaso pumusta ako sa sarili ko, sabi ko magsusulat ako kapag nakahanap na ako ng trabaho. Eh ayun malay ko bang aabutin ako ng halos 7 buwan bago man lang ako makahanap ng trabaho. Kaya ngayon gusto kong balikan ang lahat ng kaya kong alalahanin mula sa mga lumipas na buwan.

Uunahin ko na dun sa bago kong laruan. Nung nakatapos ako ng college, binigyan ako ng tito ko ng isang bagay na matagal ko nang inaasam asam, isang DSLR. Sabi ko dati sa sarili ko,  wala man akong skill dito sa photography, pag meron ako nito, feeling ko gagaling ako. Ayun nabigyan nga, meron na akong Canon Rebel XT (350d sa mga ayaw sa north american branding, pwede ring Canon Kiss N kung japan ang trip mo)

Eto sya:

Canon 350D + 18-55mm Kit Lens and 50mm/f2.8 lens.

Gusto kong isiping tama ako. Naniniwala ako na gumaling nga ako. Pero sa palagay ko hindi ito dahil sa nabigyan ako ng magandang camera, pero dahil sa nagkaroon ako ng panibagong interes sa Photography. Ang pagresearch, pag hanap ng mga tutorials ay nagsimula dahil sa kagustuhang magamit ko ang regalo ng tito ko sa kanyang pinakaibuturang kakayahan (to its full potential).

Marami na rin akong mga kuha na talagang nagustuhan ko (click to enlarge)

Mula sa masayang laruan, e dun naman tayo sa medyo malungkot na parte ng buhay ko. Nung magtapos ako ng kolehiyo, kaagad akong naghanap ng trabaho. Hindi naman dahil sa workaholic ako, pero medyo di ko lang gusto ng nabuburo sa bahay. Wala na kasing allowance na pwedeng ipunin, kaya wala ng masyadong pang gimik. Kaso gaya nga ng nabanggit kanina medyo natagalan ang application ko. Madalas tuloy Iniisip ko kung malas lang ba ako, o talagang tanga sa pag apply.

Ang pinakauna kong application na naprocess ay sa company na itatago natin sa pangalang A. Ang A ay isang IT outsourcing company dito sa may cubao at meron din sa may pioneer. Kung di ako nagkakamali, nagaaral pa nga ako nung mga panahong nagtest ako dun. Nung interview-han/ hiring na, medyo napaatras ako. Hindi naman sa mukha akong pera o anu-man pero medyo hindi kasi malaki yung offer, tapos hindi pa ako dun ipwepwesto sa building sa tapat namin. So napatanggi ako. Ayos lang naman dahil ang travel ko lang naman ay mga 5 minutes mula opisina kung saan ako ininterview hanggang bahay ko.

Pagkatapos ay sa isang advertising company sa may Timog na itatago natin sa pangalang D.A.  Sa jobstreet ko ata napulot ang application dito at Production Coordinator ang position. First interview ko ata talaga to kung tutuusin, medyo di ko kasi tinuturing na matinong interview yung A haha (parang feel ko eh damay lang ako ng mass hiring needs nila). Sinamahan ako ng ninang ko hanggang opisina nila at ayun na. Okay pa naman daw ang credentials ko, Okay rin ang sagot ko, maliban sa isa! May tinanong sa akin na hindi ko nasagot ng tama, at medyo kinabahan ako at wala nag panic at ayun basura na ang application. Doon ko na rin unang narinig ang napakasayang We'll call you in a week. Siguro nasira ang kalendaryo nila dahil hindi pa sila tumatawag hanggang ngayon.

Sumunod naman dito ay ang company I. Isang BPO sa eastwood. Nagwalk in test ako kasama ang kaibigan ko, at awa ng diyos naipasa ko naman. Nainterview na rin ako nung HR ,at endorsed para interviehin ng bigwigs. At nainterview na nga ako ng mga bossing, tapos tapos tapos biglang nagiba ang ihip ng hangin. Ang inoffer na position eh something about E-learning kaso ang oras eh yung tipong gising ka pag tulog na ang lahat.Sa loob loob ko medyo maaga pa naman ang taon, medyo fresh na fresh graduate pa ako, kaya ko pa sigurong maghanap ng iba.

Sumunod dito ay ang company AP, isang "advertising firm" sa Makati. Ang AP ay isang company na inapplyan ko mula sa Ang position daw marketing trainee, Aba yan na ang position na palagay ko bagay sa akin, lalo na't management graduate ako. Noong araw ng interview, ang mga kasama ko mga big shots din, may summa cum laude pa nga from UP, siyempre naging proud ako. Sabi ko sa sarili ko wow nashort list ako kasama niya! Tapos ayun na dumating ang interviewer. At ang masasabi ko lang ay WOW. Medyo hot sya, yung tipong iisipin mo na kahit anong ipagawa sayo nito gagawin mo, ng Yes Ma'm! opo ma'm, ngayon na po! Hindi lang ako ang nakapansin nito, kahit yung mga babae kong kasama (ako lang yung lalake na ininterview nung batch na yun, group interview kasi) sabi super ganda niya. So ayun natapos ang group interview at nagschedule na ng 2nd interview na individual + filed work na para makita kung gusto mo ang gawain. Nung maghihiwalay na kami sa grupo eh napagdesisyonan naming hingin ang numero ng isa't isa, para wala lang para friends kami. Eh nagkataon ang isa sa mga kagroup ko eh naschedule ng mas maaga. so tinanong ko kung kamusta, at yun nalaman ko kung ano ang advertising na gagawin. Ang advertising pala ay tinatawag na human commercial. Lalapit ka sa mga tao sa mall at magaadvertise! wow Marketing trainee nga! Good luck naman sa akin. Kaya nung oras ko na para sa second interview eh wala napa cancel na ako. Napagtanto ko na kahit anong hot pala nung boss ko eh may mga bagay pa rin akong tatangihan.

Ang sumunod naman ay isang bangko na itago natin sa pangalang B. Si bank B ay dun din sa makati at katabi nya ang building kung san nakalagay ang opisina ng AP Company. Ang position naman dito ay marketing assistant/trainee. Sa una may preliminary interview tapos second interview tapos ganon din may test, tapos kung naipasa mo eh dun ka na bibigyan ng application form. Eh ang kaso second interview pa lang, sabi na sa akin nung Cute na HR person na itatago natin sa pangalang Kisses, nako sarado na yung position na gusto mo, so magtest ka na lang kasi sayang din nandito ka na. So ayun nagtest ako kahit medyo sa isip ko walang patutunguhan. Pero hindi tumawag sila after a few days at ang sabi punta ka dito sa Quezon City business center, dito sa isang branch namin may magiinterview raw sa akin. At syempre pumunta ako, aba akalain mo yun ang naginterview sa akin eh yun atang branch manager or something (basta feel ko mataas ang position niya) tapos ang ending eh iba raw ang marketing qualifications na hinahanap nila. Hindi sila into graphics/ideas/multi-media advertising  ang gusto raw nila eh yung taga draft ng letters. Sabihin ko man na kaya ko rin yun (at sa palagay ko ay kaya ko rin) eh hindi na rin eepekto, dahil nung interview eh halos ipinagdikdikan ko na marunong ako gumawa ng ads :P At yun tama nga dahil narinig ko rin ang we'll call you in a week at tulad ng sa D.A. company dun sa timog (there's something about Q.C ah) eh nastuck din ang Kalendaryo nila. 


Ayan ang mga misadventures ko sa application so far. Meron pang iba, pero para makahinga naman ang aking mga mambabasa, eh sa next edition ko na ilalagay yun. Sa totoo lang naexcite ako na magblog ulit. Kahit title niyan pinagisipan ko talaga ng todo todo. Title yan ng kanta ng Smashing Pumpkins para dun sa soundtrack ng Batman and Robin ata yun. Naisip ko lang kasi lahat ng panimula, ay pagtatapos nga naman ng isang panimula. Siguro mas magiging malinaw to sa susunod na post.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008


I saw a display picture of my friend in yahoo messenger. I was bored so I asked for it and decided to create one of those vector style thingie faces. Comparing it with my previous attempts at vector faces I guess I really am improving hehe


I'm just cleaning up my desktop and I found one of this text files that was there. I usually just copy paste statements, quotes or whatever else I find amusing and just paste them in a txt file and then name it as whatever. Hence the filename 123456.txt

I have no idea where this came from. I also don't know if i believe in the statement but it piqued my interest so here's the text:

If the time comes that you are not already sure where you stand in someone’s life, it’s best to leave things behind so that if they drop you off, it will be easier to forget them. Don’t waste time waiting for nothing; when efforts are not recognized, it’s best to just give things up. You’ve done your part, let them do theirs…
… though it’s hard maybe it's the right thing to do...


This is a post done a few months back, I just found it typed up somewhere and realized I haven't uploaded it yet, so I guess this is a retro post or something.
The name of the Game is tetris.

I was fixing my room when I came across one of my gameboy consoles. I have nearly all the incarnations of it only missing out on the gameboy micro.

While I have a whole lot of games for it (most coming from the time my dad was still working in thailand) the one that was inserted into it was Tetris. So I booted it up, to just test if it still works but then I found myself strangely addicted to it again.

A Brick game. Nearly everybody knows the basic rules of the game. Fill up a straight line horizontally without any gaps to make it vanish and keep the blocks from reaching the top and filling up the screen. I found myself trying to find out how high I can get my score to be when I start from level 0 (so far 386,XXX). Admittedly I'm not a very good tetris player so that took me some time and a multitude of replays to reach.

Most people have this strategy wherin they build up a stack but leave a space at either of the ends to be able to wait for an I block (you know, the straight line) so that they can score a tetris. As I built up that stack, I kept waiting and waiting until I realized that the damned straight block wasn't gonna come anytime soon and I just had a tall and structure that wasn't gonna vanish easily.

I got a game over more than a few time because of this. And After a few plays I began to see a semblance of the game to my life (Yes, I am quite bored and have a lot of time and thinking on my hands).

I realized that sometimes I had to be contented with taking out a smaller section rather than the grandslam 4 lines. I began thinking that at some points in my life I was so enthralled with this single idea of what I want to be, or what I want to become that I keep on waiting and waiting only to realize in the end that it's not gonna come anytime soon. And I end up missing opportunities.

I guess being unemployed I can't shake that feeling that I may have missed some opportunities already, because I want to find that place where in I can find the job that I want and that wants to hire me as well.
While I still don't have a job as of now, I received a psp so I'm not into tetris now, hehe lumines is my new game.

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Iron Man

Iron Man WAS one of my favorite superheroes when I was still young. I became a fan of Iron Man because of playing video games.

For starters the arcade game Captain America and the Avengers was my first exposure to the superhero. He had this beam blast move and considering the alternatives were Arrows by Hawkeye or Captain America's Shield throw (there was another character but I can't remember his power) I started to choose him a lot. And I played a whole lot of arcade games when I was young (sadly much more than I can afford to do now, ooh 4 peso tokens in worlds of fun and fiesta carnival where are you?)

He also was a playable character in a host of marvel fighting games (Marvel Super Heroes: War of the Gems,Marvel Super Heroes and Marvel vs. Capcom 1 and 2. and I like his moveset especially the fact that the proton cannon looks powerful. So I was exposed to him a lot.

He was also in other games like X-Men Legends II: Rise of Apocalypse and Marvel: Ultimate Alliance. But I never really used him there since I'm a wolverine guy and he was really the one that I use the most (but this would be a story for another day).

Anyway I played all these games before I started reading comic books. So most of my stories of Iron Man are non canon and mainly focused on the good things that he does.

But I started dropping my admiration for the Iron Man superhero thingie when I read the story arc of Marvel Civil war. This is quite shallow since I just happened to like the other side (the one Iron Man is not on) and well that's that. Quite childish haha

Now onto the Movie, I liked it, it was not short but it didn't drag too much. I also like the Tony Stark portrayal there and the tale of Iron Man's origins was goofy enough that I enjoyed it. The butterfingers robot was cool hehe.

Anyway, after seeing the Movie here's the Panda Thingie that I made. Uhm Photoshop pen tool, convert point, blur filters, and layer blending options. I really liked doing this, I made this part by part like armor plates being layered on top of the other, and while looking at it by turning off the visibility of some the layers I guess I was imagining the construction of the ironman suit.

The Forbidden Kingdom

Saw The Forbidden Kingdom with my dad last saturday.

When I first saw the movie's trailer I thought that it wasn't really going to sell because it was a good movie but rather because it was an event. And I guess even they realized that by featuring the tie up of Jet Li and Jackie Chan in their trailers.

So before watching the movie I was really just in the mindste to be contented with seeing the fight scenes. However I was pleasantly surprised because I found myself enjoying the movie. Part of it was because of Jackie Chan's style of humor and the major part is because that girl who played that sparrow thingie was cute (and for me she was even hotter on the modern day scene) Also I had recently played Warrior's Orochi and staff fighting and mass crowd beat em up style scenes were still quite fresh on my mind.

Which leads me to this "work". I think this really sucks. I was doing the flat part of the shirt/robe thingie when I got tired because I kept on getting things wrong so I just decided to give up And try different filters to achieve a certain look. But I wasn't able to pull it off so it's a hodge podge of different filters and shapes with no real purpose haha.

Wednesday, May 07, 2008


Decided to try to create a panda image just because I really find pandas cute.

One of my friends said the panda looks chinese, and I guess subconsciously I did that because I remember watching a show about Pandas and in that show they explained those pandas are found in China.

Again Pen tool and shape tool for the panda. The background was just some shapes and blending modes and a default photoshop filter (which one exactly is something I don't know).

Penguin Boy

I think I was watching nickelodeon's The Fairly Odd Parents and when the show finished they showed a clip made by some animators about a guy with a Penguin family being chased by someone with a bull dog on top of a flat iron (makes sense?).

During those hours where I'm supposed to be in bed and dreaming of better days. I decided to fire up photoshop and try my hand at creating my own cartoony image. And I came up with this penguin boy thing.

Mostly used the shape and pen tool's convert point function to come up with the different shapes. Not as nice as what I had in mind but I guess it looks cute enough.


This stems from me being unlucky (?) in my job hunting activites which then leads to me having a whole lot of free time in my hands. One of the things that helped me de-stress from the pressure of being a bum, as well as pass some time was trying to learn how to improve my skills in the use of photoshop. So I tried doing some images again, I guess this time my foucs was more on creating things from my own imagination rather than rely on tutorials and other stuff.

That said, I was looking at some files on my computer and saw this. One of My friends commented that it was nice. So lookig at it again I tried to remember how to pull it off (I lost the link to . So after some fiddling around with the tools and filters I was able to come up with this variation.

For me the image is quite nice, the different color variations that one can do with its color however (I think I also mentioned this in my previous post) I have no idea how to incorporate it into other works. Suggestions for that would be very much appreciated.

Going back to the thing about doing my images from my own imagination and creativity and skills, I'm reminded of something that I read somewhere, a few years back. It went something like "Photoshop Filters does not make someone an artist (or was it Graphic designer I have forgotten the exact thing)". Now I'm not claiming to be an artist or a graphic designer, but in a way it hits that I really should try to improve my own understanding and use of the tools rather than be reliant on tutorials and filters.

And although "Photoshop Filters does not make someone an artist" it sure helps in making something nice :)

Thursday, March 20, 2008


Im starting to notice how I am slowy becoming active in updating my blog. Part of it has something to do with the lighter schedule that I have, another is because it's holy week and there's really no one to talk to or no place to go to but I guess the bigger thing is how the words of Sir Ruey De Vera in my Com 142: Feature Writing class seemed to stick in my head's mental burs.

He said:

Simple words actually, not necessarily life changing for me, but something that really touched a nerve for some reason. I am not so sure of the context of why he said that statement but I guess that exactly is the point of it. To keep on writing no matter the context, may it be for requirements or for pleasure. To just write, whatever the topic or situation.

As for me I write (type would perhaps be more appropriate) for different reasons such as to improve my grammar skills (I'm not doing a very good job in this regard), to relieve stress, to express emotions and to reminisce are a few of them.

I guess another things is that I actully write to be read. Not actually to be read by others but I actually find importance in making me read this things that I wrote in order to evoke the emotions that I felt during the time I'm writing them, or those that I felt during the event or thing or whatever that I was talking about. I guess similar to written notecards during an oral report or presentation, these writings give me that outline or reminders as to where I am and what I should be doing.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

On Art

I'm currently in the period where I haven't officially graduated but already done with those academic requirements. This just means that I have a whole lot of time writing in my blog (yes, I am searching for work but well employers aren't really knocking on my doors). While doing my blogs, I just realized that I'm more comfortable writing (typing?) down ideas and emotions rather than speaking or being artistic about them. Now I know that there are a whole lot of ways to be artistic so to make it clear, what I mean by artistic I guess is drawing, painting, sketching and the like.

Which is quite a shame actually. For some reason I really do enjoy drawing and painting. I guess I can say that I would actually feel much more satisfied if I can come up with a good drawing/painting rather than a good written work. My friends chide for me this, saying that the works I did for my classes in third year (CS 175 and CS 176) are nice, and are in a sense artistic but there really is something quite different with being able to come up with a work that had no aid for filters, or the undo function.

I joined a class during my last semester in school called Introduction to Drawing and Painting, in the hopes of trying to increase my actually give me skills in those things. But well, while I did improve a bit, I still find myself seeing that the desire is there but unfortunate, my innate talent does not match with the desire.

I try to work on it through classes, tutorials and friends but sometimes I can't help but realize that artistic skills (as with other talents) are not simply things that can be attained through effort (but it helps a lot, I think I got a B in the painting class just through professor kindness and sheer effort) but also has that God-given component in it as well. I guess I'm stuck in this frustrating cycle of doing something that I like but not being able to show an output that would satisfy that like.

I got into thinking about art because I saw all these art materials that I bought for class. I was cleaning my room and then came upon a stash of watercolors, colored pencils, pastels and a sketch pad. So feeling artistic, I just drew, simply drew. I was finished and was packing my stuff when I stumbled upon the Free DVD from the Faber-Castell colored pencil and after watching it, I decided to color the drawing I did.

I came up with this:

This image actually presents it way better than seeing it in real life. Hehe as with all my "artistic endeavors", they look better when they're smaller or farther away from the viewer.

I have no idea where that face came from... Probably from watching death note and looking at various Visual-Kei artists. Finishing the image depressed me quite a bit because looking at the finished product made me realize how I just don't have the touch.

I was about to put away all my art materials when I remembered a joke I told a friend about me drawing a picture of her. So I decided to just keep some pencils (an hb, a 6b and a 2b) and a page from the sketch pad. And then sketched. I finished the pencil sketch this evening and looking at it, I saw that I actually improved. I compared the drawing to the one I did for class which was of Utada Hikaru and well at least now, it has a semblance of the person I was trying to draw.

I guess tonight was just one of those moments where you learn more things about yourself. While I understand that I do not have the innate gift that God seemed to have provided to a whole lot of my friends (which I admit makes me envious), I also gained the feeling that I do not suck as much as I think I do.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Let Me Go, Let You Go...

These days I'm probably thinking and reflecting about the things that are happening to me and around me using more brain cells than I usually do. I attribute it to the fact that I don't really have any academic concerns due to my impending graduation which leads my brain cells to have more "thinking power" than I usually give.
(here is a yahoo messenger conversation by someone who reacted to my status message. I can't remember what message it was exactly but it was one of those sentimental love messages that I happened to like and I just placed as my status)

Cel: youre always in love
micogold: nah
Cel: doesnt the endorphins go away?
micogold: it would have been great if i was
Cel: good for you
micogold: haha
Cel: lol
micogold: sana nga in love na lang ako, kaso wala eh haha
Cel: i just assumed since yung stat mo palagi senti, as if youre always madly in love with someone haha
Cel: or maybe youre just in love with love
micogold: i think im in love with love
Cel: thats good i guess haha, though it might leave you always hoping
micogold: haha not really, maganda lang naman ang linya, di ko naman isinasapuso
Cel: ahhh hahaha

And after that, I read a book called Uh-Oh Some observations from both sides of the Refrigerator Door by Robert Fulghum. In it was a line which I later learned came from a song.

Falling in Love with Love is falling for make-believe!
Falling in Love with Love is playing the fool!

And Fulghum commented: "Right. Count us all in. At Least once. How else could we know it's true."

Yeah, count me in...

As for the title of this post, it came from an anime. It's an instrumental rock piece that came from Kacho Oji (also known as Oji the Section Chief or Legend of Black Heaven) I rediscovered it in my collection as I was cleaning my hard drive.

For some reason the piece brings to me a lonely, sentimental mood while at the same time enticing me in a way to start falling in love again. Perhaps if someone would be able to watch the show and see the context of the song being played in the story, one would understand better why I feel the way I do...

I know that I've only been in one serious relationship in my entire life and I may not be an expert in it. But I believe that I've had my fair share of ups and downs and joy and hurt that would enable me to say a few things about it.

A few days ago, I chanced upon something that made me wonder about how one should approach the coming of love. Perhaps what I'm trying to say is that moment when one begins to realize the development of a potential relationship.

More often than not people try to abstract it, and then begin to weigh the pros and cons, and then decide from there. And while this is quite useful I guess, I tend to believe that it is quite unnatural for people to be doing this. As what I learned in Philosophy class said, Sometimes abstraction (from what i understand it's taking the experience out of the context of our common understandings and working from there, err that's why I only got a C+ in Philo...) tends to desiccate the experience. This is what I think happens when it is so obvious that love (or whatever it is that I'm talking about right now) is already present between the two but then people decide to just step away and say it's not right, or it's not worth it or other similar things.

I beleive that when God blesses you with the opportunity to experience loving and being loved, the proper response to it is to seize the day, grab the opportunity, hold it and never ever let go...

Perhaps I say these things because I myself would want that blessing... not only the experience of being in love with love but being in love with somene and being loved by someone. Perhaps the context of the song (roughly explained, a love that could never be...) is something close to me as well.

What I wouldn't give for that opportunity to be able to love her or to be loved by her...

So yeah, Let Me Go, Let You Go...

Friday, February 22, 2008


I have no idea what exactly I am feeling right now.

I just had my last college class today and it does feel a little weird. They said final days are a kind of bittersweet moments. And right now, to be quite honest about it, I'm still searching for the sweet part of it.

I took a walk around the campus after my Philosophy class. I know it was quite sentimental on my part, but I can't help it.

I wanted to write something about this last things but I'm still a bit shellshocked by everything. So just wait for the next one.

Saturday, February 09, 2008

Welcoming the Year

A Post that's long overdue. I got quite busy with so much school work that I kept on postponing this entry. I've been on a hectic schedule this past few weeks but since I'm procrastinating in doing my LS part this very moment I finally found the time to write it.

So Happy 2008! (wops medyo outdated na)
Happy Chinese New Year! (okay mas recent pero late pa rin hehe)

So this is my hmm kinda annual year in review thingie. I really like making this post, it's something that's fun to read and go back to as the years pass. It's like a reminder of events emotions and experiences that I had during a whole year. A time capsule in a blog. That and it's also quite nice to be able to have an outlet to say thanks to the people who played a big part in my year.

The start of the year was quite hectic. The first three months were filled with POM and Finance exams, the Pom paper, a Mesh Wifi paper, a movie that needed to be shot, philosophy orals, dream projects and the irritating (but amusing?) creative journals. It was stressful but fortunately I was still able to get a decent grade after all of this.

Being in comtech, I still had to take summer classes after the sem. So instead of rest and relaxation (which a whole lot of my friends and batch mates were doing) I was stuck in a classroom to discuss economics and politics. It wasn't that hard really, it was even quite enjoyable except for the waking up at 7:30am for an economics quiz everyday part.

It was also my first time to volunteer for the ORSEM. It was a great experience. It was quite tiring but the freshman block that I was a part of were really friendly and easy to handle.

The first semester of my fourth year in college was probably the second lightest that I had (the lightest goes to the first semester of the second year). It was light because of the presence of electives and since I'm not minoring I was able to pick electives that I liked and not ones that were "required". It also helped that I got very kind professors as well as a nice schedule (thanks to the1 flawed AISIS system at that time, my random number sucked but it came and saved the day). It was also a time of groupworks and for some reason this was the sem wherein I wasn't really able to be with the people who were my usual group mates. But all the people I worked with (some I even met for the first time because of the group) were responsible and reliable which really helped lighten the load.

The second semester was a whole different ball game. It was filled with papers left and right, from ls to theology to philosophy to feature writing (duh?) and of course CTK. The only thing that does not require a paper was my drawing and painting class. This time though, I was "reunited" with my usual groupmates so at least that helps out a lot.

During the last month of the year, I was in a way able to rekindle memories of the past that I seem to have forgotten. Ms. Fay invited me to her birthday party and well things turned out pretty well. Seeing my old teachers and being with former classmates made me remember my high school days.

It was also during this year's christmas break that my cousin came to visit. It was great hehe he really should visit us more often. Or perhaps I should work on visiting them. Well whichever comes first I guess.

Ayun isang taon nanaman ang lumipas, gaya ng mga lumipas na taon halo halong emosyon ang nadama. May masaya, may malungkot, may nakakatuwa at may nakakainis. Lahat lahat yun ay nagsama upang bigyan ako ng isang makabuluhang taon at umaasa ako na ganito rin maligaya ang susunod at mga susunod na taon.

-James Wyson:
err see previous years? Default naman na hahaha lagi naman kitang kailangan pasalamatan haha basta Salamat yun na yun
-Mich Cruz, Kathy Calilao, Luigi Singson:
Sa taon yun napakadalas nating magkasama, salamat sa pagsama at pakikisama sa akin. Masayang karanasan ang mga pagtambay natin doon sa mateo steps.
-Hans Huvalla:
CS 31, POM 102, FIN 104, ECO 111, POS 100, CS 156, LS 100, COM 142, LS 125 at CTK 41. Lahat yan magkaklase tayo hehe Hindi pa kasama dyan yung mga class na same prof tayo haha Salamat sa pagsama at sa pagbahagi ng iyong mga kaalaman.
-Richmond Fang, Alex Junia, Deneb Plazuela, Jelyn Baccay, Micci Venzon:
CTK and LS groupmates! Dun pa lang dapat na kayong Pasalamatan haha. Isipin niyo na lang ang mga make or break papers sa huling taon ng klase at napili niyo ako upang isama sa grupo.
-Tracy Ong:

(english naman para maintindihan niya kung mabasa niya to) Thanks for the notes and staying up with me during those hellish marathon cramming study sessions/magazine creations hehe (LS 100, CS 176, THEO 141 and 151, and the drawing class come to mind) and even if we just joke about kicking each other's ass, It really helps in pushing me to do more so thanks.
-En Estrada, Macky Siazon, Cess Cuartero, Jill Tan, Flo Co, Gab Gabriel:
THEO 151 Groupmates. Salamat sa pagtanggap sa akin hehe at kahit na hindi tayo originally magkakakilala salamat at nakagawa pa rin tayo ng isang magandang presentation (B+ nga eh) hehe
- Other Groupmates:
hehe karamihan kasi nasabi ko na sa itaas. pero dun sa mga hindi nadamay. Alam niyo naman ako, magtratrabaho ako pero siyempre iba pa rin yung may tumutulong sayo at may mga kasama ka. So salamat!
- Sir PJ Strebel
ibang klaseng klase. Natuto ako hindi lang talaga nagreflect sa grades ko haha pero seryoso natuto talaga ako. Sabi nga raw ni Mark Twain "i will not let schooling interfere with my education". So kahit na C+ lang ako sa 102 at C na lang sa 103 masasabi ko na talagang may natutunan ako dito.
- Philosophy Classmates
I would have liked to mention everyone's names but then I forgot a lot already hehe. (patay pag nagtrip na magquiz si sir strebel at ako ang natawag lagot tayo) Wala lang gusto ko lang pasalamatan dahil sa pagalala ko sa pangalan nila at pag alala nila ng pangalan ko kahit papano naging bahagi sila ng buhay ko at sana ako naman ay naging bahagi ng buhay nila. Siguro special mention sina Keb, Cat, Patrick, Ane, Kate, Kevz at Pao.
- Sir David Tran
I really enjoyed the classes in CS 175 and 176. Even if the tests were hard :P The Sir Tran experience was really something to enjoy. The grades he gave me were a big plus too!
- Ms. Fay Irasga
Salamat sa Pagimbita sa party.Naging daan ito upang matuto akong lumingon sa pinanggalingan. Siyempre bonus na rin na ang sarap nung pagkain. hehe
- Blockmates:
I know that we don't really get together much. But it still feels nice when you have the feeling that no matter where you go or whatever class you attend, you still have your home block to go back to.
- Block R2 2011
Thanks for allowing me to be a part of your lives. Ibang klaseng experience din pala ang other side ng ORSEM. Salamat sa pagiging makulit at masayahin at masunurin. Ilang beses ko ring nabasa yung isang papel kung saan nakasulat yung mga mensahe niyo para sa akin kapag nagpupulot ako ng mga nakakalat na bagay sa kwarto ko at masaya syang balikan.
-Starbucks Gateway Baristas
I'm not really a coffee person what more if that coffee costs 150 pesos, however last December, i wanted to give that planner to my sister so I started going to starbucks. And well Thanks to the Baristas, specifically Aileen, Liza, Jasper, it made me realize how Starbucks is not just coffee, it's an experience.
Ayun Pasensya na sa mga hindi ko napasalamatan, medyo low batt na utak ko hahaa Salamat na lang sa mga hindi ko pa napapasalamatan.

Sana sa susunod na taon kayo naman ang matulungan ko o mabahagian ko ng mga bagay na tulad o higit pa sa mga naibahagi niyo sa akin ngayon taon na to.

Monday, November 05, 2007

Have you felt...

the unforgettable instant when everything started to make sense even as absolutely nothing was making sense?

Friday, November 02, 2007


Moon River, wider than a mile,
I'm crossing you in style some day.
Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker,
wherever you're going I'm going your way.

Thursday, November 01, 2007


I really like this work of mine for me it's like it came from a comic book or a 3d scale model.

What really made me enjoy it was the fact that I was able to (well at least in my opinion) pull off the perspective. As well as the shadow's lights and all those things. It is not too cartoony and well it's pretty easy on the eyes.

I would have wanted it with colors but I had some trouble in giving light and shade to color objects so grayscale for now.


Saw this style in a picture once. I liked the look it seemed uhm well "Gummy" so i was amused when I saw a tutorial on how to make this thing so with no word coming to mind, I just decided to use my name for it.


Pen tool practice hehe.

After a friend saw my Love Me. Please? work She told me that I should continue doing it. I thought why not? and decided to try my hand at making a different pen tool created creature. And the end thing was Octo.

Actually the octopus wasn't that hard to do. It was the bubbles that gave me trouble. I used a tutorial for that and I guess it looks pretty good for a cartoon bubble.


I borrowed Hans' graphic design book called breaking the grid, and one of the images there featured well a grid.

I tried to apply the grid in my work and here is what I came up with. The girl is from a picture taken from MAXIM magazine Korea.

This work is basically another practice in figuring out the different Blending options.


Another tutorial based work...

Just the application of around 4 filters I think, and some more layer blending options. It looks nice but honestly, I have no idea where I can use this thing that I learned. I mean it's great as a stand alone wallpaper/focus of a poster but other than that, I have no idea where else I can apply the technique.


I was browsing through a graphic design book that I got and saw a design that was quite similar. I tried to interpret it in my own way and that is what happened.

I guess it's not really the final image that is important but what I learned while doing it (yes a terrible excuse for a badly done design).

So what is it that I learned? In this design I became more particular with using the grids (hence the title). I also figured out some uses for using layers as clipping masks. And also the effects of a soft brush.

Vanity Wallpaper

I saw the lightning tutorial from one of those photoshop tutorial sites and because of my vanity decided to just use it as a background to one of my pictures.

Typical photomanipulation techinques. Lasso tool to get the picture out of the background, Then posterize filter, then colorized it to red, then finally added the lightning thingies...

The size and layout are like that because I made them as a wall paper for my laptop/. Yes vanity indeed.

Save the turtles... Save the world.

I was tasked with doing the powerpoint for our group's final Theology 151 presentation, our topic was about the pawikans in the Philippines. I needed a turtle to use in the powerpoint, a mascot of some sorts and so I got one from the net, which was basically the easiest and probably most prevalent thing to do.

However I went with a black background with the power point and the image i got from the net had a white square around it. So instead of just cropping/lassoing or magically erasing the background. I went and just pen tooled the whole thing and made a vectorized turtle image hehe, Part of it was a practice for my photoshop thing i guess but the other is the constant reminder of my CS 176 professor about copyright images hehe.

Face 2

I am part of the school org ACTM and one of my tasks there was to be a hometeam head. Well I added someone by mistake and turns out she was pretty good with doing photoshop work.

I was browsing through her gallery in multiply when I saw her try to transform a pixel based image into a vector style one, I got her source, and tried it out for myself. And well turns out I'm not pretty good, but comparing it with the other one that I made this wasn't too bad.

Her version was actually the whole picture (with the body, background and all) but halfway through working on the face I began to realize how sucky my work was so I mercifully ended it by just doing the head.

Magazine Cover

I had all the Photoshopped things that I made in a folder here, I haven't upped them since well because I was too lazy.

Well anyway, here is one of the older things that I have made. Since It was done for project 2 of sir David Q. Tran's CS 176 class (electronic publishing). He required us to make a travel magazine.

The cover was probably the only thing that I did well in that project, but well it was enough for a 95 i think so Not too bad I guess.

Basically some filters, and layer blending options for this one. I'm not really a big fan of brown but I guess it fit my chosen topic so I just used it.

Thursday, October 11, 2007


Do moth's know that touching the flickering flame of a lighted candle leads to their demise?

I mean...
If you know you are going to get burned, would you still fly towards it?
It is quite easy to say No, to say that one should be rational in these things...

What can one do when one is drawn towards the beauty of the light?
How can one resist the gentle warmth and comfort that being around the flame provides?

To fly on is to realize that avoiding the light only leads to darkness.
To fly on is to feel the richness of life.
To fly on is to cherish that fleeting moment of unity.
To fly on is to to hope...

Tell me what does one do when he realizes that he will be burned yet continues to fly on?

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Who am I?

I haven't blogged in a while, schoolwork has made me quite busy... I have no event to talk about I don't have an amazing story to tell either. I think this post is more of a rant, just typing words in white heat. I'm rambling on and on, because I doubt people would understand what I'm talking about but I wouldn't want to seem stupid and talk to myself about it. Well enough of that here goes...

Philosophy, CS 176, a website creation test and my Computer's collection of Hardware and Software made me realize something about myself... I don't know who I really am.

A little background:

CS 176 is my Major Elective. It is electronic publishing. I joined the class for a couple of reasons, the first of which is to be with my friends (they were required to take this class) the other is to improve on the talents that I thought I had when it comes to computer design skills. However, after a couple of projects and tests I realized that this artisitc talent is not really in me.

Friends of mine, especially those that I have worked with, have that impression that when it comes to these stuff (photoshopping and the like) that I'm pretty good. I think they miss the fact that the perceived skill that I have is not really talent but more of equipment.

My computer is basically wired for hardware-intensive graphic applications (a pretty good offshoot of wanting a gaming rig) and well the works that I have done are really just products of having better software to be able to handle those tasks as compared to my peers. I now wonder, if my friends had access to the same equipment that I'm using, the same access to the friends that taught me how to operate these things how good could their work be?

So how does this all play out into me not knowing who I am?

During Philosophy class, Mr. Strebel told us an anecdote, an artist who created masterpiece after masterpiece, then suddenly fell into a slump that he can't get out of and he begins to question himself, Who am I? am I really an artist? and maybe he begins to realize that he was not able to get out of a slump because he isnt really an artist to begin with.

Which is what I believe is slowly happening to me. That realization that I don't know who I am.

Perhaps if I ask people who know me, sa palagay mo ba ano ako? I'm betting that most would answer a techie guy, good with computers and stuff or something similar. But when faced with challenges such as that online web test, apparently I'm not as good as they and I thought.

My friend said, Mico ano lang yan parang jack of all trades, master of none... And it could be true but remember being an ok web designer, an ok graphic artist, an ok whatever would not be given as much consideration when compared with a great designer, a great artist or a great whatever else.

a jack of all trades, being versatile or just being mediocre.

So I Started asking myself what the heck am I really good at? What is that thing that could help me find that starting point to know myself? Up to now I still haven't found an answer...

Sunday, August 26, 2007


An attempt to make a vector art face failed because of the details.

I basically just assembled shape layers, I didn't touch them after they looked like a face so of course it would lack details.

The eyes lack shine. The hair seems pasted on, everything looks bad.The nose is extremely bad, i didn't realize that just making the nostrils in a different color would have been enough to give the impression of a nose, but i didn't know that yet when I was doing the face so there.

This image sucks...

Friday, August 24, 2007

Love Me. Please?

I had been doing this Poring (from ragnarok online) rip-off since this morning (I even changed the wall paper at my school computer to one of my creations) however I had always used the paint brush to draw the eyes and mouth, but tonight I tried to make a different look.

When I was looking at my work, I thought that the eyes that I made seemed to had that sad look, something like its pleading for something. Because of that I thought of putting in tears, so i used the pen tool to try to create a tear like shape and there, I also thought of putting a statement that would match the eyes and Love me. Please? popped into my head.

Now all the critters that I've made previously were simple, just that weird roundish shape, which was quite easy since you basically had to make a circle and just manipulate the points, but now that I had a statement, I wanted the creature to hold a sign bearing that statement, and so I had to figure out how to give him "arms" which was quite a trouble since I really didn't have a great command of the mouse. Well here was my effort.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Challenge 3

I saw the technique somewhere, I really can't remember where but well here's my rendition of it.

I used the picture of the Freshman R2 Block since it was the first picture that I saw in the folders haha, I hope they won't mind me using their faces for this challenge.

Splitting the picture was done quite easily, the problem spot was trying to make thumbtacks using the pen tool, but i guess i was able to do ok.

Challenge 2

I'll consider my previous image (You have stolen my heart) as the first so this is going to be number 2.

I don't know where i got the line, I don't remember hearing it from any movie or reading it from somewhere but well it was in my mind at the time I opened up photoshop so well here it is.

As I said the challenge isn't really about beauty but trying to learn more about photoshop from tools to techniques so there. And I guess 1 hour was too much for this haha, this was quite simple so I guess I just used up half of that hour.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Challenge Thyself

I've been playing around with photoshop these days. I guess part of it is attributed to boredom, another part is wanting to improve my skills. I guess I'm also subconsciously telling myself that I don't need to buy a pen and a tablet. I saw one a few days ago and I wanted to purchase something similar so I guess through playing with photoshop I'm trying to prove to myself that I could create something nice without having to purchase that pen and tablet.

So I decided to challenge myself, I have to make a graphic each day. I decided that for it to be not too time consuming for me, I'd limit it to an image done within an hour. Through this exercise I hope that I'd be able to improve my skills, my creativity and save myself a few thousand pesos.

Monday, August 20, 2007

You have stolen, you have stolen my, You have stolen my heart...

Dashbored mode...

I was bored and was just listening to some Dashboard Confessional songs. Not really sure if I can relate to the song, but it popped into my playlist and since I had half an hour before my download was finished and I wasn't really in the mood to do anything productive, I decided to create a very very simple picture based on the song.

I know its not really a beautiful image but if I had money I'd make a t-shirt out of that design. Haha I don't know i think it's also inspired by a shirt that I saw somewhere...