Welcome to my Feelings, Welcome to my Life...
Sle... Wasn't able to sleep last night. Was up for 3 hours listening to a single song. Trying to understand it, trying to get something from it. I dunno, I feel weird,shattered, stupid...
Took a bath a tad too early, that led into me arriving in school early as well (around 6:30). So early that I was the first to arrive in the room. So I went down and bought breakfast, went back to eat it and waited for the 7:30 class to begin (while still listening to that single song).
Felt really sleepy. I wanted to sleep in the library but I was afraiod that I might oversleep. Luckily Richmond and Chris wanted to sleep too.So we went to Berch to see where we could sleep. We were out of luck so we settled to sleep in the corridor. We slept on the area between the 2 doors of B207. Richmond leaning on the left, Chris lay down in the middle, and I slept on the right. Too bad no one took pictures I was really curious on how we looked like since Nikki told us that "Kulang na lang lata, pulubi na..."
We discussed some sad love poems in Mr. Remoto's class. Maybe it's because Valentine's day is approaching. The topic went to how Love is fleeting and that we must learn to let go and stuff like that. Hehe of course Sir Danton again looked at me and said "hindi ako bitter! HINDI! di ba Miguel?"...
It was kinda funny but I dunno I guess I took it a bit too seriously, in response I wrote a letter of some sorts. I wrote it during lit class hehe so Yes I wasn't really listening intently to the discussion but I was still paying some attention to it.
Ok let's just say that It's a letter to me, or to my Feelings:
Before I really believed in the Zen thinking of love being fleeting. Something like Love would not last forever. It won't last so we must cherish it whent it's there.
I guess it is more believable since this is what really happens in real life. Not unlike in hollywood and fairy tales where people always seem to live happily ever after.
But then I realized that to look at love that way (the zen way), would defeat the purpose of love. There would be a tendency to be pessimistic if I hold on to that kind of view.
I guess there should be balance. And I think little by little I'm understanding the balance between these two views.
I think that while it is true that love is fleeting, and that love would not last forever it is also not that significant. I'm starting to think that what is significant is fighting for that love, for trying to make that love last for eternity. Finding the courage to try and transcend the boundaries that people have set about love (about love not being eternal).
And I know that for this I would try to make it go on. That I would fight to make this "love" last forever. You may break me, shake me, hate me, but I will give it a shot. Any pain that I might go through because of this would not matter. I will not regret anything. I will give it a try. I won't give this up. Not now, not today, not ever...
Happy Valentines (12 days advanced)
And not long after I finished the "letter" the bell rung, and I went out of the room with a little bit clearer picture of my feelings.
Currently Listening to:
Devotion - My Prayer