Thursday, March 20, 2008

Blogging

Im starting to notice how I am slowy becoming active in updating my blog. Part of it has something to do with the lighter schedule that I have, another is because it's holy week and there's really no one to talk to or no place to go to but I guess the bigger thing is how the words of Sir Ruey De Vera in my Com 142: Feature Writing class seemed to stick in my head's mental burs.

He said:
KEEP ON WRITING.

Simple words actually, not necessarily life changing for me, but something that really touched a nerve for some reason. I am not so sure of the context of why he said that statement but I guess that exactly is the point of it. To keep on writing no matter the context, may it be for requirements or for pleasure. To just write, whatever the topic or situation.

As for me I write (type would perhaps be more appropriate) for different reasons such as to improve my grammar skills (I'm not doing a very good job in this regard), to relieve stress, to express emotions and to reminisce are a few of them.

I guess another things is that I actully write to be read. Not actually to be read by others but I actually find importance in making me read this things that I wrote in order to evoke the emotions that I felt during the time I'm writing them, or those that I felt during the event or thing or whatever that I was talking about. I guess similar to written notecards during an oral report or presentation, these writings give me that outline or reminders as to where I am and what I should be doing.


Tuesday, March 18, 2008

On Art

I'm currently in the period where I haven't officially graduated but already done with those academic requirements. This just means that I have a whole lot of time writing in my blog (yes, I am searching for work but well employers aren't really knocking on my doors). While doing my blogs, I just realized that I'm more comfortable writing (typing?) down ideas and emotions rather than speaking or being artistic about them. Now I know that there are a whole lot of ways to be artistic so to make it clear, what I mean by artistic I guess is drawing, painting, sketching and the like.

Which is quite a shame actually. For some reason I really do enjoy drawing and painting. I guess I can say that I would actually feel much more satisfied if I can come up with a good drawing/painting rather than a good written work. My friends chide for me this, saying that the works I did for my classes in third year (CS 175 and CS 176) are nice, and are in a sense artistic but there really is something quite different with being able to come up with a work that had no aid for filters, or the undo function.

I joined a class during my last semester in school called Introduction to Drawing and Painting, in the hopes of trying to increase my actually give me skills in those things. But well, while I did improve a bit, I still find myself seeing that the desire is there but unfortunate, my innate talent does not match with the desire.

I try to work on it through classes, tutorials and friends but sometimes I can't help but realize that artistic skills (as with other talents) are not simply things that can be attained through effort (but it helps a lot, I think I got a B in the painting class just through professor kindness and sheer effort) but also has that God-given component in it as well. I guess I'm stuck in this frustrating cycle of doing something that I like but not being able to show an output that would satisfy that like.

I got into thinking about art because I saw all these art materials that I bought for class. I was cleaning my room and then came upon a stash of watercolors, colored pencils, pastels and a sketch pad. So feeling artistic, I just drew, simply drew. I was finished and was packing my stuff when I stumbled upon the Free DVD from the Faber-Castell colored pencil and after watching it, I decided to color the drawing I did.

I came up with this:

This image actually presents it way better than seeing it in real life. Hehe as with all my "artistic endeavors", they look better when they're smaller or farther away from the viewer.

I have no idea where that face came from... Probably from watching death note and looking at various Visual-Kei artists. Finishing the image depressed me quite a bit because looking at the finished product made me realize how I just don't have the touch.

I was about to put away all my art materials when I remembered a joke I told a friend about me drawing a picture of her. So I decided to just keep some pencils (an hb, a 6b and a 2b) and a page from the sketch pad. And then sketched. I finished the pencil sketch this evening and looking at it, I saw that I actually improved. I compared the drawing to the one I did for class which was of Utada Hikaru and well at least now, it has a semblance of the person I was trying to draw.

I guess tonight was just one of those moments where you learn more things about yourself. While I understand that I do not have the innate gift that God seemed to have provided to a whole lot of my friends (which I admit makes me envious), I also gained the feeling that I do not suck as much as I think I do.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Let Me Go, Let You Go...

These days I'm probably thinking and reflecting about the things that are happening to me and around me using more brain cells than I usually do. I attribute it to the fact that I don't really have any academic concerns due to my impending graduation which leads my brain cells to have more "thinking power" than I usually give.
(here is a yahoo messenger conversation by someone who reacted to my status message. I can't remember what message it was exactly but it was one of those sentimental love messages that I happened to like and I just placed as my status)

Cel: youre always in love
micogold: nah
Cel: doesnt the endorphins go away?
micogold: it would have been great if i was
Cel: good for you
micogold: haha
Cel: lol
micogold: sana nga in love na lang ako, kaso wala eh haha
Cel: i just assumed since yung stat mo palagi senti, as if youre always madly in love with someone haha
Cel: or maybe youre just in love with love
micogold: i think im in love with love
Cel: thats good i guess haha, though it might leave you always hoping
micogold: haha not really, maganda lang naman ang linya, di ko naman isinasapuso
Cel: ahhh hahaha


And after that, I read a book called Uh-Oh Some observations from both sides of the Refrigerator Door by Robert Fulghum. In it was a line which I later learned came from a song.

Falling in Love with Love is falling for make-believe!
Falling in Love with Love is playing the fool!

And Fulghum commented: "Right. Count us all in. At Least once. How else could we know it's true."

Yeah, count me in...

As for the title of this post, it came from an anime. It's an instrumental rock piece that came from Kacho Oji (also known as Oji the Section Chief or Legend of Black Heaven) I rediscovered it in my collection as I was cleaning my hard drive.

For some reason the piece brings to me a lonely, sentimental mood while at the same time enticing me in a way to start falling in love again. Perhaps if someone would be able to watch the show and see the context of the song being played in the story, one would understand better why I feel the way I do...



I know that I've only been in one serious relationship in my entire life and I may not be an expert in it. But I believe that I've had my fair share of ups and downs and joy and hurt that would enable me to say a few things about it.

A few days ago, I chanced upon something that made me wonder about how one should approach the coming of love. Perhaps what I'm trying to say is that moment when one begins to realize the development of a potential relationship.

More often than not people try to abstract it, and then begin to weigh the pros and cons, and then decide from there. And while this is quite useful I guess, I tend to believe that it is quite unnatural for people to be doing this. As what I learned in Philosophy class said, Sometimes abstraction (from what i understand it's taking the experience out of the context of our common understandings and working from there, err that's why I only got a C+ in Philo...) tends to desiccate the experience. This is what I think happens when it is so obvious that love (or whatever it is that I'm talking about right now) is already present between the two but then people decide to just step away and say it's not right, or it's not worth it or other similar things.

I beleive that when God blesses you with the opportunity to experience loving and being loved, the proper response to it is to seize the day, grab the opportunity, hold it and never ever let go...

Perhaps I say these things because I myself would want that blessing... not only the experience of being in love with love but being in love with somene and being loved by someone. Perhaps the context of the song (roughly explained, a love that could never be...) is something close to me as well.

What I wouldn't give for that opportunity to be able to love her or to be loved by her...

So yeah, Let Me Go, Let You Go...