Monday, October 13, 2008

Catharsis

October 13,2008

I havent felt like this in a long time. The funny thing is, I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be feeling this way. To be more precise about it, I'm not sure if i have a right to be this hurt? or this diasspointed . Feeling this way actually makes me think about you and me. It makes me wonder about what you mean to me and what I mean to you.

I had always wondered how we would start acting when we see each other. Perhaps deep inside me, those childhood, well immaturities (your term not mine) still linger. Yes I understand that it had been awhile, that we had gone our separate ways, found new people to enthrall and amuse us, but given this time, and situation, a time where you and I are drifters again, where you and I talk again, that immaturity once again comes out from that depth...

Deep inside me there was this feeling that meeting you would be the spark that lights something. What that something is, I myself don't know. Romance, love, a deeper sense of friendship, again I have no idea. But I had always wanted to find out.

Find out what I felt for you, and you for me. As for now I think all that I can say is that I liked you, Yeah I really really liked you. At the very least, I liked you enough to hope.

To hope, yes but to hope for what? Is it simply meeting you? Is it simply wishing that those promises we made be fulfilled? Sitting here in front of the computer at this hour while thinking about it is quite amusing actually. It reminds me of those immature days (again your words) when we basically spent hours in the same set up, just talking to each other. Believing that these chats, messages and late night conversations are merely steps to something better.

Little did we know that even after 5 years these would still be the only steps we have. It is frustrating and amusing at the same time. Frustrating for obvious reasons, but amusing because even after all these years, I never let go, perhaps you never did too. After 5 years, both of us still believe in immature promises.


I wrote this last night actually. I was in that certain moment when you wanted to feel sad, bad or really emotional. Writing to to find that feeling of "catharsis" afterwhat happened. I'm not mad or sad anymore. Writing this really helped release all those pent up emotions inside. I don't know (and to a certain extent, care) if she reads this or not, Just laying it out in words was enough to make me realize some things as well as make me feel better.

Every New Beginning Comes from some other beginning's end

So continuation to ng aking misadventures...

Pagkatapos kay Bank B, ay sa isang new media arm ng isang sikat na kumpanya dyaan sa may Kamuning. Itago na lang natin siya sa pangalang Company G. Well eto naman ay dahil may dati akong blockmate na nagtratrabaho na sa kumpanyang eto at sinabi niya sa akin na may opening daw sa position na na Product Development officer. So ayun nagpunta ako, application, initial interview, at sa palagay ko eto na ang dream job ko... Lahat na halos ng hinahanap kong gawain, nandun na; ang trabaho tungkol sa websites, site design, site details and specifications, eh high school pa lang gawain ko na. Tapos magandang pangalan pa yung company, medyo big shot, and finaly malapit pa sa bahay! kontra sa takbo ng traffic na papuntang makati! So ayun sumunod ang interview with the VP. Sinagot ko ang tanong niya ng maayos, sa palagay ko lahat ng sinabi ko ay malinis at tugma sa mga hinihingi niya at at at ang ending eh we'll call you in a week after we finish all our interviews ang sinabi. (parang narinig ko na ata to dati). So dahil dito eh medyo pinause ko ang application ko sa lahat ng kumpanya. Dream Job eh tapos sa palagay ko pa ang ganda ng sagot ko at pasado naman ang credentials ko. Kaso ayun lumipas nanaman ang panahon, at tila nasira ang calendars sa office ng company G.

So nung medyo napaghahalata ko na na walang patutunguhan ang Company G, eh nag apply na muli ako. Isa sa mga una kong naapplyan sa Jobstreet ay ang positiong marketing assistant sa isang restauarnt chain na itatago natin sa pangalang C.G, Sa. C.G ang interview at testing ay dun sa isang branch nila sa may ortigas.  So syempre pumunta ako, nag test, at nag interview, tapos tinawagan ako ng kinagibahan sabi mag final interview ka dyan sa may cubao. Aba wow jackpot! dito sa may cubao! Kaso ang ending eh napunta sa ibang tao ang posisyon. So wala pa rin... pero maganda rin ang pagkasabi nung GM nila. Sabi niya sa akin ayaw daw niya ng atenista, kasi naniniwala sya na may "yabang" (hindi mayabang, hindi negative to) sa atenista. Yun bang tipong syempre pag may nag offer na multi-national company sayo ng mas malaki sa kaya nilang ibigay, kahit papano maiisip mo yung education na natanggap mo sa isang prestihiyosong paaralan ay tama lang na bigyan ng magarang sweldo. Atenista rin daw kasi yung GM nila hehe.

So ayan medyo 5 months from graduation eh wala pa rin akong trabaho. Tapos surpise surprise tumawag ulit si Bank B. Isa nanaman daw test at interview, sabi ko actually po nakapag test na ako at nakapaginterview, nakagawa na nga po ako nung app form. Kaso nawala na raw nila yung files ko so take na lang ulit at interview na alng ulit. Ayun naipasa ko naman, kaso hindi na sila muling tumawag pa ahaha

Tapos eto na, tumawag na ang LWS media. Sobrang tagal na nito, jobfair pa lang ata sa ateneo, eh nagpasa na ako ng application form dito. Hindi dahil sa gusto ko sya, pero dahil trip ko lang gawing brochure sa restaurant ang resume ko. Nakakaaliw, dahil kung iisipin ang dahilan ng pagkapasok ko sa LWS media ay ang mismong blog na to. Sabi sa akin nung boses sa telepono (si Ms. Arlene ata yun) it says here that you rate yourself a 9 in blogging... Kaya ko lang naman nilagay yun dahil naniniwala ako sa kakayahan ko sa pagsulat ng blogs. Ang solitary cross na tipong high school pa lang ako eh nandun na, tapos ang multiply pang ito... Pero hindi kasi kaagad natapos ang job hunt ko sa tawag na yun. Pumunta pa ako sa opisina nila para magtest (dahil si Ms. Arlene hindi nagemail!! nung test na pwede naman palang gawin sa bahay) tapos may interview dapat kaso hindi ko nasipot. May nangyari kasi so nagtext na lang ako kay Ms. A at sinabing, sorry po, emergency lang.

Kinabukasan ng pangyayaring yun sa LWS ay pumunta naman ako sa Company SY, Isang telephony company dyan sa may makati. Ok naman ang interview, at sa palagay ko naman nasagot ko ng tama yung personality test (hindi pa ata ako baliw). Kaso ayun medyo hindi na rin umaandar ang  calendars nila dahil yung sabing we'll call you in one or two weeks ay medyo hindi pa rin dumarating!

So pagkalipas ng ilang oras, tumawag naman ang company na gumagawa ng sabon at shampoo at pamahid sa kili-kili (medyo mahirap syang gawan ng pantagong pangalan dahil isang letter pa lang alam mo na). So ayun nag test ako sa opisina nila sa makati. Test tapos antay ng tawag as usual, pero bago pa man din sila makatawag ay...

Inunahan na sila ng kakulitan ni Ms. Arlene ng LWS Media. Tumawag syang muli at sinabing magtest ako. Eh nakapagtest na ako, so interview na alng daw ang kulang. So ayun nung lunes september 22, 2008 eh ininterview ako ni Ma'm Kristine, ang HR director nila, at kinabukasan din, isa na akong writer para sa LWS Media.

March 31,2008 hanggang September 23,2008 eh unemployed ako.
Mahabang panahon rin kung tutuusin. Maaring sabihing nasayang na panahon  pero kapag tinitignan ko ang paligid ko, pag kinakausap ko ang mga kaopisina ko ngayon, at tinatanaw ang nakaraan, naiisip ko na marami akong natutunan dahil sa mahabang panahon na yun at  naiisip ko rin na kung hindi ko tinahak ang mahabang daan na yun, ay hindi ako mapapadpad sa kung nasaan ako ngayon.




Sunday, October 12, 2008

The End Is the Beginning Is the End

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Yan na ang huling araw na nag lagay ako ng kung ano mang post dito. Nakakaaliw dahil Marso pa lang ata matagal ko nang ginustong magsulat tungkol sa mga nangyayari sa buhay ko. Pero wala masyadong gana dahil abala ako sa pagiging unemployed.

Maraming beses ko nang inisip na sige magsusulat ako. Kaso pumusta ako sa sarili ko, sabi ko magsusulat ako kapag nakahanap na ako ng trabaho. Eh ayun malay ko bang aabutin ako ng halos 7 buwan bago man lang ako makahanap ng trabaho. Kaya ngayon gusto kong balikan ang lahat ng kaya kong alalahanin mula sa mga lumipas na buwan.



Uunahin ko na dun sa bago kong laruan. Nung nakatapos ako ng college, binigyan ako ng tito ko ng isang bagay na matagal ko nang inaasam asam, isang DSLR. Sabi ko dati sa sarili ko,  wala man akong skill dito sa photography, pag meron ako nito, feeling ko gagaling ako. Ayun nabigyan nga, meron na akong Canon Rebel XT (350d sa mga ayaw sa north american branding, pwede ring Canon Kiss N kung japan ang trip mo)

Eto sya:


Canon 350D + 18-55mm Kit Lens and 50mm/f2.8 lens.

Gusto kong isiping tama ako. Naniniwala ako na gumaling nga ako. Pero sa palagay ko hindi ito dahil sa nabigyan ako ng magandang camera, pero dahil sa nagkaroon ako ng panibagong interes sa Photography. Ang pagresearch, pag hanap ng mga tutorials ay nagsimula dahil sa kagustuhang magamit ko ang regalo ng tito ko sa kanyang pinakaibuturang kakayahan (to its full potential).

Marami na rin akong mga kuha na talagang nagustuhan ko (click to enlarge)





Mula sa masayang laruan, e dun naman tayo sa medyo malungkot na parte ng buhay ko. Nung magtapos ako ng kolehiyo, kaagad akong naghanap ng trabaho. Hindi naman dahil sa workaholic ako, pero medyo di ko lang gusto ng nabuburo sa bahay. Wala na kasing allowance na pwedeng ipunin, kaya wala ng masyadong pang gimik. Kaso gaya nga ng nabanggit kanina medyo natagalan ang application ko. Madalas tuloy Iniisip ko kung malas lang ba ako, o talagang tanga sa pag apply.

Ang pinakauna kong application na naprocess ay sa company na itatago natin sa pangalang A. Ang A ay isang IT outsourcing company dito sa may cubao at meron din sa may pioneer. Kung di ako nagkakamali, nagaaral pa nga ako nung mga panahong nagtest ako dun. Nung interview-han/ hiring na, medyo napaatras ako. Hindi naman sa mukha akong pera o anu-man pero medyo hindi kasi malaki yung offer, tapos hindi pa ako dun ipwepwesto sa building sa tapat namin. So napatanggi ako. Ayos lang naman dahil ang travel ko lang naman ay mga 5 minutes mula opisina kung saan ako ininterview hanggang bahay ko.

Pagkatapos ay sa isang advertising company sa may Timog na itatago natin sa pangalang D.A.  Sa jobstreet ko ata napulot ang application dito at Production Coordinator ang position. First interview ko ata talaga to kung tutuusin, medyo di ko kasi tinuturing na matinong interview yung A haha (parang feel ko eh damay lang ako ng mass hiring needs nila). Sinamahan ako ng ninang ko hanggang opisina nila at ayun na. Okay pa naman daw ang credentials ko, Okay rin ang sagot ko, maliban sa isa! May tinanong sa akin na hindi ko nasagot ng tama, at medyo kinabahan ako at wala nag panic at ayun basura na ang application. Doon ko na rin unang narinig ang napakasayang We'll call you in a week. Siguro nasira ang kalendaryo nila dahil hindi pa sila tumatawag hanggang ngayon.

Sumunod naman dito ay ang company I. Isang BPO sa eastwood. Nagwalk in test ako kasama ang kaibigan ko, at awa ng diyos naipasa ko naman. Nainterview na rin ako nung HR ,at endorsed para interviehin ng bigwigs. At nainterview na nga ako ng mga bossing, tapos tapos tapos biglang nagiba ang ihip ng hangin. Ang inoffer na position eh something about E-learning kaso ang oras eh yung tipong gising ka pag tulog na ang lahat.Sa loob loob ko medyo maaga pa naman ang taon, medyo fresh na fresh graduate pa ako, kaya ko pa sigurong maghanap ng iba.

Sumunod dito ay ang company AP, isang "advertising firm" sa Makati. Ang AP ay isang company na inapplyan ko mula sa Jobsdb.com. Ang position daw marketing trainee, Aba yan na ang position na palagay ko bagay sa akin, lalo na't management graduate ako. Noong araw ng interview, ang mga kasama ko mga big shots din, may summa cum laude pa nga from UP, siyempre naging proud ako. Sabi ko sa sarili ko wow nashort list ako kasama niya! Tapos ayun na dumating ang interviewer. At ang masasabi ko lang ay WOW. Medyo hot sya, yung tipong iisipin mo na kahit anong ipagawa sayo nito gagawin mo, ng Yes Ma'm! opo ma'm, ngayon na po! Hindi lang ako ang nakapansin nito, kahit yung mga babae kong kasama (ako lang yung lalake na ininterview nung batch na yun, group interview kasi) sabi super ganda niya. So ayun natapos ang group interview at nagschedule na ng 2nd interview na individual + filed work na para makita kung gusto mo ang gawain. Nung maghihiwalay na kami sa grupo eh napagdesisyonan naming hingin ang numero ng isa't isa, para wala lang para friends kami. Eh nagkataon ang isa sa mga kagroup ko eh naschedule ng mas maaga. so tinanong ko kung kamusta, at yun nalaman ko kung ano ang advertising na gagawin. Ang advertising pala ay tinatawag na human commercial. Lalapit ka sa mga tao sa mall at magaadvertise! wow Marketing trainee nga! Good luck naman sa akin. Kaya nung oras ko na para sa second interview eh wala napa cancel na ako. Napagtanto ko na kahit anong hot pala nung boss ko eh may mga bagay pa rin akong tatangihan.

Ang sumunod naman ay isang bangko na itago natin sa pangalang B. Si bank B ay dun din sa makati at katabi nya ang building kung san nakalagay ang opisina ng AP Company. Ang position naman dito ay marketing assistant/trainee. Sa una may preliminary interview tapos second interview tapos ganon din may test, tapos kung naipasa mo eh dun ka na bibigyan ng application form. Eh ang kaso second interview pa lang, sabi na sa akin nung Cute na HR person na itatago natin sa pangalang Kisses, nako sarado na yung position na gusto mo, so magtest ka na lang kasi sayang din nandito ka na. So ayun nagtest ako kahit medyo sa isip ko walang patutunguhan. Pero hindi tumawag sila after a few days at ang sabi punta ka dito sa Quezon City business center, dito sa isang branch namin may magiinterview raw sa akin. At syempre pumunta ako, aba akalain mo yun ang naginterview sa akin eh yun atang branch manager or something (basta feel ko mataas ang position niya) tapos ang ending eh iba raw ang marketing qualifications na hinahanap nila. Hindi sila into graphics/ideas/multi-media advertising  ang gusto raw nila eh yung taga draft ng letters. Sabihin ko man na kaya ko rin yun (at sa palagay ko ay kaya ko rin) eh hindi na rin eepekto, dahil nung interview eh halos ipinagdikdikan ko na marunong ako gumawa ng ads :P At yun tama nga dahil narinig ko rin ang we'll call you in a week at tulad ng sa D.A. company dun sa timog (there's something about Q.C ah) eh nastuck din ang Kalendaryo nila. 

(itutuloy)

Ayan ang mga misadventures ko sa application so far. Meron pang iba, pero para makahinga naman ang aking mga mambabasa, eh sa next edition ko na ilalagay yun. Sa totoo lang naexcite ako na magblog ulit. Kahit title niyan pinagisipan ko talaga ng todo todo. Title yan ng kanta ng Smashing Pumpkins para dun sa soundtrack ng Batman and Robin ata yun. Naisip ko lang kasi lahat ng panimula, ay pagtatapos nga naman ng isang panimula. Siguro mas magiging malinaw to sa susunod na post.


Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Vector


I saw a display picture of my friend in yahoo messenger. I was bored so I asked for it and decided to create one of those vector style thingie faces. Comparing it with my previous attempts at vector faces I guess I really am improving hehe


123456.txt

I'm just cleaning up my desktop and I found one of this text files that was there. I usually just copy paste statements, quotes or whatever else I find amusing and just paste them in a txt file and then name it as whatever. Hence the filename 123456.txt

I have no idea where this came from. I also don't know if i believe in the statement but it piqued my interest so here's the text:

If the time comes that you are not already sure where you stand in someone’s life, it’s best to leave things behind so that if they drop you off, it will be easier to forget them. Don’t waste time waiting for nothing; when efforts are not recognized, it’s best to just give things up. You’ve done your part, let them do theirs…
… though it’s hard maybe it's the right thing to do...

Tetris

This is a post done a few months back, I just found it typed up somewhere and realized I haven't uploaded it yet, so I guess this is a retro post or something.
The name of the Game is tetris.

I was fixing my room when I came across one of my gameboy consoles. I have nearly all the incarnations of it only missing out on the gameboy micro.

While I have a whole lot of games for it (most coming from the time my dad was still working in thailand) the one that was inserted into it was Tetris. So I booted it up, to just test if it still works but then I found myself strangely addicted to it again.

A Brick game. Nearly everybody knows the basic rules of the game. Fill up a straight line horizontally without any gaps to make it vanish and keep the blocks from reaching the top and filling up the screen. I found myself trying to find out how high I can get my score to be when I start from level 0 (so far 386,XXX). Admittedly I'm not a very good tetris player so that took me some time and a multitude of replays to reach.

Most people have this strategy wherin they build up a stack but leave a space at either of the ends to be able to wait for an I block (you know, the straight line) so that they can score a tetris. As I built up that stack, I kept waiting and waiting until I realized that the damned straight block wasn't gonna come anytime soon and I just had a tall and structure that wasn't gonna vanish easily.

I got a game over more than a few time because of this. And After a few plays I began to see a semblance of the game to my life (Yes, I am quite bored and have a lot of time and thinking on my hands).

I realized that sometimes I had to be contented with taking out a smaller section rather than the grandslam 4 lines. I began thinking that at some points in my life I was so enthralled with this single idea of what I want to be, or what I want to become that I keep on waiting and waiting only to realize in the end that it's not gonna come anytime soon. And I end up missing opportunities.

I guess being unemployed I can't shake that feeling that I may have missed some opportunities already, because I want to find that place where in I can find the job that I want and that wants to hire me as well.
While I still don't have a job as of now, I received a psp so I'm not into tetris now, hehe lumines is my new game.

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Iron Man

Iron Man WAS one of my favorite superheroes when I was still young. I became a fan of Iron Man because of playing video games.

For starters the arcade game Captain America and the Avengers was my first exposure to the superhero. He had this beam blast move and considering the alternatives were Arrows by Hawkeye or Captain America's Shield throw (there was another character but I can't remember his power) I started to choose him a lot. And I played a whole lot of arcade games when I was young (sadly much more than I can afford to do now, ooh 4 peso tokens in worlds of fun and fiesta carnival where are you?)

He also was a playable character in a host of marvel fighting games (Marvel Super Heroes: War of the Gems,Marvel Super Heroes and Marvel vs. Capcom 1 and 2. and I like his moveset especially the fact that the proton cannon looks powerful. So I was exposed to him a lot.

He was also in other games like X-Men Legends II: Rise of Apocalypse and Marvel: Ultimate Alliance. But I never really used him there since I'm a wolverine guy and he was really the one that I use the most (but this would be a story for another day).

Anyway I played all these games before I started reading comic books. So most of my stories of Iron Man are non canon and mainly focused on the good things that he does.

But I started dropping my admiration for the Iron Man superhero thingie when I read the story arc of Marvel Civil war. This is quite shallow since I just happened to like the other side (the one Iron Man is not on) and well that's that. Quite childish haha

Now onto the Movie, I liked it, it was not short but it didn't drag too much. I also like the Tony Stark portrayal there and the tale of Iron Man's origins was goofy enough that I enjoyed it. The butterfingers robot was cool hehe.

Anyway, after seeing the Movie here's the Panda Thingie that I made. Uhm Photoshop pen tool, convert point, blur filters, and layer blending options. I really liked doing this, I made this part by part like armor plates being layered on top of the other, and while looking at it by turning off the visibility of some the layers I guess I was imagining the construction of the ironman suit.

The Forbidden Kingdom

Saw The Forbidden Kingdom with my dad last saturday.

When I first saw the movie's trailer I thought that it wasn't really going to sell because it was a good movie but rather because it was an event. And I guess even they realized that by featuring the tie up of Jet Li and Jackie Chan in their trailers.

So before watching the movie I was really just in the mindste to be contented with seeing the fight scenes. However I was pleasantly surprised because I found myself enjoying the movie. Part of it was because of Jackie Chan's style of humor and the major part is because that girl who played that sparrow thingie was cute (and for me she was even hotter on the modern day scene) Also I had recently played Warrior's Orochi and staff fighting and mass crowd beat em up style scenes were still quite fresh on my mind.

Which leads me to this "work". I think this really sucks. I was doing the flat part of the shirt/robe thingie when I got tired because I kept on getting things wrong so I just decided to give up And try different filters to achieve a certain look. But I wasn't able to pull it off so it's a hodge podge of different filters and shapes with no real purpose haha.


Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Panda

Decided to try to create a panda image just because I really find pandas cute.

One of my friends said the panda looks chinese, and I guess subconsciously I did that because I remember watching a show about Pandas and in that show they explained those pandas are found in China.

Again Pen tool and shape tool for the panda. The background was just some shapes and blending modes and a default photoshop filter (which one exactly is something I don't know).

Penguin Boy




I think I was watching nickelodeon's The Fairly Odd Parents and when the show finished they showed a clip made by some animators about a guy with a Penguin family being chased by someone with a bull dog on top of a flat iron (makes sense?).

During those hours where I'm supposed to be in bed and dreaming of better days. I decided to fire up photoshop and try my hand at creating my own cartoony image. And I came up with this penguin boy thing.

Mostly used the shape and pen tool's convert point function to come up with the different shapes. Not as nice as what I had in mind but I guess it looks cute enough.

Swirls


This stems from me being unlucky (?) in my job hunting activites which then leads to me having a whole lot of free time in my hands. One of the things that helped me de-stress from the pressure of being a bum, as well as pass some time was trying to learn how to improve my skills in the use of photoshop. So I tried doing some images again, I guess this time my foucs was more on creating things from my own imagination rather than rely on tutorials and other stuff.

That said, I was looking at some files on my computer and saw this. One of My friends commented that it was nice. So lookig at it again I tried to remember how to pull it off (I lost the link to . So after some fiddling around with the tools and filters I was able to come up with this variation.

For me the image is quite nice, the different color variations that one can do with its color however (I think I also mentioned this in my previous post) I have no idea how to incorporate it into other works. Suggestions for that would be very much appreciated.

Going back to the thing about doing my images from my own imagination and creativity and skills, I'm reminded of something that I read somewhere, a few years back. It went something like "Photoshop Filters does not make someone an artist (or was it Graphic designer I have forgotten the exact thing)". Now I'm not claiming to be an artist or a graphic designer, but in a way it hits that I really should try to improve my own understanding and use of the tools rather than be reliant on tutorials and filters.

And although "Photoshop Filters does not make someone an artist" it sure helps in making something nice :)

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Blogging

Im starting to notice how I am slowy becoming active in updating my blog. Part of it has something to do with the lighter schedule that I have, another is because it's holy week and there's really no one to talk to or no place to go to but I guess the bigger thing is how the words of Sir Ruey De Vera in my Com 142: Feature Writing class seemed to stick in my head's mental burs.

He said:
KEEP ON WRITING.

Simple words actually, not necessarily life changing for me, but something that really touched a nerve for some reason. I am not so sure of the context of why he said that statement but I guess that exactly is the point of it. To keep on writing no matter the context, may it be for requirements or for pleasure. To just write, whatever the topic or situation.

As for me I write (type would perhaps be more appropriate) for different reasons such as to improve my grammar skills (I'm not doing a very good job in this regard), to relieve stress, to express emotions and to reminisce are a few of them.

I guess another things is that I actully write to be read. Not actually to be read by others but I actually find importance in making me read this things that I wrote in order to evoke the emotions that I felt during the time I'm writing them, or those that I felt during the event or thing or whatever that I was talking about. I guess similar to written notecards during an oral report or presentation, these writings give me that outline or reminders as to where I am and what I should be doing.


Tuesday, March 18, 2008

On Art

I'm currently in the period where I haven't officially graduated but already done with those academic requirements. This just means that I have a whole lot of time writing in my blog (yes, I am searching for work but well employers aren't really knocking on my doors). While doing my blogs, I just realized that I'm more comfortable writing (typing?) down ideas and emotions rather than speaking or being artistic about them. Now I know that there are a whole lot of ways to be artistic so to make it clear, what I mean by artistic I guess is drawing, painting, sketching and the like.

Which is quite a shame actually. For some reason I really do enjoy drawing and painting. I guess I can say that I would actually feel much more satisfied if I can come up with a good drawing/painting rather than a good written work. My friends chide for me this, saying that the works I did for my classes in third year (CS 175 and CS 176) are nice, and are in a sense artistic but there really is something quite different with being able to come up with a work that had no aid for filters, or the undo function.

I joined a class during my last semester in school called Introduction to Drawing and Painting, in the hopes of trying to increase my actually give me skills in those things. But well, while I did improve a bit, I still find myself seeing that the desire is there but unfortunate, my innate talent does not match with the desire.

I try to work on it through classes, tutorials and friends but sometimes I can't help but realize that artistic skills (as with other talents) are not simply things that can be attained through effort (but it helps a lot, I think I got a B in the painting class just through professor kindness and sheer effort) but also has that God-given component in it as well. I guess I'm stuck in this frustrating cycle of doing something that I like but not being able to show an output that would satisfy that like.

I got into thinking about art because I saw all these art materials that I bought for class. I was cleaning my room and then came upon a stash of watercolors, colored pencils, pastels and a sketch pad. So feeling artistic, I just drew, simply drew. I was finished and was packing my stuff when I stumbled upon the Free DVD from the Faber-Castell colored pencil and after watching it, I decided to color the drawing I did.

I came up with this:

This image actually presents it way better than seeing it in real life. Hehe as with all my "artistic endeavors", they look better when they're smaller or farther away from the viewer.

I have no idea where that face came from... Probably from watching death note and looking at various Visual-Kei artists. Finishing the image depressed me quite a bit because looking at the finished product made me realize how I just don't have the touch.

I was about to put away all my art materials when I remembered a joke I told a friend about me drawing a picture of her. So I decided to just keep some pencils (an hb, a 6b and a 2b) and a page from the sketch pad. And then sketched. I finished the pencil sketch this evening and looking at it, I saw that I actually improved. I compared the drawing to the one I did for class which was of Utada Hikaru and well at least now, it has a semblance of the person I was trying to draw.

I guess tonight was just one of those moments where you learn more things about yourself. While I understand that I do not have the innate gift that God seemed to have provided to a whole lot of my friends (which I admit makes me envious), I also gained the feeling that I do not suck as much as I think I do.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Let Me Go, Let You Go...

These days I'm probably thinking and reflecting about the things that are happening to me and around me using more brain cells than I usually do. I attribute it to the fact that I don't really have any academic concerns due to my impending graduation which leads my brain cells to have more "thinking power" than I usually give.
(here is a yahoo messenger conversation by someone who reacted to my status message. I can't remember what message it was exactly but it was one of those sentimental love messages that I happened to like and I just placed as my status)

Cel: youre always in love
micogold: nah
Cel: doesnt the endorphins go away?
micogold: it would have been great if i was
Cel: good for you
micogold: haha
Cel: lol
micogold: sana nga in love na lang ako, kaso wala eh haha
Cel: i just assumed since yung stat mo palagi senti, as if youre always madly in love with someone haha
Cel: or maybe youre just in love with love
micogold: i think im in love with love
Cel: thats good i guess haha, though it might leave you always hoping
micogold: haha not really, maganda lang naman ang linya, di ko naman isinasapuso
Cel: ahhh hahaha


And after that, I read a book called Uh-Oh Some observations from both sides of the Refrigerator Door by Robert Fulghum. In it was a line which I later learned came from a song.

Falling in Love with Love is falling for make-believe!
Falling in Love with Love is playing the fool!

And Fulghum commented: "Right. Count us all in. At Least once. How else could we know it's true."

Yeah, count me in...

As for the title of this post, it came from an anime. It's an instrumental rock piece that came from Kacho Oji (also known as Oji the Section Chief or Legend of Black Heaven) I rediscovered it in my collection as I was cleaning my hard drive.

For some reason the piece brings to me a lonely, sentimental mood while at the same time enticing me in a way to start falling in love again. Perhaps if someone would be able to watch the show and see the context of the song being played in the story, one would understand better why I feel the way I do...



I know that I've only been in one serious relationship in my entire life and I may not be an expert in it. But I believe that I've had my fair share of ups and downs and joy and hurt that would enable me to say a few things about it.

A few days ago, I chanced upon something that made me wonder about how one should approach the coming of love. Perhaps what I'm trying to say is that moment when one begins to realize the development of a potential relationship.

More often than not people try to abstract it, and then begin to weigh the pros and cons, and then decide from there. And while this is quite useful I guess, I tend to believe that it is quite unnatural for people to be doing this. As what I learned in Philosophy class said, Sometimes abstraction (from what i understand it's taking the experience out of the context of our common understandings and working from there, err that's why I only got a C+ in Philo...) tends to desiccate the experience. This is what I think happens when it is so obvious that love (or whatever it is that I'm talking about right now) is already present between the two but then people decide to just step away and say it's not right, or it's not worth it or other similar things.

I beleive that when God blesses you with the opportunity to experience loving and being loved, the proper response to it is to seize the day, grab the opportunity, hold it and never ever let go...

Perhaps I say these things because I myself would want that blessing... not only the experience of being in love with love but being in love with somene and being loved by someone. Perhaps the context of the song (roughly explained, a love that could never be...) is something close to me as well.

What I wouldn't give for that opportunity to be able to love her or to be loved by her...

So yeah, Let Me Go, Let You Go...

Friday, February 22, 2008

Ewan

I have no idea what exactly I am feeling right now.

I just had my last college class today and it does feel a little weird. They said final days are a kind of bittersweet moments. And right now, to be quite honest about it, I'm still searching for the sweet part of it.

I took a walk around the campus after my Philosophy class. I know it was quite sentimental on my part, but I can't help it.

I wanted to write something about this last things but I'm still a bit shellshocked by everything. So just wait for the next one.

Saturday, February 09, 2008

Welcoming the Year

A Post that's long overdue. I got quite busy with so much school work that I kept on postponing this entry. I've been on a hectic schedule this past few weeks but since I'm procrastinating in doing my LS part this very moment I finally found the time to write it.

So Happy 2008! (wops medyo outdated na)
Happy Chinese New Year! (okay mas recent pero late pa rin hehe)

So this is my hmm kinda annual year in review thingie. I really like making this post, it's something that's fun to read and go back to as the years pass. It's like a reminder of events emotions and experiences that I had during a whole year. A time capsule in a blog. That and it's also quite nice to be able to have an outlet to say thanks to the people who played a big part in my year.

The start of the year was quite hectic. The first three months were filled with POM and Finance exams, the Pom paper, a Mesh Wifi paper, a movie that needed to be shot, philosophy orals, dream projects and the irritating (but amusing?) creative journals. It was stressful but fortunately I was still able to get a decent grade after all of this.

Being in comtech, I still had to take summer classes after the sem. So instead of rest and relaxation (which a whole lot of my friends and batch mates were doing) I was stuck in a classroom to discuss economics and politics. It wasn't that hard really, it was even quite enjoyable except for the waking up at 7:30am for an economics quiz everyday part.

It was also my first time to volunteer for the ORSEM. It was a great experience. It was quite tiring but the freshman block that I was a part of were really friendly and easy to handle.

The first semester of my fourth year in college was probably the second lightest that I had (the lightest goes to the first semester of the second year). It was light because of the presence of electives and since I'm not minoring I was able to pick electives that I liked and not ones that were "required". It also helped that I got very kind professors as well as a nice schedule (thanks to the1 flawed AISIS system at that time, my random number sucked but it came and saved the day). It was also a time of groupworks and for some reason this was the sem wherein I wasn't really able to be with the people who were my usual group mates. But all the people I worked with (some I even met for the first time because of the group) were responsible and reliable which really helped lighten the load.

The second semester was a whole different ball game. It was filled with papers left and right, from ls to theology to philosophy to feature writing (duh?) and of course CTK. The only thing that does not require a paper was my drawing and painting class. This time though, I was "reunited" with my usual groupmates so at least that helps out a lot.

During the last month of the year, I was in a way able to rekindle memories of the past that I seem to have forgotten. Ms. Fay invited me to her birthday party and well things turned out pretty well. Seeing my old teachers and being with former classmates made me remember my high school days.

It was also during this year's christmas break that my cousin came to visit. It was great hehe he really should visit us more often. Or perhaps I should work on visiting them. Well whichever comes first I guess.

Ayun isang taon nanaman ang lumipas, gaya ng mga lumipas na taon halo halong emosyon ang nadama. May masaya, may malungkot, may nakakatuwa at may nakakainis. Lahat lahat yun ay nagsama upang bigyan ako ng isang makabuluhang taon at umaasa ako na ganito rin maligaya ang susunod at mga susunod na taon.


-James Wyson:
err see previous years? Default naman na hahaha lagi naman kitang kailangan pasalamatan haha basta Salamat yun na yun
-Mich Cruz, Kathy Calilao, Luigi Singson:
Sa taon yun napakadalas nating magkasama, salamat sa pagsama at pakikisama sa akin. Masayang karanasan ang mga pagtambay natin doon sa mateo steps.
-Hans Huvalla:
CS 31, POM 102, FIN 104, ECO 111, POS 100, CS 156, LS 100, COM 142, LS 125 at CTK 41. Lahat yan magkaklase tayo hehe Hindi pa kasama dyan yung mga class na same prof tayo haha Salamat sa pagsama at sa pagbahagi ng iyong mga kaalaman.
-Richmond Fang, Alex Junia, Deneb Plazuela, Jelyn Baccay, Micci Venzon:
CTK and LS groupmates! Dun pa lang dapat na kayong Pasalamatan haha. Isipin niyo na lang ang mga make or break papers sa huling taon ng klase at napili niyo ako upang isama sa grupo.
-Tracy Ong:

(english naman para maintindihan niya kung mabasa niya to) Thanks for the notes and staying up with me during those hellish marathon cramming study sessions/magazine creations hehe (LS 100, CS 176, THEO 141 and 151, and the drawing class come to mind) and even if we just joke about kicking each other's ass, It really helps in pushing me to do more so thanks.
-En Estrada, Macky Siazon, Cess Cuartero, Jill Tan, Flo Co, Gab Gabriel:
THEO 151 Groupmates. Salamat sa pagtanggap sa akin hehe at kahit na hindi tayo originally magkakakilala salamat at nakagawa pa rin tayo ng isang magandang presentation (B+ nga eh) hehe
- Other Groupmates:
hehe karamihan kasi nasabi ko na sa itaas. pero dun sa mga hindi nadamay. Alam niyo naman ako, magtratrabaho ako pero siyempre iba pa rin yung may tumutulong sayo at may mga kasama ka. So salamat!
- Sir PJ Strebel
ibang klaseng klase. Natuto ako hindi lang talaga nagreflect sa grades ko haha pero seryoso natuto talaga ako. Sabi nga raw ni Mark Twain "i will not let schooling interfere with my education". So kahit na C+ lang ako sa 102 at C na lang sa 103 masasabi ko na talagang may natutunan ako dito.
- Philosophy Classmates
I would have liked to mention everyone's names but then I forgot a lot already hehe. (patay pag nagtrip na magquiz si sir strebel at ako ang natawag lagot tayo) Wala lang gusto ko lang pasalamatan dahil sa pagalala ko sa pangalan nila at pag alala nila ng pangalan ko kahit papano naging bahagi sila ng buhay ko at sana ako naman ay naging bahagi ng buhay nila. Siguro special mention sina Keb, Cat, Patrick, Ane, Kate, Kevz at Pao.
- Sir David Tran
I really enjoyed the classes in CS 175 and 176. Even if the tests were hard :P The Sir Tran experience was really something to enjoy. The grades he gave me were a big plus too!
- Ms. Fay Irasga
Salamat sa Pagimbita sa party.Naging daan ito upang matuto akong lumingon sa pinanggalingan. Siyempre bonus na rin na ang sarap nung pagkain. hehe
- Blockmates:
I know that we don't really get together much. But it still feels nice when you have the feeling that no matter where you go or whatever class you attend, you still have your home block to go back to.
- Block R2 2011
Thanks for allowing me to be a part of your lives. Ibang klaseng experience din pala ang other side ng ORSEM. Salamat sa pagiging makulit at masayahin at masunurin. Ilang beses ko ring nabasa yung isang papel kung saan nakasulat yung mga mensahe niyo para sa akin kapag nagpupulot ako ng mga nakakalat na bagay sa kwarto ko at masaya syang balikan.
-Starbucks Gateway Baristas
I'm not really a coffee person what more if that coffee costs 150 pesos, however last December, i wanted to give that planner to my sister so I started going to starbucks. And well Thanks to the Baristas, specifically Aileen, Liza, Jasper, it made me realize how Starbucks is not just coffee, it's an experience.
EVERYONE:
Ayun Pasensya na sa mga hindi ko napasalamatan, medyo low batt na utak ko hahaa Salamat na lang sa mga hindi ko pa napapasalamatan.


Sana sa susunod na taon kayo naman ang matulungan ko o mabahagian ko ng mga bagay na tulad o higit pa sa mga naibahagi niyo sa akin ngayon taon na to.