Who am I?

I haven't blogged in a while, schoolwork has made me quite busy... I have no event to talk about I don't have an amazing story to tell either. I think this post is more of a rant, just typing words in white heat. I'm rambling on and on, because I doubt people would understand what I'm talking about but I wouldn't want to seem stupid and talk to myself about it. Well enough of that here goes...

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Philosophy, CS 176, a website creation test and my Computer's collection of Hardware and Software made me realize something about myself... I don't know who I really am.

A little background:

CS 176 is my Major Elective. It is electronic publishing. I joined the class for a couple of reasons, the first of which is to be with my friends (they were required to take this class) the other is to improve on the talents that I thought I had when it comes to computer design skills. However, after a couple of projects and tests I realized that this artisitc talent is not really in me.

Friends of mine, especially those that I have worked with, have that impression that when it comes to these stuff (photoshopping and the like) that I'm pretty good. I think they miss the fact that the perceived skill that I have is not really talent but more of equipment.

My computer is basically wired for hardware-intensive graphic applications (a pretty good offshoot of wanting a gaming rig) and well the works that I have done are really just products of having better software to be able to handle those tasks as compared to my peers. I now wonder, if my friends had access to the same equipment that I'm using, the same access to the friends that taught me how to operate these things how good could their work be?

So how does this all play out into me not knowing who I am?

During Philosophy class, Mr. Strebel told us an anecdote, an artist who created masterpiece after masterpiece, then suddenly fell into a slump that he can't get out of and he begins to question himself, Who am I? am I really an artist? and maybe he begins to realize that he was not able to get out of a slump because he isnt really an artist to begin with.

Which is what I believe is slowly happening to me. That realization that I don't know who I am.

Perhaps if I ask people who know me, sa palagay mo ba ano ako? I'm betting that most would answer a techie guy, good with computers and stuff or something similar. But when faced with challenges such as that online web test, apparently I'm not as good as they and I thought.

My friend said, Mico ano lang yan parang jack of all trades, master of none... And it could be true but remember being an ok web designer, an ok graphic artist, an ok whatever would not be given as much consideration when compared with a great designer, a great artist or a great whatever else.

a jack of all trades, being versatile or just being mediocre.

So I Started asking myself what the heck am I really good at? What is that thing that could help me find that starting point to know myself? Up to now I still haven't found an answer...

Face

An attempt to make a vector art face failed because of the details.

I basically just assembled shape layers, I didn't touch them after they looked like a face so of course it would lack details.

The eyes lack shine. The hair seems pasted on, everything looks bad.The nose is extremely bad, i didn't realize that just making the nostrils in a different color would have been enough to give the impression of a nose, but i didn't know that yet when I was doing the face so there.



This image sucks...

Love Me. Please?

I had been doing this Poring (from ragnarok online) rip-off since this morning (I even changed the wall paper at my school computer to one of my creations) however I had always used the paint brush to draw the eyes and mouth, but tonight I tried to make a different look.

When I was looking at my work, I thought that the eyes that I made seemed to had that sad look, something like its pleading for something. Because of that I thought of putting in tears, so i used the pen tool to try to create a tear like shape and there, I also thought of putting a statement that would match the eyes and Love me. Please? popped into my head.

Now all the critters that I've made previously were simple, just that weird roundish shape, which was quite easy since you basically had to make a circle and just manipulate the points, but now that I had a statement, I wanted the creature to hold a sign bearing that statement, and so I had to figure out how to give him "arms" which was quite a trouble since I really didn't have a great command of the mouse. Well here was my effort.

Challenge 3

I saw the technique somewhere, I really can't remember where but well here's my rendition of it.

I used the picture of the Freshman R2 Block since it was the first picture that I saw in the folders haha, I hope they won't mind me using their faces for this challenge.

Splitting the picture was done quite easily, the problem spot was trying to make thumbtacks using the pen tool, but i guess i was able to do ok.

Challenge 2

I'll consider my previous image (You have stolen my heart) as the first so this is going to be number 2.

I don't know where i got the line, I don't remember hearing it from any movie or reading it from somewhere but well it was in my mind at the time I opened up photoshop so well here it is.

As I said the challenge isn't really about beauty but trying to learn more about photoshop from tools to techniques so there. And I guess 1 hour was too much for this haha, this was quite simple so I guess I just used up half of that hour.

Challenge Thyself

I've been playing around with photoshop these days. I guess part of it is attributed to boredom, another part is wanting to improve my skills. I guess I'm also subconsciously telling myself that I don't need to buy a pen and a tablet. I saw one a few days ago and I wanted to purchase something similar so I guess through playing with photoshop I'm trying to prove to myself that I could create something nice without having to purchase that pen and tablet.

So I decided to challenge myself, I have to make a graphic each day. I decided that for it to be not too time consuming for me, I'd limit it to an image done within an hour. Through this exercise I hope that I'd be able to improve my skills, my creativity and save myself a few thousand pesos.

You have stolen, you have stolen my, You have stolen my heart...

Dashbored mode...

I was bored and was just listening to some Dashboard Confessional songs. Not really sure if I can relate to the song, but it popped into my playlist and since I had half an hour before my download was finished and I wasn't really in the mood to do anything productive, I decided to create a very very simple picture based on the song.

I know its not really a beautiful image but if I had money I'd make a t-shirt out of that design. Haha I don't know i think it's also inspired by a shirt that I saw somewhere...

Mico, Theology and Philosophy...

Cast:
Mico
Kobe (the persian cat)
isang ipis...

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Siguro mga alas tres na ng umaga noon, gising pa ako dahil sa proyekto sa aking CS 176 Electronic Publishing na klase. Sumasakit na ang mata ko sa pagharap sa monitor ng Computer kaya napagdesisyonan ko munang tumayo at maghilamos.

Habang naglalakad ako papunta sa banyo, ay may nadatnan akong ipis na naglalakad lakad sa sahig sa may pintuan ng banyo. Dahil nakatuon ang pansin ng ipis sa kung ano man, hindi na niya napansin na may tao sa likod niya. Siguro ay "instinctual" na, agad agad akong nagangat ng paa at kinuha ang aking tsinelas. Sinipat ko ang ipis at umamba na ako upang hatawin ang walang kamalay malay na ipis. Ang ipis ay salot period, no return no erase. At dahil salot ito ay kailangan nang puksain.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit pero sa pagkakataong yaon, biglang sumagi sa isipan ko ang theology 151... "God's creatures" nga raw... Iniisip ko, hindi naman siguro demonyo ang lumikha sa ipis at marahil ay may nakalaang plano para sa kanya at sa mga tulad pa niyang peste sa buhay ng tao. Sumagi na rin ang Pilosopiya sa utak ko, kasalanan ba ng ipis ang kanyang pagkilos ng ganon. Ang pagkilos niya na itinuturing nating peste ay ang siyang pagkaipis ng ipis na ito. Naisip ko tuloy nasa kabuuan ba ng pagkatao ang pagpatay sa ipis? kung papatayin ko ang ipis na ito, mas nagiging tao ba ako?

Dahil sa pagiisip ko ay nagpasya akong hayaan na lang ang ipis... at dumiretso na ako sapag pagpasok sa banyo at paghilamos.

At paglabas ko eto ang eksenang tumambad sa aking paningin...

Mula sa isang sulok ay nandun si kobe, ang persian cat. Marahil ay nagising dahil sa pagbukas at sara ko ng pinto ng banyo. Nandun sya, nagmamasid, sinisipat-sipat ang ipis na hanggang ngayon ay nakatambay pa rin sa sahig. Pagkilos ng ipis ay dali-daling nilundag at inapakan ng pusa ang ipis. Durog... at tila hindi pa nakunteto rito ay pinagpasapasahan sa kanyang apat na paa ang unti-unting nawawatak watak na insekto. At ng masiyahan na sya ay bumalik sa kanyang sulok at natulog...

Ayun, natapos ang buhay ng ipis... Nadali siya ng isa pang Nilikha ng Panginoon, isang pusa na nagpapakapusa...

1255

Simple Joys...

Last friday I got really bored, I guess I grew tired of studying philosophy, grew tired of sitting still in front of a computer, grew tired of inactivity and decided to go out and exercise.

Exercise = Video Arcade...

of course not the typical sit on the stool, mash the buttons while rotating the joystick type, I decided to play Dance Maniax. You know the machine where in there are 8 sensors and you have to swipe your foot and/or hand according to the prompts on the screen and the beat of the music.

Being a gold card member in TimeZone entails a free game in one of their yellow swiper equipped machines and luckily Dance Maniax is a yellow swiper game.

The dance maniax machine that they have in Timezone gateway was the older version, I didn't really like it but I had no choice I guess. So I swiped and played...

I did the start-select thingie to choose Center (better control and view for me) trial mode (to be bale to get a good rank), and left the other options were left untouched.

After a few minutes of swiping, slipping, "grooving" and generally looking like an idiot who takes his games too seriously boom

1255 combo - S Rank - Machine ranking: 1st

finally finished a club mix trial mode without commiting any misses...

Haha

Simple joys indeed...

Driver's Low

I'm in the coolest drivers high...


1. July 14, 2007: Unang araw ng SS area napagisipan ko na pagkatapos ng SS area bibisitahin ko ang mga freshie na kasama ko nung nag Log ako nong orsem at pagkatapos ay gym sa moro. Dinala ko ang auto dahil hassle magbitbit ng sobrang daming gamit...

Ayos naman noong pauwi na pinasok ko ng paatras yung kotse pasok na at nung ipwinepwesto ko na lang yung pwit nung auto ay boom...





ayun good job...

2. July 20. 2007
Nagdala ako ng laptop sa school, at dahil mahirap magcommute ng may kargang laptop naisip ko na dalin yung auto... Ayos naman ang buhay umulan kaya nagpatila muna ako. Umuwi ako ng mga 6:00 at noong ipapasok ko na ang kotse, di ko natantay yung biglang bagsak nung auto at bang

[Wala nang larawan masyadong katangahan ang nangyari]

nasabit sa pader yung right rear door ko ayun pucha warak na warak...

Hayy sayang ang 4,000. Siguro mas sayang ay yung nawalang confidence sa paghawak ng manibela...

* July 28, 2007 ayos na ang auto, maayos naman ang trabaho at di na halata ang mga tama sa pintuan at sa bumper. Ang kumpiyansa ko na lang ang medyo tagilid ngayon, pero catch-22 yan eh, parang paano ka magkakakumpiyansa ng hindi mo dala yung auto, at pano ka magdadala ng auto kung wala kang kumpiyansa? Kailangan ko pa man din yung auto sa darating na linggo sana by that time ayos na ang utak ko...

Missed Shots...

Nakapaglaro akong muli ng soccer nung sabado. Matagal tagal na rin na panahon ang lumipas ng huling maglaro ako nito (ayan ay kung hindi kasama ang futsal). Siguro ang huling laro ko ay nung unang summer ko sa ateneo kung san nakisali ako sa isang laro doon sa field nung pauwi na ako, pero di ko maturing na ibilang ito dahil wala lang yun haha nakapantalon ako noon at ang sapatos ko pa ata yung mga tipong casual walking shoes lang.

Ayun nga naaya ako ni Luigi na maglaro, akala ko nung una mga tipong pick up game lang kung saan ang mga kasali ay mga kung sino sinong naimbitahan lang na maglaro mga tipong wala lang pilian lang ng kampi, kaso ang naging kalaro namin ay maituturing na isang buong team hehe ang mga manlalaro nila ay galing ng iba't ibang bansa tulad ng india/myanmar/korea hehe meron naman kaming 2 import na Japanese.

Masaya rin naman kaso marahil sa tagal ko na na hindi naglalaro sobrang bano na ng galaw ko. Wala na sa tyempo yung mga pasa, di na matantya yung distansya ng bola at kung ano ano pang kabanuan haha Pero masaya din naman dahil kahit papano laro yun, at ang bait at ang kasayang kalaro nung mga nakasama ko.

Missed shots.. mga sayang na pagkakataon, iniwan ko ang camera ko at sayang dahil sa palagay ko maraming possibleng magagandang larawan ang makukuha doon sa araw na yun. Kaya simula ngayon sa bawat labas ko siguro ay dapat ko na talagang bitbitin tong camera na to.

Knockout...

Alam mo yung sa boxing? yung tipong babanatan ka ng jab tapos biglang kombinasyong ng kanan at kaliwa tapos tatapusin ka ng isang matinding hook at yun knockout...

Nagising ako ng mga bandang 8 ng umaga (tumunog ang bell) sakto lang para sa 9:30 class ko CS 176: Electronic Publishing with David Tran as Prof. Ayos naman sana to eh, kaso hindi pa kami umaabot sa hand's on part so isang oras ng lecture na hindi ko rin masyadong maintindihan. Pero dahil maaga aga pa ayun kinakaya pa naman (parang jab lang).

Sunod naman yung Theo 151 with Mr. Dy-Liacco. Bible talk + lecture (bumanat ng straight) mukhang nayanig ako at nakaramdam ng antok hehe buti na lang kinaya pa, di naman ako natumba:

(Class room)
Prof: Discussion tungkol sa Amos sa bibliya chapter 3 ata yun
Ako: (inaantok antok at halos tulog na yung tipong nakapikit na at nahuhulog hulog na yung ulo)
Prof: Mr. Ruiz, do you go to prostitute houses after sunday mass?
Ako: huh? NO sir no,
Prof: Good Afternoon.

buti na lang kahit papano may malay pa ako nun kung di matinding kahihiyanan na

Tapos Philo 103 boom nagsasalita si sir strebel nalunod na ako boom para akong na straight ulit hindi man lang ako nakabawi sa tama kanina sa theo hehe pero di namanako natodo sa durog dahil may break pa ako.

Knockout punch yung tatlong oras na LS 100, hahay 6-9 pa talaga badtrip talaga yang ls department mag assign ng oras para sa amin. Di man lang kami binagyan ng matinong pagpipilian, kung hindi 6-9 na lunes, 6-9 na biyernes o kaya 9-12 na sabado, badtrip

paguwi ko pa di ko trip yung ulam haha kaya ayun knockout na

Tueday's 1-2 Punch: ITM 122 and CS 156

've been sitting in front of a computer for 4 hours and 30 minutes straight. Normally this would have been perfectly ok as I had been known to really sit and stare at a monitor for hours, however in this situation the computers are not equipped with computer games and I'm also not typing a paper for class. I could choose to listen to the discussion that is happening in front but what are the chances of that?

ITM 122's course name seemed like fun, ITM 122: Gaming and Management Games, well after 2 meetings we havent really started playing any games yet, hopefully things would pick up next week/meeting.

CS 156 is Management of Communications Technology, it's quite a boring class filled with lectures and powerpoint slides save for the occasional quips from the prof..

On the flipside at least I get to blog again, haven't really been active in doing that, I'm also planning on fixing the layout of both my blog and multiply account but I haven't got the time to do that yet.

Cross Posting

I finally realized that Cross posting between blogger and multiply is now working, I do remember a few months back that Beta Blogger (when google accounts where needed for blogger) was not quite compatible with the multiply cross post option so now it works so sorry for the deluge of posts coming from my previous blogger posts hehe was too lazy to uncheck any of them.

http://Golden-X.Blogspot.Com
http://micogold.multiply.com

Firsts...

Today marked a lot of firsts in my life I guess...

First time that we had a free cut in philosophy. Sir Strebel didn't arrive within the 15 minute timeframe usually given as allowance for teachers before declaring that the class is already a free cut. Kinda cool since this was the first time in nearly 1 and a half semester that Sir just didn't show up.

Today was also the first time I participated in an IAC semifinal basketball game. We ended up losing by 12 (44-32) and I played the last 30 seconds of the 3rd quarter. Not that I'm complaining but well there went my dreams of being the Sasha Vujacic against Dallas for the day.

Firsts... While I was in the Gym, (well actually papunta sa beverage bar) may nasilayan akong isang familiar face... A face that I haven't seen since the day we broke up... kinda funny to meet her here though hehe in ateneo of all places, i do remember our time together when she avoided going here hehe changes i guess.

2007

Ayun natapos ang 2006...

Masasabi ko na isa na ang taong nagdaan sa pinaka aktibo (?) o action filled (?) na taon sa buhay ko. Maraming mga pangyayari ang naganap noong nagdaang taon, mga pangyayaring nagpasaya, nagpalungkot, nagpabagabag, nagpaexcite at nagpagulo sa akin. Sa loob ng nakalipas na labindalawang buwan, mayroon akong mga nakilala, nalaman, nawala, natagpuan.

Siguro ang makakapag summarize lang ng lumipas na taon ay ang linyang madalas naming ginagamit ng mga kaibigan ko kapag nagbibiruan kami. Madalas naming masambit ang mga salitang

"Para kang sinampal sa mukha ng katotohanan"

Ang nagdaang taon ay isang Right-Left Combination ng katotohanan sa mukha ni Mico Ruiz.

Ang nagdaang taon ay nagpamulat sa akin sa mga bagay bagay tulad ng

Some of them are:
* The fine line between being understanding and being stupid.
* How every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end.
* How you can't force people to like you or your work. (HSBC)
* How interest is the key to studying. (CS 30)
* That faith must be a personal conviction and not blind belief imposed by my parents (Sir Dacillio, Fr. Rex, Luigi)
* Sometimes hanging back and just being a good soldier works (Gerald and Statistics project)
* Sometimes taking charge could do wonders as well (CS 30 presentation)
* Teamwork is the key to philosophy orals... (Luigi and Keb)
* All nighters are discouraged but are quite amusing if you got other people staying up as well (Thanks to Pau, Tracy, Khristian)
* kailangan mo ng mga matitinong kausap kapag ang gulo gulo na nang mundo (thanks to jeerah, james, iyah, luigi)
* Minsan naman beer ang kailangan mo (Shout out to: Khristian, Vanjo, Chris, Bianca, Tal, Chino)
* The mind is such a wonderful thing to waste hehe (Finance, Marketing, OPMAN)
* It actually feels good to work out...
* when all else fails, sleep

Ayun sana mas masaya sa 2007

Slow unsteady...

marami ako sanang gustong blog post, pero mukhang may problema ang dsl connection ko, sa download speeds ko na 2kbps talo pa ako ng dial up, pero sa websites naman steady lang, must have something to do with the servers and the routing topology (ayan nagamit ko na yung cs 30 at 31 sa buhay ko) one of the minor troubles brought about by the earthquake...

well anyways i'll probably up some posts before my break ends...

Iris...

For some reason, i got very addicted to hearing the song Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls again...

And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything seems like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

I got some videos from youtube. iris by Yvan Lambatan from PDA aws a heartfelt performance. iris sung in a concertm in a tv show, even one rendition by the Goo Goo Dolls with Avril Lavigne. But I got one video which had Johnny Rzeznik explaining how the song happened...

He explaing that he made it really for the movie, he wrote it while he was in the eyes of the lead character ( oh yeah the movie was city of angels) however he realized that it was quite applicable to a multitude of situations...

However i still don't know why the song is called IRIS. Probably something related to seeing, others say that there was a girl named iris and the song was for her.

Personally I think i's the former (And I don't want the world to SEE me) but well a song is interpreted in many ways so who knows?

Rant...

Marami akong gustong sabihin o ikwento pero eto na lang muna...

Isa sa mga pinapanood ko (hindi ko maituring na sinusubaybayan dahil hindi naman ako regular na manonood ng programa) ay yung Pinoy Dream Academy. Isa sa mga nagustuhan kong contestant (o scholar) ay yung si Yvan.

Siya yung pinakagusto ko, ngunit hindi ko naman masabing siya yung pinakamagaling (siguro ang pinakamagaling yung Panky o yung Yeng). Tapos natanggal siya kasama ni Rosita nung Sabado. Si Rosita para sa akin ayos lang, parang tila panggulo siya eh hehe pero si Yvan magaling eh.

So ayun natanggal, at saktong sakto ang ganda ng birit niya ng Iris nung matanggal siya.

Kaso naisip ko oo contest ito at talagang may matatanggal pero parang naisip ko, ano nga ba talaga ang PDA, isa ba itong talent search o popularity search lang. Kasi kung ibabase sa performance grades

Scholars:	Ave.
Yvan	8.48
Panky	8.47
Yeng	8.14
Irish	8.03
Ronnie	8.01
Chad	7.90
Jay-R	7.83
Rosita	7.35

(galing sa webstie ng pda)

Kaso yun nga, iisipin din siguro ng management ang marketability ng isang talent, malas lang siguro ni Yvan na hindi siya ganon kataas sa standard ng market pagdating sa kung ano ang gwapo...

hindi ako nagrarant dahil sa injustice or whatever, naalala ko nung panahon nung unang Star Circle Quest, alam ko na medyo wala talagang maipagmalaking talent si Sandara at hirap na hirap siya, pero hehe siya pa rin ang gusto kong maiwan o manalo pa nga.

Pero yun nga minsan siguro kailangan ding tanungin kung ano pa ang silbi ng mga jurors kung ipapaubaya rin lang sa tao ang botohan :)

Daily Delight

Hindi ka ba nagsasawa, o di kaya'y napapagod sa pagsusulat ng creative journal?

- OO!

Eh bakit mo ginagawa?

- ...grades

Artist Date#2: Singing in the rain

i went out to hear mass first, but i got tied up a bit and was too late for the mass. So i just went to the arcade and played my heart out... However, my body was still a bit sore from the workout last thursday, skating last firday, workout again yesterday, so iwasn;t really moving well in the dance maniax machine.

So I just ent out of the arcade and allowed my feet to take me where it wants to go, it led me to shopwise, so there I just put on my music player and went around the aisles without having any purpose, just enjoyin the airconditiong and my music.

As I got tired, I just picked up some snacks and headed for the register, After I paid and went out, I saw tat it was raining, However, I was not one who would waste time inside the store so I braved the rain.

While I was walking through the streets, the song as lovers go played on my ipod. For some reasonm, i got so immersed in the song that I was singing out loyd while walking through the rain, oblivious of the people around me...

Daily Delight

Good looks > Talent
Talent < Marketability

Yan ang naintindihan ko mula sa show na Pinoy Dream Academy. Putangina, hindi lang dahil yung Yvan yung gusto ko pero ang sablay talaga ng dating na palibhasa mas gwapo at mas ma-appeal yung ibang contestant nabalewala na yung quest for talent.

Sabagay kung may magtetext sayo= may bibili ng album (?) ganon siguro yung thiunking behind it.

Pero parang naging payamanan ng fans ang laban, kung may pera ka text lang, kung wala talo...

Medyo sablay to para sa aking panlasa, pero ganon eh, ganon ang takbo ng utak ng tao, kung sinong manok mo, yun na yun, wala ng talent talent...

---

Nagpagupit ako kanina...

Dati mahaba
Umikli ng onti
Humaba uliut
Maikli ng Konti
Maikli na

- partly because I wanted a new look
- partly because she wanted it shorter
-partly because I'm mpulsive and just wanted to have something to do...

Probably one of the fastet time between 2 cuts that I had, i guess my hairstyle lasted about 3 weeks.

I like my hair now, though I kinda miss the lenght hehe... My hair grows fast anyway so I'ts gonna be fine...

I wanna go boxing...

Daily Delight

Alam mo ba na ang December 8 ay ang itinkadang araw upang gunitain ang Immaculate Conception of the Blessed of the Blessed Virgin Mary...

Ang December 8 ay itinakdang holiday of obligation ng simbahang katoliko. Ibig sabihin requirement ang pagsimba sa araw na ito. Sa isang taon mayroon lamang tatlong holidays of obligation. (Ang hindi pagpinta sa simbahan/pagsimba sa mga araw na iyo ay kasalanan at dapat ikumpisal).

In my theory, the church requires you to attend only three (tres, 3, tatlo, san) masses. But the class in Ateneo... requires me ti write 3 pages everyday?

How's that for perspective???

Daily Delight

Finance... Anak ng Torotot namang finacne yan, parang accounting, the remix. Pucha naman, kahit papano gets ko pa kaso barely, just barely. Onting dagdag na lang wala na malalaglag na ako.

Minsan iniisip ko kung magagamit ko nga ba itong finance na to sa buhay ko. I'm in Comtech, Communications Technology Management, pero wala sa tatlong yan ang gusto ko talagang gawin sa buhay.

Ang gusto ko talaga (eto no joke) maging professional video game player. Balita ko sa ibang bansa (Korea ata yun) mala-michael jordan daw ang kasikatan, at may pera din Naisip ko parang napalapit din ako sa pangarap ko ng maging athlete kaso hindi sports, medyo videogames naman. ISipin mo parang basketball player lang. Practice drills laro ng bola araw araw. Ganon din siguro ang professional videogame player, practiceng laro, drills at maghapong laro ng video game.

Ika nga:

"Binabayaran ka para gawin ang ang bagay na ikaw mismo ay magbabayad para lamang magawa mo ito"

Kung matutupad to, siguro ang game na pipiliin ko yung NBA LIve, siguro sobrang maaliw ako na lumaban sa maraming klase ng manlalaro, Nba Live kasi hindi ako nagsasawa dito, Nba live kasi gusto kong magkaroon ng pagkakataon na lumaban sa mga taong manlalaro at hindi Cpu Lang.

Kung di naman NBA live, game din ako sa Counterstrike, naalala ko na dati maituturing kong magaling sa larong ito. May mga panahaon din dati na sa sobrang adik ko sa larong ito, kulang na lang ako yung magbukas ng Ali Mall at Net venture para makalaro... (hmm side note: san na kaya si sir fred, melanie and friends)

Siguro masaya ding maging professional player ng initial d, kaso yun nga lang di ako magaling dun, di ko pa rin kaya yung mga hair pin curves at mga drifts . Mahal din kasi ang larong to sa arcade.

pwede rin siguri yung dance maniax, kaso parang naging dancer lang ako, at alam kong maraming sobrang galing sumaway sa mundo at wala na rin akong balak na lumahok pa at sumingit sa kanila.

Kung may paraan lang sana na magkaroon ng course na "video game playing" dito sa ateneo eh di shift na ako. Alam ko sa ibang bansa meron eh, kaso kung magkaroon man dito sa 'pinas nun, di ko alam kung paano ko pmapapayag ang nanay ko na yun ang kunin kong kurso...

Daily Delight

Kahapon nilista ko yung lyrics ng kantang as lovers go. Kasi sobrang nadadama ko yung lyrics nung kanta. Siguro masama rin kaing nabrand ako ulang isang "lirt" o "naglalaro" lang sa panigin niya kaya ayun, rejected. Sabi nga ng kanta "You've got to be crazy, what do you take me for, some kind of easy mark?

Pero ako... seryoso ko, hindi ako tanga para sabihing mahal ko siya o anumang ganong kalokohan. Basta kaya kong sabihin na gusto ko siya, gusto ko siyang kilalanin at subukan pang mas mapalapit sa kanya. kaso yun nga flirting/infatuation lang ang labas nito sa paningin niya.

Magulo ang buhay ko pagdating sa mga ganitong bagay. hindi ko magamit dito yung karaniuwang confidence ko na kaya yan. Siguro kasi sa mga ganitong sitwasyon hindi lang sa akin nakasalalay ang mga bagay na nais kong mangyari.

Sabi dun sa kanta ni Sitti;

"Di kita pipilitin, sundin mo ang iyong damamin hayaan na lang tumibok ang puso mo para sa akin..."

Kaso paano kung hindi titibok ang puso niya para sa akin? Hahayaan ko na lang ba na lumipas yun?

Sabi nga ng Parokya ni Edgar

"At paano kung may contest na sinetup ang tadhana at ang unagn papremyo ay ang makasama ka
Di kaya sayang naman kung di ko man lang susubukan manalo sa paraffle ng tadhana..."

Sinabi rin nila na...

"ang pangarap ay mananatiling panaginip, kung wala akong gagawin upang makamtan ka..."

Of course by choosing one course of action over the other could lead to trouble. IF i force myself to stop, I think im short changing myself, sabi nga nila, " in the same way that you can't force people to like you, you can't force yourself to stop liking others as well.

However imposing my will, my desires on her (that didn't sound too nice) might end up destroying the friendship that we had/have.

Sabi nga sa kanta nung dating spice girl

"i thought that we would just be friends, things would never be the same again"

Daily Delight

Alam nyo yung kantang "As Lover's Go" ng Dashboard Confessional? Wala parang nakakarelate ako sa kantang yan ngayon.

She said, "I've got to be honest,
You're wasting your time if you're fishin' around here."
And I said, "You must be mistaken,
I'm not foolin', this feelin' is real."
She said, "You've gotta be crazy!
What do you take me for? Some kinda of easy mark?"

"You've got wits,
You've got looks,
You've got passion,
But I swear that you've got me all wrong."

All wrong
All wrong
But you've got me

I'll be true, I'll be useful, I'll be cavalier,
I'll be yours my dear
And I'll belong to you
If you just let me through

This is easy as lovers go.
So don't complicate it by hesitating.
This is wonderful as loving goes.
This is tailormade,
What's the sense in waiting?

I said, "I've got to be honest,
I've been waiting for you all of my life."
For so long I thought I was asylum bound,
But just seeing you makes me think twice.
And being with you here makes me sane.
I fear I'll go crazy if you leave my side.

"You've got wits,
You've got looks,
You've got passion,
But are you brave enough to leave with me tonight?"

Tonight
Tonight
You've got me

I'll be true, I'll be useful, I'll be cavalier,
I'll be yours my dear
I'll belong to you
If you just let me through

This is easy as lovers go. So don't complicate it by hesitating.
This is wonderful as loving goes.
This is tailormade, what's the sense in waiting?

This is easy as lovers go. So don't complicate it by hesitating.
This is wonderful as loving goes.
This is tailormade, what's the sense in waiting?

This is easy as lovers go. So don't complicate it by hesitating.
This is wonderful as loving goes.
This is tailormade, what's the sense in waiting?

Casino Royale

I have another requirement for my Com class aside from the CJ, it's the artist date... yesterday I went with the family to Gateway to hear mass and eat. After eating, my dad and I decided to watch Casino Royale at the cinema. Now I know that the Artist date is supposed to be done alone but well while in the cinema and the movie was going on my dad and I did not interact with each other so i guess I could call that alone.

I really liked the opening video/introduction thingie, it was cool the way they used the suits of cards as different things from blood to bullets. Probably one of the best movie openings I've seen in a while.

The movie itself now... Well at first the guy didn't really seem Bond-ish to me ,he didn;t seem as suave or sleek as the same guy played by Pierce Brosnan. However when viewed in contrast with other Bonds (Sean connery and others) it seems that Pierce Brosnan is the odd one out. Perhpas its just that I got so used to the pierce brosnan bond that he got stuck as the 007 prototype (even the thomas crown affair seemed Bondish)

The famous bond girls were I guess sexy and pretty however they just don't seem to be my type haha. I guess it's just a matter of preference as I seem to gravitate more towards the fair skinned chinese types of girls (the closest bond girl to this was perhaps Michelle Yeoh)

A disappointment for me was the lack of gadgets in the movie. Well Sony had a lot of in move advertisements through the laptops and cell phones but other than that Bond seemed to lack some of the devices that used to be spy/agent staples.

A big addition to my enjoyment of the movie were the poker scenes, I used to frequent the site Triplejack to have my poker fix and it was quite interesting to think what I would have done had I been the one playing in the game in the movie. Now that I think about it, what about the people that don't enjoy poker?

Daily Delight

Pakibasa na lang ang nakalipas na entry (daily delight) upang maintindihan kung bakit wala akong itatala...


Malayo pa ang bukas...
TAPOS NA ANG KAHAPON
mahalaga ay ngayon...

Daily Delight

Walang pasok dahil kay Bonifacio...

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Naniniwala ako na ang paaralan ay nandiyan upang doon gawin ang mga gawaing pang paaralan. Kaya ang pang paaralan ay dapat iwan sa paaralan. ang bahay ko ay nakalaan para sa mga gawaing pambahay at may oras akong nilaan para sa paaralan at bahay. Ang oras sa paaralan, at oras sa bay ay bagamat parehong oras, magkaiba sila ng pingkakalaanan.

Kung gumawa ako ng pambahay na gawain sa paaralan (tulad ng pagliwaliw, paglaro, pagdaldal habang nagkaklase) sige patawan mo ako ng kaukulang parusa, at hingin sa akin na ang oras ko pang bahay ay ibigay sa gawaing pangparaalan (tulad ng homework). Ngunit kung binigay ko naman ang hinihingi sa oras ng klase...

Sa totoo lang hindi ako nanaiwala sa Cj na ito dahil ang oras ay laging umaanda at ayaw ko na dumating ang panahon kung saaan magbabalik tanaw ako at maiisip ko na ang oras ko ay ginamit ko sa pasusulat ng mga bagay na nakalipas na imbis na gamiting ito sa pagtuklas at pagdanas ng iba't iba pang mga bagay.

PLUG!

:) please do help her...

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Hey you! I need your help. Please VOTE for my friend, Sha, for this year ARTIC Image Model Search. Just text: ARTIC Sha and send it to 2929. Please pass it on to your friends, too. It'll be a big help. Thanks in advance!

*If you buy one (1) ARTIC Vodka Bottle from participating bars/stores, you get a STUB worth 1000 votes. Just text it to Sha’s name – that’ll be a bigger help! Thanks again.

Daily Delight

Walang pasok dahil kay reming...

wala rin akong post dahil (makikita sa susunod na daily delight)

Daily Delight

Paikli na ng paikli ang mga entry ko, marahil ito ay dahil repetitive na at tedious ang long hand writing na ang isnpirasyon ay hindi bumagsak sa klase.

Sino ang tatapos?

Kahit papano pahina na ang Manny Pacquaio fever na nagsimula nung matalo niya si Morales last week. Di ko pa rin makalimutan na nung araw ng makabalik si Maany sa Pilipinas tipong bayaning bayani ang pagsaalubong sa kanya, nakarinig pa nga ako ng balita na may balak daw magtayo ng monumento ni Manny. Nagkataon namang naguusap kami ni James nung madaling araw na yun at medyo sabog na kaya ganito ang lumabas na usapan:

mico ruiz: narinig ko pala kanina sa tv, magkakamonumento raw si pacman
james wyson: woeh?
mico ruiz : haha oo daw eh
mico ruiz : sana yun na yung bagong point 0
mico ruiz: outdated na si rizal eh
james wyson: bwisit..
mico ruiz: tsaka si rizal naman nagsulat lang
james wyson: ang sama nito
mico ruiz: anong panama niya sa right hook at left hook ni manny

Siyempre ang lahat nito katuwaan lang, pero ayun nga kahit papano sumagi sa isip ko na paano kung palitan ni pacman si rizal bilang pambansang bayani...

Sabi ko pareho lang sila ng kalaban, mga morales, legaspi, fernandez, velasquez at rodriguez mga ganon, mga tunog latino-spanish names. Nasabi ko rin na pareho rin silang lumaban para sa Pilipinas. pareho silang di katangkaran at parehong may bigote.

Tapos dito na nagumpisa ang tirada para kay Manny...

pangangatawan pa lang, si manny tipong tigasin, si rizal kung tutuusin sakitin pa nga raw.

isipin mo 0 crime rate daw tayo nung laban ni pacquiao, tapos sa dami ng Pinoy na pumusta kay manny tapos nanalo siya... aba sa dalawang yan pa lang makikita na naitaas na ni manny ang living conditions sa Pilipinas, (dagdag mo pa yung regalo niya sa baranggay niya kapag pasko)

anong sabi nila multi talented si rizal? fencing/writing/chicboy/smart? Si Manny may boxing/billiards/singing/chicks/at smart telecoms endorsements (with mcdonalds pa)

Eto na lang, sa loob ng 10 segundo magisip at magbigay ka nga ng 2 linya mula sa mga akda ni Rizal? Mahirap ba? Eh ganito kaya, magisip ka at magbigay ng 2 linya mula sa mga kanta ni Manny? (kantahin mo na rin para masaya, counted din dito kung ang sasabihin mo ay ikstrem, ikstrem magec seng)

pero eto seryoso na...

sabi ko nga katuwaan lang to pero sa paguusap namin kahit papano ay sinubukan kong gumawa ng kaso na si Rizal naman ang tatalo kay manny. Nakakahiya mang aminin pero ang bagal ng utak ko pagdating doon, oo nag aral ako ng mga bayani mula ata grade 1-6 at 1st year hs (hi ms. fay) nag history 165 pa ako, (sabi ko nga yayariin ako ng prof ko (si sir gealogo) kapag nabasa niya to) pero wala pa ring kwenta.

siguro ang knockout blow dito ay yung tanong sa akin ni james na...

bakit kapag pinag-aaralan si rizal di ka ganyan kasigasig?

oo, ako ang kabataan na inaasahan ni rizal...

Daily Delight

Nakapag gym ulit ako kanina, hindi ko alam kung dulot lang ng pacquiao fever pero meron na silang nilaang lugar na para sa boxing ring. Ngayon mas lalo na akong naeenganyong mag boxing training. Siguro pagkalipas ng ilang buwan pa, kapag nak makita ko na na may tiyaga at oras ako para sa ganitong gawain, sasali ako. Oo nga pala may iba pang mga rason para magboxing lessons pero dahil hindi tayo close akin na lang yon.

Nag finance make up class kanina, wala lang hindi siya ganon kaboring dahil naintindihan ko yung lesson. Although the later part of the class super bored na ko (nahalata ko to dahil naglalaro na ako ng rolyo ng double sided tape)

Nakauwi naman ako ng matiwasay at kasulukuyang nagsusulat ng blog cj na to...

Daily Delight

Gertie (1996-2006)
Woof, woof woof.

---

Our dog died, It was weird seeing the dog dead, no more barks, whimpers, nothing just a body slumped over the pavement. 10 years is long for a dog I guess.

Her death placed some new perspectives in the way I view life...

1. That being a human in close proximity to me does not necessarily mean I'll have any compassion for you...


Cold as that sounds, it's true. There are people that I could think of right now who I wouldn't give a damn if they rolled over and died, However for our dog, it did touch me in a way where I was looking at her dead body remembering her. I guess this shows that it's not that I'm apathetic or cold or uncaring (because I did think about the dog) It's just that if I don't like a person then i don't.

2. I wanna die in a blaze of glory.

Di ko gustong higa, hingalo tapos patay lang. Siguro if I die, I would want it to happen while doing something I love doing.

Daily Delight 4

We were asked yesteday to make/sign a contract (contract can be found at the back) at naisip ko na ang inner artist ko ay si calvin bart. Isang artist na pinaghalong Bart Simpson at Calvin mula sa Calvin and Hobbes.

[Calvin Bart di ko pa nagagawa si calvin bart]

Sa totoo lang masasaktan ako kapag may nagbigay ng mababang grado sa akin sa CJ na to. iisipn kong tanga, mangmang at inutil ang magbibigay sa akin ng mababagan g gardo.

Siguroi sapat na yan para sa ngayon, lumalaki na at gumugulo na ang pagsulat ko, nangangahulugan lang na sawa at pagod na ako sa tiniginingining na Cj na to.

Daily Delight 3

Walang nangyayaring gusto kong isualt dito. kung may problema ka eto lang ang isasagot ko sa iyo.


[larawan ng middle finger ko]


Fuck off...

(mas maganda sana yan kaso dhail hindi ako drawing type makunteto ka na)

---

Sa totoo lang inis na inis na ako sa journal. Sinasayang mo ang oras ko. mnas gusto ko pang maging creative in other ways, in other places kaysa naman dito ako magbuhos ng oras.

Eto lalakihan ko kasi gusto kong mabasa nung nagrequire sa akin na gumawa ng CJ na to.

Mula sa Breathing ng Lifehouse
EVEN IF YOU DON'T WANT TO SPEAK TONIGHT, THAT'S ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT WITH ME.

EH!!! putcharagis naman, required magsulat ampotek. Three pages pa!!! Buti pa silang nasabihan nyan , ayos lang kung ayaw nila magsalita.

Daily Delight 2

As with all things, meron pa talagang interest sa umpisa, ang problema lang talaga is maintaining that interest.

Tulad dito, makikita sa unang paragraphs ang maliit na font, kahit papanong maayos na pagkakasunod sunod ng linya sa mga paragraphs. Pero habang patagal ng patagal, lumalaki ang font at spaces, nabababoy ang mga sinulat ko, minsan iniisip kong baguhin pero malay ko ba kung ang putanginang inner artist ko ay sadyang ganito.

Malay ba natin kung ang inner artist ko ay laging ganito o natural na ang inner artist ko ay iritable, sabog magsulat, walang pasensya, magulo ang handwriting at hindi marunong kung klean dapat talaga pumutol ng isang paragraph. Palamura rin ang inner artist ko.

Habang sinusulat ko itoo, lumipad ang promo card ng starbucks. nakuha ko toh sa (duh) Starbucks (tangina alanganamang sa Figaro o Seattle's best di ba?) at naisip ko 21 stickers x 100 (more or less) = 2100 para sa isang planner at insomnia. Putangina naman, gusto ko nung planner kaso isang sticker palang ako.

Kanina bago ako mag 3 hours of accounting part 2 (finance) kumain kami care of hans cyrus sa shakey'. Nandito ang mga larawan gamit ang aking sony 5.1 mp na camera

*htttp://micogold.multiply.com

(Sa dami ng larawa diyan kung ipapaste ko ang ilan tapos na sana ang 3 pages dito) kaya lalaktaw ako ng malaki para hindi naman mainis ang inner artist ko)

Ayan spaat na yan, 3 pages naman na to. Isipin niyo tangina kumpara sa bond paper mas malaki ang sketchpad na 9 x 12.

Daily Delight 1

Sa totoo lang, hindi ko gusto ang pagsulat ko dito sa creative journal na ito. Naniniwala akong paradox ang sabihing be honest to your creative self while impsoing (no matter how nicely imposed) us to write a 3 page long hand stuff in this journal. i also believe that writing here is killing the very essence of whatever creative juice I have in my body. You see, I believe that creativity is not something that is turned on and off, that its like a river, flowing continously, that thought should flow freely. However to tell us to write when it is not in our hearts to write (at least not for this moment) is similar to putting a dam into the river. Yes it could turn out helpful and perhaps it is for the best, however I think that it still impedes, destroys the river, that the flow's disruption makes the rive lose its enchanting luster. I am very much tempted to not write anything else in this fucked up idea of a creative journal, however I fear for my grade, and I fear that I would not be able to fulfill the requirements of the course.

I also think that this CJ is killing my blog. If I would spend time writing, I would rather do it on my blog than here. I communicate better in that blog instead of here (yes, it's the 1st entry but I know myself( . I do think that after writing the first 3 pages of this CJ, I would stop being very involved in it, and just write things that I want to write in my blog. Because in all reality, my blog is my creative journal. It is where I put myself in , it is where my creativity is, it is where I am in touch with th every essence of my soul, my mind and my heart.

---

Hate...

is such a beautiful world,

AND I HATE THIS CREATIVE JOURNAL

(Signed)
http://Golden-X.Blogspot.com

---

I still hate you, but in a way you have helped me figure out a way to integrate the blog features of my multiply, friendster, myspace and others with my main blog. What I'm gonna do is still continue writing in my blog and then just write snippets, previews or other similar forms of teasers then just include the link and the title of the post of my other blogs.

So it would appear like this:

Title: Blah Blah
A post on blah Blah and blah to read more click (link to my blog)

So there, perhaps the CJ is not that stupid after all.

CJ2

Para maiwasan ang pagkamatay ng blog, ang gagawin ko ay isulat na lang kung anumang nilagay ko sa blog dito sa cj, lahat ng posts na ang titulo ay daily delight ay tumutukoy sa entry ko sa CJ. Naisip ko na makakatulong ito sa typing skills ko at kahit papano ay makakabawas sa pagkainis ko sa putanginang Creative journal na yan.

BABALA!!!

Babala! merong tinuturing na blog killer, tinatawag siyang creative journal...

Unti unti niyang pinapagod ang nagmamayari ng blog sa pamamagitan ng pagpilit sa tao sa pagsulat dito. Humihingi ito ng tatlong pahina na tala sa kung ano ang nagawa mo sa araw. Dahil dito maaring marindi ang blogger at tamarin nang sumulat sa online blog dahil hindi naman nabibigyan ng grado ang kanyang online blog samantalang ang CJ ay malaking bahagi sa pangkalahatang grado ng magaaral...

Metlog...

This post should have been done Thursday, however I fell asleep at around 9:00 pm and didn't wake up until 3 in the morning so I didn't have the time to make it...

We were discussing Hans Gadamer's Man and Language in Philo 102 class and suddenly Sir Strebel mentioned a term while talking about the evolution of language. He said he was channel surfing when he came upon the term METLOG. It was able to pique my interest so using the powers of the internet I searched for the two words that make up METLOG (metrosexual and jologs) and got these:

Metrosexual:
Metrosexuality is the trait of an urban male who has a strong aesthetic sense and spends a great amount of time and money on his appearance and lifestyle.

Jologs:
1. any person deemed to be acting, exhibiting behaviors, in a manner similar to the commonly observed behavior of slums teenagers
2. gaudy, un-elegant, without refinement in taste

Strong aesthetic sense doesn't really describe me though I do spend a great amount of time (not necessarily great amount of money though) on trying to improve my appearance and lifestyle. On the other hand the 1st definition for jologs is a bit too discriminatory for my tastes so I guess I'll go with the second one.

So there just enriching my philosophical knowledge :P

As a side note, I really had a hard time pinpointing what jologs really means, many definitions for such a commonly used word that it's really hard to tell what a person really means when he/she mentions the term. However I found one that seems to be one of the more believable terms:

"isn't jologs an amalgamation of "dyaryo-yosi-tulog"? used to describe tambays of the 60s and 70s"

I guess if we take it from that, a description of tambays or their culture, then we could see how it could snowball into the connotations that come with the term now.

balik tanaw...

Ilang oras na lang, simula na ng panibagong sem. 2nd sem na, pero bago ko lagyan ng bagong leksyon ang utak ko, naisip ko na tignan kung ano nga ba talaga ang natutunan ko sa mga klase ko noong sem na nagdaan.

Nakahiga ako sa kama ng biglang tumalon sa utak ko yung isang tanong ni Bob Ong sa isa sa mga libro niya (kung di ako nagkakamali dun sa ABNKKBSNPLKo) sabi dito: Ano ang natutunan mo?

Philosophy 101 (Card Grade: C+)
Sa totoo lang hindi ko nagamay ni katiting ng mga itinurong teorya o pamamaraan ng mga kilalang pilosopo (tinginingining na marcel at parmenides yan). Siguro ang natutunan ko ay ang kahalagahan ng teamwork (hindi naman pandaraya sa test na uri ng teamwork yung discussions lang naman tungkol sa thesis statements).

History 166 (Card Grade: C+)
Eto yung parang sci 10 ko nung 2nd year ako. Hindi naman sa ipinagmamalaki ko pero lagi nanaman akong tulog sa klase dito. Pero dahil sa lagi akong tulog sa discussions, natutunan ko ang kahalagahan ng pagkuha sa mga readings, hindi na sapat yung manghihiram ka ng reading ng kakalese tapos cram 10 minutes before the test dahil lahat ng kakilala mo ay nagaaral din. Nakuha ko rin ang kahalagahan ng pagiging gising sa tamang oras (i.e. kapag may importanteng slide na pinapakita o kapag katabi na yung prof)

Marketing 101 (Card Grade: B)
Kung tatanungin ako ng tungkol sa kahit ano mang tinuro sa marketing ngayon wala ata akong maisasagot maliban sa kung ano ang 4p's. Pero kung tutuusin kahit papano pwede naman talagang daanin na sa common sense at pagiintindi sa sitwasyon na iprinisinta yung mga sagot. sabi nga ni Sir, when it comes to the real world, no one would really ask you what the 4p's are or the different terms and stuff, it's the application of those that come into play. Siguro ang natutunan ko dito ay kung saan makakahanap ng murang long sleeves para sa pang defense namin... (sa may gilid ng 2nd floor ng ali mall). Natuto rin akong tumambay sa starbucks dahil sa marketing. Unang rason dahil maingay sa bahay kapag gumagawa na ng case papers at pangalawa para makisaksak ng laptop at celphone sa starbucks nung minalas at nawalan ng kuryente ang buong metro manila.

Theology 131 (Card Grade: B+)
Masaya tong klase na to. Si Fr. Rexay maraming nasabing maituturing na noteworthy pero basta ang pinakanatutunan ko dito, hindi lahat ng mukhang kasalanan ay kasalanan. meron ka pang "it depends" na pwedeng gamitin kapag nagiisip ka na kung pupunta ka ba sa langit o impiyerno at nagbibilang ka na ng mga nagawa mo sa mundo.

CS 30 (Card Grade: B+)
I learned that Confidence can really go a long way... Knowing that you are "in your element" enables you to go and speak your heart out and not fear mucking up. That feeling of finally knowing what you are saying (as compared to previous subjects) gives you the power to go full blast as you fire words after words of explanation. I still remember that nearly effortless tirade I had in discussing the prototype website for our group's panel defense which leads us to the next thing I learned... that letters are not numbers :P

Ok ayan, show time na ulit. 2nd sem na...

Everywhere...

I consider the past Sunday as the last day of vacation. This because the week ahead requires me to go to school for getting my advisement slip, grades and reg form. Then enrollment and payment. These things would actually just take probably a couple of days from the week, but it sure breaks the days when I could just bum at home, watch tv, listen to music or surf the net all day.

Despite the need to wake up early for me to beat the rush in getting the advisement slips and grades and stuff, again I can't sleep. For some reason I think I've really been affected by yesterday's "events." As i said in last night's post, it seems pretty ironic that when things seem like they are supposed to stop, the more they come back to you, the more they attach themselves to you.

Cause everytime I look
You're never there
And everytime I sleep
You're always there

Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I close my eyes
It's you I see
You're everything I know
That makes me believe
I'm not alone

You're in everyone I see
So tell me
Do you see me?

For some reason I'm trying to fit the events yesterday into that song. It seems possible but there are some parts where it doesn't really jive with the idea.

This is really getting frustrating I don't know why I'm very very affected by the events. Could it be that I have something else going on within me...?

Liwanag kang dagling sumilaw sa 'king mga mata...

Hindi ako makatulog ngayon, kung titignan ng marami ituturing na nilang normal yung ganito sa akin, lagi naman daw akong nagpupuyat, ganito naman daw talaga ang buhay ko. Pero ngayong gabi (o umaga, depende na lang sa kung anong perspective ang nais mong gamitin) na ito alam ko sa sarili ko na hindi ito pangkaraniwang katamaran sa pagtulog.

May mga bagay kanina na maituturing kong panggising sa isang pananaginip, ika nga ni Pat Velasquez, "ano lang yan para ka lang sinampal ng karanasan/katotohanan." Nakakaaliw na ilang araw lang ang nakalipas noong nadama ko na tila abot kamay na ang minsang inakalang hindi makakamtan, tapos kanina inabutan na ako nang realidad. Ang realidad na sa bawat pangarap, panaginip at pagasa, may kalakip na pagkabigo.

Ngayon lang ata ako nawalan ng sasabihin upang maibahagi kung ano ang nararamdaman ko. Marami akong gustong sabihin tungkol sa nangyari, nghunit hindi mahanap ang mga salitang makapagpapalabas nito. Isang bagay na gusto mong ipagsigawan pero wala ka namang boses. At gusto ko talagang magsalita dahil isa ito sa mga paraan ko sa pagpurga ng emosyon pero yun nga ngayon blanko ako.

Nakakatawa lang kasi na imbis na pakawalan na sa isipan ang kung anumang pangarap ang dating namuo sa utak ko mas lalo pa itong pumipintig at binigyan ng kahulugan. Sabi nga nung kanta

"Putulin man ang tali ay
Sadyang walang kawala
Sa pagkaakit at di paglapit
Nananalangin at umaasa"

Kung kelan nga naman pinaharap sa katotohonan dun ko pa mas magagamay kung gaano pala kalalim yung mga pangarap ko. Ganon lang siguro ang takbo ng buhay ngayon. Tapos na kasi birthday ko kaya back to normal na haha. Unintentional birthday gift lang yung naganap haha.

Hindi naman siguro naiintindihan ng kung sino mang bumabasa ng blog na ito ang tinutukoy ko pero yun nga sinusubukan ko pa ring dumada dahil sabi ko nga sa taas paraan ng pagpurga o pagpapakawala ito para sa akin, pero sa totoo lang ang isang linyang to ay halos sapat na para kahit papano ihayag ang diwa ng mga binabanggit ko ngayon.

"Nararapat bang pigilan ang Damdamin na lalong mahulog sa iyo?"

19

Another November 2 has passed, I am now 19 years old...

I didn't really go to great lengths to celebrate my birthday, actually the only thing that makes it different from any other day was the birthday greetings and the dinner with the family.

I guess I started day by watching simpsons, then chatting with Jeerah and James, texting early greeters, then playing word racer with Jeerah til around 4:30 in the morning. And because I stayed up quite late, I woke up at 11:00 and wasn't really able to do much haha. I just watched some tv, went to the gym, went back home played some games on the computer, then went out again to buy a webcam. After that a family dinner, played poker online, chatted a bit, and that's basically it.

Really not that special or anything I guess. Oh yeah, I'm 0 for everything on the wish list I made so that's a bummer. The Lakers won though so it's still good.


365 more days til I stop being a teenager...

wishlist...

Was watching an NBA game a while ago. The Lakers (my favorite team) against the Suns. Saw Andrew Bynum, the 19 year old starting center for the Lakers play like an NBA Live version of himself. I remember in the dynasty mode of NBA Live 06 I'd put him as starting center (along with Kwame, Lamar, Kobe and whoever else is available) and watch him decimate opposing centers because of his height and build. NBA Live 07's no different as I use him (having traded away Mihm) as a primary center (Odom being the PG and Kwame being PF, Radmanovic at SF and Kobe at SG) and again dominate just by his sheer size and bulk.

And boom after the first quarter saw Phoenix erupt for 41 points, I got tired of watching and just decided to go online. However the fan in me decided to check back on the TV and low and behold it seems like Andrew Bynum was being controlled by me in a laker dynasty in NBA Live.

However despite the story, the only key word here is 19

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00, 19 sa ilang oras na lang magiging 19 years old na ako. At dahil magbibirthday na rin naman ako, naisip ko maglagay ng wishlist ng regalo haha umaasa na may mga magbabasa nito at maisip na regaluhan ako ng kung ano man ang nakasulat dito. Asa pa! Pero libre lang naman ang umasa di ba? hahaha

Ang ilalagay ko lang naman ay mga materyal na bagay, kahit papano masasabi ko na maswerte na ako sa mga bagay na tinuturing ng mga taong priceless...

(in order of priority hehe)
1. Bagong Computer
- oo alam kong kahit papano kaya pa ng computer ko ang mga applications na lumalabas ngayon (hindi lang ang mga laro) pero napagisipisip ko kasi na halos dead end na ang computer na ito. Ang AGP slot ay pumapatay sa pagasa ng part upgrade dahil ang karaniwang lumalabas na bagong video card ngayon ay PCI-E cards na. At kapag pinalitan naman ang motherboard damay na rin dito ang processor, video cards, at memory modules so in short bagong computer na.
- I would really want one of those new fangled dual core things or the Amd equivalent Athlon 64 ata yun, then a top of the line videocard (if possible yung dual video card na rin, i think they call it sli crossfire or something), 2 gigs of ram, and 300gigs of hard drive space. I'd also love to have an lcd monitor (mas mura daw sa kuryente to) and a pretty good cooling system.
2. Lots of Money (doesn't everybody?)
- pandagdag sa pambili ng computer (i guess that kind of setup would cost around P60,000)
3. XBOX 360 or PS3
- kaso mahal daw cd's nito so mapapagastos pa ako lalo at siguradong wasak ang pagaaral ko kapag nagkaroon ako nito so wag na haha
4. digital SLR camera
- inggit pa rin ako dun sa camera ni RJ

(wow puro mahal ata to haha yayariin ako nung magulang ko kapag nakita nila to hahaha)

5. External Hard drive with case na rin
- Para mas madali magbackup ng files
- maganda na yung mga 100 gig nito ahaha

(teka mahal pa rin ata to)

6. Shades
- ewan mahilig talaga ako sa shades...
- di ko lang type yung mga parang bubuyog type aviator shades

(hmm hindi naman ata practical)

7. Shirts
- gusto ko yung eurofit haha sabi ni kuya trainer (nakalimutan ko pangalan hehe) tumitino na raw yung balikat/dibdib ko so sige ipagmalaki natin haha pero dahil malaki pa rin yung tiyan ko di pa pwede yung hard core body fit type.
- black or red as usual
8. Jogging Pants/Track suit
- hmm wala trip lang ahaha
- black or red as usual
9. Pants
- tumangkad ako ng kaunti (buti naman 19 na ako eh 2 years na lang at wala na raw akong itatangkad pa) at may mga pantalon na akong bitin
- at least hindi masikip, bitin lang talaga
- maong, slacks whatever else

Yun haha wishlist lang naman, siyempre appreciated pa rin naman kahit anong regalo, kung meron man o wala :)

Haha

sa saliw ng yong pag tingin ang oras ay bumibilis...

Nakaramdam na ako ng antok bago ko pa man simulan ang blog na ito, subalit hindi ko pa talaga gustong matulog, gusto ko pa kasing makinig ng mga kanta at naisip ko na ayos din namang magblog habang pinapakinggan ko ang mga awiting nasa playlist ko ngayon.

Sa hindi ko malamang dahilan karamihan ng kantang kinahihiligan ko ngayon ay galing sa Sponge Cola, Nasa playlist ko ang Tuliro, Pasubali, Dragonfly (yung version na galing sa cd na pinamigay ata sa isang gig nila noong ang hit pa lang nila ay yung Crazy for you), Una, Lunes at Gemini (piano remastered version galing sa repackaged album). Kasama sa playlist ang Love You Only na kanta ng TOKIO at ang Your Love ng Alamid.

Dahil wala naman talaga akong ideya sa kung ano ang magandang itala ngayon sa blog ko, Ikwekwento ko na lang ang aking araw.

Uumpisahan ko sa pagpatak ng 12:00 ng madaling araw dahil medyo naalala ko pa ang nangyari. Naglalaro ako ng NBA Live 2007 sa PC habang nakikipagtext sa isang kaibigan, nang dumating ang text niya nakita ko na 11:58pm na pala (Linggo), Naalala ko na ang October 30, ay kaarawan ng kaibigan ko kaya ayun nagtext ako sa kanya ng Happy Birthday (muli Happy Birthday Jeerah!) tapos noon tinuloy tuloy ko lang ang aking paglalaro hanggang sa may isa naman akong kaibigan na tila hindi makatulog kaya text text muna (Iyah matulog ka na :P).

Umabot din siguro kami ng mga alas 3 ng madaling araw ng napagpasyahan ko na tama na kailangan ko na ng pahinga dahil gusto ko pang mag-gym mamaya, kaya ayun nagpaalam na ako at natulog. Makalaipas ang mga 4 o 5 oras na tulog, naligo na ako at nagpunta na sa MLSC fitness center o mas kilala bilang Moro gym hehe.

Kaso sadyang malas ata ang umaga kanina at medyo pinagtripan ako ng panahaon. Biglang bumuhos ang ulan habang naglalakad ako papunta doon sa gym, kaya ayun naging two tone yung pantalon ko napilitan na rin akong magtricycle dahil medyo malakas na rin talaga yung ulan. Nakaabot naman ako ng gym ng hindi mukhang bagong laba ang suot kong damit pero ayun lang basa pa rin.

Marahil siguro dahil sa puyat at lamig, medyo tinatamad ang katawan ko magworkout, pagkatapos lang ng onting buhat at takbo wala na suko na hehe parang masarap magpahinga pero yun nga hindi pa tapos ang araw, may basketball pa pagkatapos ng workout na to.

Mga 12:00 ng hapon kami pumunta ng covered courts para maglaro ng basketball. Ayos lang nakakapagod matagal tagal na rin ata akong hindi naglalaro ng 5 on 5 , idagdag pa diyan yung lamig nung hangin at yung pagod dahil sa pagwoworkout kanina at yun sabog na talaga yung paglalaro ko hehe. Pero kahit papano naman may mga maganda akong nagawa sa court, at sa istilo ko ng paglalaro basta may maganda akong nagawa wala na akong pakialam sa score hehehe.

Mga 3 oras siguro kaming naglalaro ng Basketball at ng mapagod na ay napagisipin naming kumain. Kaya punta na kami sa CR para maghugas at magbihis. Eh dahil hindi namin tinignan kung bukas yung shower area, nagpakanda hirap kaming maligo sa sink (oo tama maligo, kumpleto shampoo at sabon, nagawa na rin kasi namin ito dati). Nung medyo nabwisit na ako sabi ko baka naman bukas tong shower area, kaya tinignan ko at ayun nga, anak ng torotot bukas palaa yung bwiset na shower room.

Ang plano sana sa KFC katipunan kami kakain, kaso dahil walang parking ayun pumunta kami ng Eastwood. Eastwood lunes na lunes at alas 3 pa ng hapon, nakakapanibago at mukhang ghost town ang eastwood hehe. Ayun ang ending imbis na KFC naging Fazzolis ang kinainan. Masarap yung libreng tinapay, hindi ko lang alam kung masarap siya dahil masarap siya or dahil libre.

Tapos napagisipan na manood ng sine, yung pinagbibidahan ni Batman at ni Wolverine, yung The Prestige. pero dahil 4:30 pa lang noon at 5:20 pa yung next screening nagpunta muna kami sa Powerstation. Ganda rin ng timing dahil malapit na ang birthday ko, at dahil malapit na ang birthday ko meron akong free P200 load sa Powerstation so ayos. Nagamit ko yung 30 pesos doon sa 200 na libre sa Dream Catcher at well successful naman haha nakabingwit ako ng:
Tapos ayun na showtime na, ng paakyat kami sa escalator nakakita ako ng celebrity, nasa likod ko si Joey De Leon, papapicture sana ako kaso naisip ko na siguro gusto niyo ng private time kaya di ko na inistorbo, baka batukan pa ko o lumabas ako bigla sa wow mali mahirap na madiscover pa ako hahahaha

Pagkatpos ng kalahating oras ng trailers, sa wakas palabas na, sa totoo lang medyo inaantok ako nung una, malamang dahil sobrang antok na ako dahil sa kakulangan ng tulog, pagod sa workout at basketball at dami ng kinain (iba na ang libre). Pero unti-unti akong nahatak nung pelikula, maganda siya pero mas gusto ko si Wolverine kaysa sa magician. Aaminin ko na may katangahan ako ng isipin ko na medyo action packed yung pelikula (yung tipong magic na tinuturing eh yung mga tipong fireball at kung anuman) pano ba naman si Bale nakita ko sa Batman Begins, si Jackman sa X-Men tapos si Scarlet naman sa FHM at sa The Island so siyempre kala ko talaga medyo may mga amazing fight scenes pero yun nga wala. Pero maliban sa disappointment ko na yon masasabi kong naenjoy ko yung pelikula.

Pagkatapos nun uwian na, sabay ako kay alden hanggang katipunan tapos LRT na pauwi. Pagdating sa bahay, ayun ligo, online, laro, chat, at laro ulit tapos eto na, nakikinig na sa patapos na playlist at naghahanda ng matulog...

(sana may makagets kung bakit yan yung title ko)

Ocean Park 2

Minsan nakakatawa ang buhay, may mga panahong wala ka nang pakialam, hindi mo na iniisip kung paano mo gagawin ang isang bagay, at biglang Boom! walang pasabing showtime na, hindi mo na kailangang maghanda dahil ibibigay na sa iyo ang hinahanap mo.

Nakakaaliw dahil matapos ang unang episode ng Ocean Park di na gaanong dumampi sa isip ko ang mga dating plinano. Wala nang problema kung dadaanin ba sa biro, idaramay ang isang kaibigang ngayon ay nandoon na o anuman. Naisip ko na wala eh, tapos na lumipas na ang pagkakataon.

(siguro kahit papano mas malinaw to kaysa sa unang ocean park story, pero malabo pa rin )

Naisip ko tuloy parang ganito lang yan eh. Sabi nga sa nakaraang post, sarado na ang ocean park, wala ng mga dolphin. Pero bumalik ka sa lugar na yun, wala lang siguro kasi kahit walang dolphin, gusto mo yung lugar. Tapos makikita mo OI! may dolphin show na ulit pala. At hindi lamang basta bastang dolphin show, makikita mong nakapaskel ang mga impormasyon tungkol sa dolphin. At magagamit mo ang impormasyon na yun upang makakalap pa ng mas maraming bagay tungkol sa kinahihiligan mong dolphins!

(Sana may part 3)

Pilosopiya...

I do remember during one of the Philosophy 101 classes earlier in the semester a discussion on what philosophy is. Many answers popped out of that discussion such as a method of thinking, a kind of organization of ideas, a perspective and a way of life. I think the discussion led to the class talking about the renowned philosophers as models for our own Philosophy. And while I was able to go through the Philo 101 class (hopefully i passed it) I still can't really put the thoughts in the writings of Fr. Ferriols, Parmenides, Heidegger, Marcel, Descartes, Plato, Luijpen or Tassi as a model for my own Philosophizing.

However, I do have one world renowned character who I believe could be a model for my philosophy.

Here's a sample of his thoughts (click images to enlarge):

Life in a nutshell I guess. In the words of a six year old kid and an imaginary tiger. Perhaps those philosophers mentioned above gave much sharper insights on life and living, with their deeper thoughts but I'd still pick Calvin over them anytime. I think Calvin is a pretty good example on how highfalutin words (like highfalutin) are not necessary in giving out good insights. Perhaps one of the reasons I had a difficult grasp of philosophy was the language that they used and Calvin and Hobbes really do give a good respite from all of that.

Life and Living?
Existence?
Sophon and Abstraction Free Living?

If only I could get Mr. Strebel to teach us Philosophy classes in terms of Calvin and Hobbes...

Ocean Park...

Minsan nakakatawa ang buhay, may mga panahong handang handa ka na, napagisipan mo buong maghapon kung paano mo gagawin ang isang bagay at pagdating ng panahon kung saan show time na, at magagamit mo na ang hinanda mo, wala na, tapos na pala ang palabas. Nahuli ka na. Sorry na lang, next time na lang ulit...

Nakakaaliw dahil halos isang buong gabi kong plinano kung paano ko gagawin ang naisip ko. Dadaanin ba sa biro, sa pagdamay ng isang kaibigang wala naman doon. Noong matapos naisip ko bahala na, shotgun na lang, pero basta gagawa ako. Tapos ayun, pagdating ng kinabukasan, sabit pa bwiset hehe.

(oo alam kong sobrang labo niyan, pero ayaw ko lang kasing ibigay yung tunay na pangyayari dahil baka mapahiya lang ako haha)

Naisip ko tuloy parang ganito lang yan eh. Gusto mong makakita ng mga dolphin. Pumunta ka ng hong kong, kinausap mo na yung mga chinese na hindi mo maintindihan ang english para magtanong kung paano pumunta sa ocean park. Noong nasa lugar ka na, wala na sarado na pala ang ocean park, wala nang dolphin, maghanap ka na lang daw ng daga sa disneyland.

(alam ko siguro mga 3 o 4 na tao lang ang makakaintindi niyan pero sige lang)

Surprise...

Nakakagulat lang na minsan kapag akala mong sabog na ang lahat bibigyan ka ng buhay ng isang bagay na magpapangiti sa yo.
Hehe yeah! 3.5 sa Philosophy 101 Final Oral Exams , kahit papano nakabawi ako. Siyempre gusto ko ng A, pero 3.5 is good as well. (si Chino naka A haha astig).

Siguro nararapat lang na pasalamatan si Keb Soriano, dahil malaking tulong yung nagawa niya sa akin dito sa thesis statement na to hehe. Salamat din kay James at Jeerah na naalala kong kumakausap sa akin habang inaantay ko si Keb matapos dun sa ginagawa niyang thesis statements hahaha.a

Sembreak...

Haven't really blogged much regarding the 1st sem, quite ironic since it is really one of the more event-filled semesters in my college life. So here's a photoblog of some sorts to recap some of the more noteworhty events in the 1st sem.

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Third year, it's really quite amazing to realize that I've already been in college for three years. I guess Time really flies so fast. Sabi nga ni Hans dun sa signature niya sa emails... "Juniors na pala tayo..."

For some reason, the school decided to change the orientation of the id, pretty ok though, although i gotta admit it was a bit weird during the first few days.
There was also the SPEED amazing race thing, well it was fun but honestly I can't really remember much about it, save for that it happened a few days before Pat's birthday and he treated some of the members to yellow cab.

The reason I mentioned this event was that I saw these pictures on the computer. It reminded me just how much a wannabe photographer I am. These pics were taken using RJ's digital SLR and well I really would want to have one of my own. I'm not really looking for a top of the line model I guess, something that would help me in my hobby of taking pictures.

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One of the things that made the 1st sem quite busy was the marketing class that I had. In hindisight I guess it wasn't really that hard but the thing with that class it that it required a lot of work. And for someone like me who tends to procrastinate and then cram, that class was probably not the best one for me.

So here's a picture I took while doing a case paper for marketing. I was in Starbucks and I was getting frustrated with staring at my laptop without anything to write so I just took some pictures. The digital camera was very unreliable and was really no better than a cellphone camera but luckily a pretty neat image came out in this one shot. As I said I guess I'm a photographer wannabe.

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I had my history 166 class during this sem. And 20 percent of the class grade there was the field trip activity. It was on a Sunday, and it was fun but parts of it were really quite frustrating. Some of the places were flat out boring and we even encountered some engine trouble on the way home.

However, there was a part in the trip which I really enjoyed and this was the one where we went to bluroze farms. The place was really cool, it seemed very close to nature, very relaxing I guess. It was also quite scenic and me being the photographer wannabe that I am tried to take some scenic shots hehe.

Of course I wouldn't want to be left out so I asked my friend to take a shot of me as well haha.

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One of the more tense moments of the semester came with the marketing final defense. An hour to really try to defend what we had been working on for the entire sem. The grade that we got was a bit below par (unfortunately not in golf terms) but I really believe it was a pretty fun experience that we had.



After the defense, we were all elated I guess, that we went to Teriyaki Boy to celebrate freedom. It was pretty cool that nearly the whole block was there, even Khristian who was supposed to be in Macau was able to drop by :)

Well, before we left Vanjo was taking pictures using Kathy's digicam and I had this shot which i really like for some reason ahaha here goes :)

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After the marketing defense, was well another defense, this time for CS. I believe that I performed way better in here than I did in the marketing defense probably because I was in my element. So here's a shoutout to my groupmates and to James who helped us even if he was busy as well.

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I guess there were a lot more events that were not mentioned. The ACTM sports fest,SOM week, the IAC games, the moments with the groupmates, countless encounters and conversations and many more. They all brought something great to my experiece. So I guess thanks for that, Here's hoping for an even better 2nd Sem!

(in)vulnerable?

It's finals week for Ateneo right now... despite the seemingly hectic pace of my school life for this semester due to the requirements of the different subjects (more on these on another post), for some reason I was still able to find time to type my thoughts.

It's this "some reason" that I want to focus on in this edition of my ramblings in life I call my blog. You see, I think I kind of understand why despite the stress of finals week, the hassles of school works and other miscellaneuos stuff, I'm still able to calm myself and play and do things that I actually enjoy.

I think it's because I've never really felt vulnerable to failure. This is not a show of how confident I am in my smarts and abilities but rather a (shall I call it) "defect" in my way of thinking. I think I am always able to find that trust, that confidence in myself when facing difficulty, may it be exams, defenses, reports, orals and the like. That belief that I can do it, that I would not fail, that I'll be able to make it through. I think this is the "kaya yan" mentality that I have.

This way of living would actually be useful if I had the mind to back it up, but you see I was not blessed with a genius mind, I think that what I was blessed with is a mind that's good enough. And yes, even I would say that going through life with this kind of mindset is a shitty way of living as I'm gonna be stuck in mediocrity. However, it also can't be denied, that as I coast in the things that I do (the essays, reports and panel defenses) I make it through, and sometimes what I would do would actually be deemed great, so I guess it's ok for now...

I would like to change though, in a way I would want to have a mindset that accepts its vulnerability, a way of thinking that would make me want to strive for more even if I know that what I would normally do would be good enough...

I guess I want to be vulnerable in a way, and the only way I see that it would happen is if I fail. Of course I wouldnt want to fail, so I guess Im stuck in this cycle until something hits me and makes me yearn to strive for more...

Oh well, I've got my history finals in around12 hours and again I'm still in that "kaya yan", "alam ko na yan" mode. I read the readings already and part of me believes that It's good enough although perhaps if I felt more vulnerable to failure, I would study more...

I'll see I guess. It could be a failure waiting to happen and this may actually be the one that wakes me up... but my mind only half believes me, up to now it still shouts "Kaya Yan!"

perhaps...

I was procrastinating some minutes ago, I was too lazy to do the last of my tasks for the 1st sem of this school year (writing additional code/text for the cs website to be presented on our defense and the case papers for marketing). As part of this procrastination routine I checked my friendster account and saw one of those bulletin posts.

That bulletin post was a common survey, one that was usually done by people who have some extra time in their hands. A few questions here and there, inquiries on your opinions on things around you.

Yes, as I said it was just a common survey, nothing to be taken too seriously, just some ramblings by a more likely than not bored person who's just passing some time. But for some reason, it opened something in me, it was able to make me ponder on things that were, that are, and those that would be.

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Halos kalahating taon na rin ang lumipas ng binanggit ko ang linyang bumabalik sa akin ngayon. Isang linya na maituturing kong nagpabago sa aking buhay. Naalala ko na binanggit ko ang mga salitang yoon dahil sa halo halong damdamin ng poot, sakit, pagiintindi at pagmamahal...

Maaring ako lamang ang makakaintindi kung bakit ko sinabi ang linyang yon, pero ngayon na halos anim na buwan na ang lumipas mas lalo kong nakikita ang rason ng pagbitaw ko sa mga salitang "Hindi na kita kayang alagaan." Ngayon mas nakikita ko na kahit papano nahalata ko na nga ang ang bagay na nagudyok sa akin upang sabihin yun.

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Perhaps I could attribute it to foresight or perhaps just an understanding of things as they happen. I guess during that time 6 months ago (and perhaps even before that) I already felt that there was something lacking in me, something that I would not be able to do or to give. Perhaps I felt that I was really becoming a hindrance to something, I am not saying that this is the main reason why i did the thing i did, but I would not be lying when I say that I took this into account.

I guess it is undeniable that I still do care for her, perhaps I wouldn't have read that bulletin post if I don't have any feelings for her anymore. But it's also, quite pleasing to see to feel that I was right in what I felt all along...

These Days...

Before I actually typed this blog, I read through many of my previous posts dating back to the start of this blog. I noticed that there was a time when I religiously posted nearly every day, but now posts come few and far between... I don't think it's really the hectic schedules or the lack of even that contributes to this but perhaps a reason that I already tackled before.

I think that it is partly a lack of inspiration to actually write these things. A lack of inspiration that stems from the realiztaion that as of now, no one would really care about what I write in this blog. As I wrote before, I guess deep in the heart of every blogger, is the yearning for someone to actually read the blog...

Currently Listening to:
Bamboo - These Days

Taralets

I remember an event when I was still in first year college where a stranger treated me to 16 pesos worth or printing. I never found out who that girl was so I was never really able to show my gratitude (save for that awkward thank you) or repay her kindness...

At least not until now...

No, I wasn't able to meet her but I guess with what happened I could say that in some way I was able to repay the kindness done to me by a stranger.

Last Monday (september 4 i think) was one of those awkward weather days wherein it starts out with the sun blazing hot only for heavy rain clouds to form in the afternoon. I had one class for that day which was History 166, scheduled at 3:30-4:30. I got to class at around 3:20 I guess, I didn't go to the gym earlier so I came from my house experiencing the hot glaring sun on my way to that class only to notice that after around 10 minutes or so of class, rain was starting to pour quite heavily.

I was hoping that the rain would stop during the class so I could go home on with dry clothes but perhaps that was not the plan for today. So after class, bringin out my umbrella I just headed for home, passing through my usual SOM walkway route listening to my mp3 player/digital camera ( i dare not say the brand which might make some people snicker). I was nearing the parking lot area when I felt a tap on my shoulder, a girl asked me if I could share the umbrella with her. And I said yes, we exchanged names, some words a handshake before she reached her destination and I proceeded to go to mine.

Perhaps my story is not that unusual, perhaps it may even sound self-serving or akin to someone tooting his own horn, but you see I am writing this not really because I care about the act that I did but to try and fulfill a promise that I made to myself ever since that Glacial love event ( i originally typed incident but it does seem a bit negative).

After that event (GL) I told myself that no matter if i helped him/her or he/she helped me, no matter how small our small talk is, as long as I was able to interact with someone, then I would consider that person not just a stranger but actually an acquaintance. Someone who is not really a friend but could be one.

In reality I am writing this story to reach out to that girl, perhaps a friend of hers would read this story and pass iton to her and perhaps we could contact each other. I do remember I tried this same method for that Glacial Love girl to no success but perhaps I am a bit wiser now. At least now I have a name, a school, a year and course to work with (of course this is assuming that she was telling the truth) and not just a description of a cute smile and a class that she attended.

So to that UP Freshman girl named Ice? (Aiz?, Eys?, Yse? I really don't know but it sure sounded like that) taking up BA HIstory (this I remember quite clearly) if you could read this drop me a line. It would be nice to know how that rainy day turned out :)

Sigaw...

Matagal ko na nakita ang pahayag na ito. Isang headline sa diyaryong (kung di ako nagkakamali, Libre) binabasa nung isang lalaki doon sa megatren. Nadaplisan lang ng mga mata ko noong tumayo ako sa may tabi nung mama.

"Who do you write for?"

Yan ang sabi ng pahayag. Ang pahayag na iyun ay nakabaon sa utak ko hanggang ngayon. Sa tuwing magbabasa ako ng mga entry sa mga blog ng kung sino-sino, ng mga taong kilala at mga estranghero, isa sa mga naiisip ko ang tanong na iyun.

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Sa isang post ng aking dating guro sa Filipino nabasa ko naman ang isang pahayag na bumaon muli sa isipan ko.

"Write to express not to impress."

Marahil ay isa itong pahayag upang maiparating sa mga tao na nagsusulat ako para sa aking sarili, wala akong pakialam kung gusto niyo o hindi ang mga naparirito, hindi ako nagsusulat para mang-aliw ngunit para magpahayag.

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Ano naman ang kinalaman ng mga ito sa akin? Naisip ko kasi noong binabasa ko ang mga dati kong isinulat na may mga panahong na walang kwenta ang mga nilalagay kong posts dito. Na yung iba puro arte, puro palabok at yung iba naman parang pinagdikit dikit lang na salita upang makagawa na ng post.

Naisip ko na ang blog na ito ay pwedeng maihambing sa isang mama sa kalye (ako) na sumisigaw sa mga tao sa kalye (ang mga tao sa internet). Sumisigaw lang ng sumisigaw (posts lang ng post) at bahala na kung may makinig o wala. Walang pakialam kung importante o hindi, kung may ibig sabihin o wala basta ang kanya nakapagsabi siya ng gusto niyang sabihin.

Kapag naiisip ko na ang blog ko ay parang ganong tao, hindi ko mapigilang tumigil at magisip. Baka naman ang blog ko ay puro ingay lang at wala naman talagang naidudulot na matino para sa kaninoman.

Nang maisip ko ito, sinubukan kong usisain kung bakit nga ba ako nagsusulat, kung bakit nga ba ako naglalagay ng mga pangyayari at nadarama sa buhay ko sa isang website. Lumabas na isang malaking bahagi nito ay ang simpleng pagpapakawala sa naiipon na damdamin, ngunit kasama ng pagpapakawala na ito, ay ang daing na sana kahit papano may magbasa at makaintindi o makiramay sa nararamdaman ko at sana kahit papano may matuto sa mga isinulat ko.

May nga nagsasabi kasing hindi raw ganoon ang blog, ang blog daw basta kung anong sa iyo ilabas mo at ayos na sila doon. Naniniwala ako na kahit ikaila man, sabihin mang personal na damdamin ang mga napapaloob sa mga sinasabi dito, at walang pakialam sa mga magbabasa ng isinulat hindi maitatago na kaya inilathala at inilagay sa internet ang mga saloobin ay dahil kahit papano umaasang may pakialam ang iba sa yo. Na sa bawat pindot ng "Post button" ay may kalakip na pagaasam na mayroong babasa sa naisulat. Kaya online ito at hindi ginagawa sa ms word/open office/notepad (at kung ano pa mang text editor) "sinasave" at nilalagay sa isang folder sa hard drive.

Naniniwala rin ako na hanggat makakaya hahanapin dapat ang balanse ng "express" at "impress." Napagtanto ko na hindi ako ang tipo ng tao na kuntento na na basta lamang maipahayag ang aking saloobin, dahil kung may tao mang babasa o didinig ng mga saloobin ko kahit papano ay obligasyon ko sa kanya na ipahayag ito sa maayos na paraan.