Thursday, September 27, 2007

Who am I?

I haven't blogged in a while, schoolwork has made me quite busy... I have no event to talk about I don't have an amazing story to tell either. I think this post is more of a rant, just typing words in white heat. I'm rambling on and on, because I doubt people would understand what I'm talking about but I wouldn't want to seem stupid and talk to myself about it. Well enough of that here goes...

Philosophy, CS 176, a website creation test and my Computer's collection of Hardware and Software made me realize something about myself... I don't know who I really am.

A little background:

CS 176 is my Major Elective. It is electronic publishing. I joined the class for a couple of reasons, the first of which is to be with my friends (they were required to take this class) the other is to improve on the talents that I thought I had when it comes to computer design skills. However, after a couple of projects and tests I realized that this artisitc talent is not really in me.

Friends of mine, especially those that I have worked with, have that impression that when it comes to these stuff (photoshopping and the like) that I'm pretty good. I think they miss the fact that the perceived skill that I have is not really talent but more of equipment.

My computer is basically wired for hardware-intensive graphic applications (a pretty good offshoot of wanting a gaming rig) and well the works that I have done are really just products of having better software to be able to handle those tasks as compared to my peers. I now wonder, if my friends had access to the same equipment that I'm using, the same access to the friends that taught me how to operate these things how good could their work be?

So how does this all play out into me not knowing who I am?

During Philosophy class, Mr. Strebel told us an anecdote, an artist who created masterpiece after masterpiece, then suddenly fell into a slump that he can't get out of and he begins to question himself, Who am I? am I really an artist? and maybe he begins to realize that he was not able to get out of a slump because he isnt really an artist to begin with.

Which is what I believe is slowly happening to me. That realization that I don't know who I am.

Perhaps if I ask people who know me, sa palagay mo ba ano ako? I'm betting that most would answer a techie guy, good with computers and stuff or something similar. But when faced with challenges such as that online web test, apparently I'm not as good as they and I thought.

My friend said, Mico ano lang yan parang jack of all trades, master of none... And it could be true but remember being an ok web designer, an ok graphic artist, an ok whatever would not be given as much consideration when compared with a great designer, a great artist or a great whatever else.

a jack of all trades, being versatile or just being mediocre.

So I Started asking myself what the heck am I really good at? What is that thing that could help me find that starting point to know myself? Up to now I still haven't found an answer...

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