Solitary Cross

Tired of writing

2010-02-20T17:43:00.001+08:00

I just realized that I actually still have an active multiply account :P I haven't been too active on it, as I've really just used facebook or plurk to post whatever thoughts i have.

The blog section had been dead for nearly a year since I'm a tad tired of writing. I do it for work, and using it for a release can be counter intuitive at times. So I just decided on playing around with some pictures again.

Can someone teach me how to Jump?

2009-07-18T22:37:00.000+08:00

Right now, I'm inside a starbucks here in Gateway mall, drinking a tall White chocolate mocha, listening to music through my Audio Technica ATH-SJ3 headphones, and typing this blog on a Asus EEE 1000HE netbook.

Before you say that I'm nothing more than a boastful S.O.B., bear with me for a second since there's a purpose for that. (Although I would admit that I'm pretty proud of the headphones and the netbook)

Looking at my blog, I realized that the last post was made way back in March. March 13 to be exact, a post that tried to be a tribute to Francis M. So what have I done since? Well nothing really new or exciting or anything. For the past few months, I've busied myself with work, writing articles, press releases, Blogs, and other copies for the web, add to that my freelance gig of writing some tech pieces for a blog, and that's basically what ate up my time.

Now that I look at it, I think it's kind of weird that for the past 3 months I've really done nothing else but work. From what I can recall, ever since March (perhaps even earlier) I've already resigned myself from the job. I was already unhappy with it, and I have already thought about quitting so many times. However, it seems that I never got around to actually quitting. It was always, next week, next month, next bonus, or whatever else, but I never really got around to quitting. As my friend, and former fellow employee Gab, said Puro ka lang naman salita, di mo naman ginagawa. Of course he was a bit of an authority about it, after all he was the one who quit when he said that I want to quit, and did it immediately, bonus or whatever else be damned.

And here I am, it's already July, and I'm still stuck. I've thought about it a lot and started thinking about the reasons on why am I still here.

When other people ask me why I stayed, One of the reasons I always say was the bonus. After all money is money and I sure could use some of it. However, I realize now that money is quite a moot point. I'm still living with my parents, so I really don't have to spend that much on housing, food, or utility expenses. I've also saved quite an amount of money from my 10 months of working, and have even acquired the things that I don't need but really want (the Headphones, the netbook, and enough money to spend when I need a time out).

Taking the bonus and other money concerns out of the equation, I think the real reason is that I'm simply too scared to jump and let go. It's a lack of confidence that I can handle the change of not being able to find a new place to work in. After all, my current work is as close to a sure thing as possible. The pay is okay, I do pretty well with the tasks required, and I don't really have any attendance issues or whatsoever, so I have some confidence that I won't be let go by the company.

I'm blogging and thinking about the topic now, because I just received my bonus. The bonus was my self appointed deadline for when I would pass my resignation. It's quite funny since I had always been sure that once I received the money, I would turn and go. But right now, I'm still scared. While I know that I'm quitting, I can't shake that doubt in my mind. I know that I would resign, but I can't seem to put myself in the mind frame that I would "just do it" there's always this cloud in my head that says Are you sure?

So... Can someone teach me how to jump?

Francis M.

2009-03-13T11:16:00.000+08:00

"let the sun shine, let the rivers run away, coz its a beautiful day now, to play now"

This post talks about regret. As usual, this blog post talks about myself. However, Perhaps I should also count this, as my tribute to Francis M.

No, we did not know each other and one of my biggest regrets was that I never got to meet him.

He was probably my first musical idol. I remember when I was still in kinder 2, when I would bring a cassette of the album Meron akong Ano! and ask them to repeatedly play it on the tape player. Being 6 years old, I was just amused at how fast he can speak, and how catchy the tune of Meron akong ano (meron akong kwento, a wala wala wala wala), how cool ayoko sa dilim (nagdidilim ang paningin, ang paninging umiiitim, ayoko na dito, ayoko sa dilim!) sounded. I also loved the ballad feel of the song called Nilamon ng Sistema ( I always remembered the lines

(…at siya'y pinag-buhatan ng kamay, si inay nagsusugal doon sa madyungan napakasakit kapag walang humahagkan, because of the way he sang it). Little did I know that behind those catchy tunes were lyrics that spoke of a plethora of topics about the deepest ills of our society.

I was literally bringing it everyday that my uncle just decided to copy the cassette to a blank tape and created a mixtape with my favorite songs in the album So that I would be able to bring something to the school bus without destroying the entire album. Apparently, my uncle noticed that I kept on rewinding and fast forwarding to my favorite tracks which he said hastened the deterioration of the tape. Kuya Vic, the driver of the school bus, even noticed my fanaticism (perhaps aided by the fact that I came to the school bus one day wearing a vest and screaming HUWAG KANG MAHIHIYA KUNG ANG ILONG MO AY PANGO!) that he bought me a signed picture of Francis M.

I was so thrilled about it until my Aunt made me realize that it was kuya vic who did the signing. I didn't believe her at first, but then I realized that the chance that our school bus Driver knows francis m. is slim.

When I got my own cassette player, not sure if it was the aiwa or the sony "walkman", perhaps about a couple of years later, I was able to listen to more of his tracks, aside from meron akong ano, i got my uncle's copy of Rap is Francis M. I did enjoy listening to Halalan and mga praning. Now a bit more knowledageable about things, I was able to now understand some of the deeper meanings of his tracks. This trend continued with my uncle consistenly buying his other albums such as Freeman, oddventures of mr.cool (I'm pretty sure there were others but these were those that I remember).

Hmm so where does regret come in? Well as some of you may know, I don't really own this house in cubao. Despite the fact that I've been here all my life, we just rent this place. Durng my high school years, my paretns decided to build a house all the way in Antipolo... It was a bit new at that time, so everyone was curious about the neighbors. And it turns out that Francis M. was an owner of one of the houses in that neighborhood.

And remember, that picture that Kuya Vic gave? Well I wanted a true one this time, I wanted to meet my musical idol. And being neighbors (well not really next door neighbors, more like subdivision mates) I felt that I had a better chance this time. I remember a halloween party in the clubhouse with him coming as a pirate (my memory is quite hazy, but i'm pretty sure it was him). I also remember seeing him in a few masses at the clubhouse. Also, I actually remember when I went to the clubhouse swimming pool and swam with his daughters and one of his sons. To add more to that, my cousin is actually good friends with his son, and his daughters are both ateneans.

Despite that proximity however, I never got his picture, or his autograph. I had been given all the chances to have an encounter with greatness and I was apparently too busy, too shy, or too stupid to take advantage of it. Regrets.

Upon Francis M's death people were quick to showcase his other skills. How he delved in photography, film making, and other activities. How he was supposed to be a good father, husband and friend. I just realized that in contrast to me, this was someone who probably lived his life so as not to regret anything. He had been shown his opportunities and he grabbed them with whatever he had.

PEACE

typeracer.com

2009-03-08T11:51:00.000+08:00

I have spent a lot of time at the office just playing the game in this website. www.typeracer.com

[Note before continuing: I am not promoting the website or being arrogant about my disdain for my work. It just so happened that Sheenah introduced me to this website while we were working, and since our monthly task assignments did not arrive until Friday morning. I spent a lot of time last week playing it.

I have no idea if my boss would fire me or get angry for me for doing this at work (although I have no qualms about getting out of work), but at the very least, I can defend it by saying that it's part of my training as a writer :) Perhaps I could say Improved typing speeds would help me do my work better.]

So typeracer is a website wherein you get to compete against people in typing. Some quotes from movies, songs, books and even video games (I got a Bioshock one recently) appear and it's up to you to type it in the fastest way possible.

Actually I rediscovered something about myself while I was playing type racer. Aside from my average typing speed, I am recently at 80 wpm, I found out how stupidly competitive I can get. While I was typing away, I can't help but try to zone in, and keep on typing to try and beat not just competitiors but my previous score.

But then I realized that this is not an accurate representation of my typing speed. After all, when I'm typing work or even this blog I don't really zone in or anything. So I said, okay I'll try relaxing and just going to do it in my "normal state".

The things is, I realized that I can't seem to turn it off and relax. I tried but right after finishing the first 2-3 words I tend to go to the frantic mode and just type and type away. I hate it since I can't get my normal type rate hehe.

And again it kills me. I'm not a good typer. My fingers are not in the proper position, and I don't return to the homerow as I type. That's why i'm stuck at the 80-85wpm level. This gets really really frustrating when I race against people who are able to reach 90-150 wpm

I think this is a microcosm of how I actually live my life. Sometimes I want to relax and take things slowly but more often than not I get caught up in the race to succeed. The race to be happy.

[play against me sometime :) my username is GoldenX]

Salamat

2009-02-21T17:30:00.000+08:00

Sa mga panahong nagiisa ka, dun mo mapagtatanto ang kahalagahan ng mga kasama.

Siguro kung nagbabasa ka talaga ng mga sinsusulat ko rito, mahihinuha mong hindi ako gaanong masaya sa takbo ng buhay ko. Masyado akong naaapektuhan sa mga bagay-bagay tungkol sa aking paghahanap ng trabaho at hindi ko maitatangging nalulungkot ako dahil wala pang nangyayari.

Tulad ng karamihan, ang pagdating ng Biyernes ay ang isa sa aking mga inaasahang araw. Ang ibig sabihin kasi nito ay tapos na ang aking gawain para sa linggo, pwede ng magpahinga, pwede ng bawiin ang tulog at puyat na nagmula sa paggising ng maaga para pumasok. Sabi nga Thank God It's Friday!

Subalit, gaya nga ng aking nasabi sa aking unang naisulat, ang pagdating ng Biyernes ay isang hudyat ng pagkabigo. Pag dating ng biyernes at wala pa ring tawag ay nangangahulugang lumipas na muli ang isang linggo at hindi pa rin ako tinatanggap. Thank God It's Friday?

Usually, I go out with some of my friends during Fridays. During the past few weeks, despite the conflicts, issues and all the crappy things that I had to endure, those little gatherings, dinners and talks were invigorating in the sense that it gave something to look forward to at the end of the week. I usually saw them as outlets of fun. A fun that had been hindered by the drama that I have put into my life.

However, yesterday was a bit of a change of pace. We didn't really schedule anything that week not to mention that they were also quite busy with their lives with some academic and work related stuff. My friend told me that she'd text me if ever she had some extra time but I don't think it really panned out, or she forgot about it.

I took it as an opportunity to be alone for that night. Maybe it's in that silence, and in that solitary moment that I would be able to be more relaxed or at the very least find that calmness to get me through the next week. So I went to a Starbucks in gateway. It's my usual hang out but now it's devoid of the usual baristas that I've befriended through the years save for Aileen. I was there for about 20-30 minutes until I got really bored and really frustrated again. So far alone time wasn't really working.

I decided to take a walk around Araneta Center. But too much walking without anyone to talk to, or anyone to listen to save for music from my mp3 player got really tiring. It just reminded me of the frustrating walk I did earlier in the day.

What hit me was realizing just how much friends played a role in helping me out through these frustrating times. It wasn't really just an outlet of my frustration, but are really critical in being able to balance my frustration with at least some happiness in me. It wasn't just the advices they gave, or the fun things we do together, it's also in the similar problems they told me about, their own frustrations, and all those other stuff.

I guess camaraderie is really important to me, especially right now. I mean i always saw myself as someone who is a bit of a loner. While I've always been quite sociable, I felt that I've set myself up in such a way that when push comes to shove, I'd be able to still accomplish things on my own.

Now, I'm not saying that I've changed and that I've become that need person who would always have to run to friends when things turn sour. However, I became more aware how friends are able to make things just a bit easier.

_

Moral of the story:
Sa susunod na magkaproblema ako, sisiguraduhin ko na hindi busy ang mga kaibigan ko :P

Hope...

2009-02-21T15:54:00.001+08:00

Kahapon natapos ang ikalawang linggo ng aking paghihintay. Inaasahan ko ang isang tawag mula sa isang kumpanya kung saan ako ay sumubok makapasok. Nang matapos kasi ang aming paguusap ukol sa possibilidad na makapasok ako sa kanilang kumpanya ay sinabihan ako na tatawagan nila ako ko sa loob ng dalawa o tatlong linggo.

Lumipas ang isang linggo at walang tawag na dumating. Sinabi ko sa sarili ko na ayos lang. Siguro mahaba lang ang processing period nila. Ngunit hindi ko ipagkakaila na umaasa na ako na tatawag sila kaagad at sasabihin na nila na "Congratulations Mico, welcome to our team..."

Para lang malinaw, hindi naman sa hindi ako nagiging masaya sa kasalukuyan kong trabaho. Mabait ang mga tao doon, kasama na ang boss ko. Hindi rin ganon katindi ang hirap ng trabaho at ang sweldo naman ay sapat. Marami rin akong mga bagay bagay na natutunan na sa palagay ko ay hindi ko maaring makuha sa ibang paraan. Subalit may mga bagay lang akong hinahanap at hinahangad para sa aking sarili na hindi sa aking palagay ay hindi ko makukuha kung mananatili ako sa kasalukuyan kong industriya na pinagtratrabahuhan. Mayroon ding mga bagay na sa aking palagay ay hindi tumutugma sa kakarampot na prinsipyo ko sa buhay.

Lalong tumindi ang pag asa ko sa pagdating ng tawag na iyon noong ikalawang linggo. Dahil siguro sinabi noong babae sa akin, sabi nga niya "we'll call you in 2-3 weeks" at eto na ang second week, kaya mataas na ang pagkakataon na tumawag sila. Pero yun nga dumating ang biyernes, at walang nangyari. Lumipas nanaman

Pagasa - Hope.

For each day last week, I can't help but think about it. I work in a 9-6 shift and for every hour of that shift, I expect the ringing of my fone, Hoping to get the results of what happened during the interviews.

"Let me tell you something my friend. Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane. "[from the movie the Shawshank redemption]

For every hour that I waited, I always had to end the day with that disappointment that I was not able to get what I hoped for. Nearly every second of my 30-40 minute walk from the office to the train station is filled with thoughts of why am i here, and why am i STILL here.I've slowly lost confidence in the idea that my interview had gone well. I had slowly lost confidence in my ability.

I think that being given that chance to hope is something that has been a double edged sword for me. I think that to hope for a brighter future does inspire me but in the same way, when days pass and what I had hoped for does not happen it crushes me, it slowly drives me insane.

I think that it has something to do with expectation. Perhaps hope always had that expectation that things will succeed. Unfortunately, I haven't been ablee to separate my expectation, my reality, and my hope.

In the same movie it was also said that "hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies." The third week starts tomorrow. So I'll still hope.

Sunday Romance

2009-02-10T17:10:00.001+08:00

While admittedly not the most devout of Catholics, I regularly go to Sunday Mass. I attribute this to two reasons;the first is that my family usually hears mass when my dad is here and I don't want to be the one left behind in the house, and the other one is that I always see it as an opportunity to learn. I'm not talking about Religious teachings per se, but all kinds of life lessons that I may pick up from whatever sermon, teachings, or events that happen while I'm in church.

Last Sunday, February 8, I went to the 5:00pm Mass at gateway mall. There were available seats but I decided to stand somewhere beside the chairs since I felt that if I sat down, my mind would begin to wander. While at the mass I saw this little girl who was enjoying herself at the mass. She was running from row to row and was bascially smiling and playing with the other church goers. I was amused to see her being all happy like that, while all others were trying to be all solemn and prayerful, and she being able to get away with it.

Her noise, while cute at times, is admittedly louder than a ringing cell phone and aside from a few taps and stern looks her parents really didn't even try to hush it. I was quite amused that when you consider the looks that people give when they hear a ringing phone ("ano ba yan ang ingay naman di man lang nag silent mode") and compare it to the wailings of a little girl that is much more disruptive, people tend to get angrier at the phone. Perhaps this is valid, I am not one to judge, i just observed that. The perks of being a kid I guess.

However. This is not the main realization of this story...

A few rows away was another girl. A bit older, but still young enough to seek some enjoyment in a mass that perhaps she would deem boring. She happened to glance at the child in front of her and decided to play. She decided to have fun. Simply put, she wanted to be happy.

So she went towards the girl. SHe played with her. They were playing a variant of hide and seek, tag, and magicians all at once. And standing from my corner and looking at them I can see that they were both happy.

I was thinking about it, and realized how different it is when people grow older. People lose that capability to just go for it, to just go for what makes you happy. damn the world if they would look at you in a weird way, or if tradition doesn't allow such communication to occur. The kid would just go for it. Yes, she may get some funny looks after it, but it's not gonna take away the fact that for that moment that she decided to go and reach out, to move towards and play, they had fun.

The perks of being a kid i guess.

hey

2009-01-29T17:23:00.000+08:00

For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these, 'It might have been.'

These words can describe my sudden philosophical shift

2008 part 2

2009-01-29T16:35:00.001+08:00

Ok, part 2 of this post

As mentioned in the previous post, my 2008 was basically divided into 3 parts. I took care of the remaining school thingies so the next part is the unemployment months.

I already did a recap of my work misadventures in another post (here and here). So I wouldn't really go into details. I guess what I would just say about it was that it was quite a humbling experience for me. Doing nothing for nearly half a year was very frustrating. Not to toot my own horn but I always felt that I had the skills to be able to land a job that I would like quite easily. But knowing that I was still unemployed for all those months and seeing my classmates/blockmates/ and other friends finding a job that they like, it really did make me feel inadequate.

It was also one of those times that I truly regretted not giving my all during my stay in school. I always ended up saying that perhaps if I did well enough, or pushed myself to do better and got stand out grades perhaps I wouldn't have too many problems in employment. Now, I realize that grades are not the be all and all of employment but at the time I really felt that if I had graduated with all those honors and recognition thingies, things would have been a lot easier.

Well that's that, for more information just read the previous post.

So the next part would be the working months. I worked at an IT Outsorucing company as a technical writer. As readers may surmise I'm not really that good at writing. I'm more of just typing in white heat and seeing how the words plan out. So to actually earn a living as someone who has to write a bunch of words every day was quite difficutl. However, I guess I worked in that company not just because I needed the money but more on the fact that I liked the company. From the people at HR to the team of writers, and even to the guy who brought us food, I really had fun with the interactions I had with them.

And that's basically the wrap up for the year.

I guess here's the list thing again that I tend to do for every year end post.

Thanks to:

-James Wyson:
Same as last year. It's great to know that you have someone who helps you when you need it.
-Hans Huvalla, Richmond Fang, Alex Junia, Deneb Plazuela, Jelyn Baccay, Micci Venzon:
A combination of my CTK and LS groupmates. The combination of those two classes during the last college months were probably one of the most stressful months of college. Fortunately I had these people as my groupmates. I know that they'd pick up the slack whenever I'm not doing well hehe
-Mich Cruz, Kathy Calilao, Bon Cabiladas, Abbi Luz, Rom Guanzon
Theology immersion was one of the more memorable things in my life,
- Block R2
One of the better things that happened in college was being able to meet this diverse group of people and share the whole college experience with them.
- Mavie Bompat, Pam De Leon, Cathy Moscare
These were the people that I got quite close to while i was working. We spent so many hours together be it in the office or in the videoke rooms. It really made my first job quite enjoyable.
- LWS people
As mentioned before, it wasn't really the work that made me enjoy going to the office, it's the people. Gelo, Josh, Aika, Joseph, Leslie, Erma, Jake, Fritzie, Kathy, Mikay, Mikko, James, Ate Maja, Ms. Kristine, Ate Rachel, IIvy, Chat and Bangge
- Cindy
Just before the year ended, I went to Singapore. And I met an internet friend. It was very nice of her to tour me around and even treat me to some local delicacies, especially considering that it was the first time that we met.

2008 part 1

2009-01-20T20:22:00.002+08:00

I know this post is quite late but I was fortunate to immediately find work right after the Christmas break that I really did not have the time to post. Well that's not fully true, the thing is, in my previous job and even the job that I'm currently holding, I work as a writer. And well to write a post after writing for so many hours while at the office (or at home in the last few weeks of December) tends to be quite tiring hehe.

I think stripped off all the events, the mere fact that it was the year 2008 would already be highly memorable for me. This is of course because 2008 was the year when I was supposed to graduate, and graduation tends to generate a lot of emotions for someone. Graduation signifies that end to a life of academic education (of course there's masters but let's not get too ahead of the post) and a beginning of a new life, as a student of the "real world."

How was my 2008 like? I would probably break it down into 3 main parts, the final 3 months of my college life, the unemployment period (April to September) and finally finding work (Late september to present).

The final 3 months of college was quite hectic but very memorable. My group mates and I had to submit a CTK paper as well as an LS paper as part of the requirements. There was also the portfolio that I had to create for my drawing class, theology immersion and presentation, and some more papers for my Philosophy and Feature Writing classes. Of course, there are also the exams, both oral and written, that I had to take care of.

Out of all those requirements, I guess what really stands out was the Theology Immersion. I don't think I made a post about it, (probably was too caught up with having to do other things, but I remember posting the pictures here). It was a standout event because I can actually see it as some sort of a culminating activity for my 3 years in SPEED. Being able to play with special kids, and forming a special bond with them (especially the two Pauls) gives me that (corny as this may seem, or even out of character with what people perceive me to be) sense of inner joy and fulfillment. I vividly remember cleaning up with Leslie after a kid who peed on himself, chatting with new found friends at the sari sari store while the kids were sleeping, carrying around a kid on my shoulders as my work out, and of course, racing a wheel chair around the cottolengo grounds during the last day (although we lost the competition). The presentation we did about the presentation was arguably one of my more memorable ones, I don't remember ever having done a presentation where I really felt involved and not just doing it for the sake of grades. The group orals/finals for theo class was one of the best I ever had, hearing Father Pat Giordano saying, "I don't have to ask you any more questions, you can't raise your grade anymore, it's too high."

The task for our classes was one of the more stressful moments I had in college. It was quite frustrating, especially when the two of them are competing with the very limited time a student has for doing school work. This is especially true since LS required a whole lot of reports and was a 7:30 class. At 7:30 it was quite difficult to find time to cram the report. I mean if it was a bit later, we could have probably met during the day and done the parts we needed to do. But through talent, will, and some help from every other student who were in that class, I guess we were able to pull through.

CTK on the other hand was quite weird. It was one of the moments where I was not fully confident in what I was doing. I mean I think my groupmates trusted me but honestly I was not trusting myself. I guess that's why I had to call and email and contact a some of my friends who I believe are well versed in IT and marketing just to do my part in the paper. I'd be lying if I said the defense of the paper was a success hehe. It was one of the more "amusing" moments of all my defense life, I am known as someone who talks a lot, or at least defends whatever point I chose to take but during this defense, I can't find any word to say that can help. As Richmond put it, "that defense left a bad taste in the mouths." Fortunately, while the defense exposed our faults in some aspects, the other parts of the paper were good enough to carry us to an Ok grade.

Lost among the paper work was having to make this huge poster for art class. It was quite difficult since at that time I already lost all my belief that I was an art genius and I just didn't know it. Tracy's excellent work didn't help matters as I found how utterly worthless my works are hehe. But I guess Sir Goco saw the effort that I put into the works that I do (all effort + no talent ) and gave me a good enough grade.

After all the requirements were passed, there was really nothing to do but to wait and see if we would graduate. I guess I did well enough and I graduated :)

This post is going too long, so I'll just post them in parts. Haha the next part would hopefully be posted tomorrow

Catharsis

2008-10-13T18:42:00.000+08:00

October 13,2008

I havent felt like this in a long time. The funny thing is, I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be feeling this way. To be more precise about it, I'm not sure if i have a right to be this hurt? or this diasspointed . Feeling this way actually makes me think about you and me. It makes me wonder about what you mean to me and what I mean to you.

I had always wondered how we would start acting when we see each other. Perhaps deep inside me, those childhood, well immaturities (your term not mine) still linger. Yes I understand that it had been awhile, that we had gone our separate ways, found new people to enthrall and amuse us, but given this time, and situation, a time where you and I are drifters again, where you and I talk again, that immaturity once again comes out from that depth...

Deep inside me there was this feeling that meeting you would be the spark that lights something. What that something is, I myself don't know. Romance, love, a deeper sense of friendship, again I have no idea. But I had always wanted to find out.

Find out what I felt for you, and you for me. As for now I think all that I can say is that I liked you, Yeah I really really liked you. At the very least, I liked you enough to hope.

To hope, yes but to hope for what? Is it simply meeting you? Is it simply wishing that those promises we made be fulfilled? Sitting here in front of the computer at this hour while thinking about it is quite amusing actually. It reminds me of those immature days (again your words) when we basically spent hours in the same set up, just talking to each other. Believing that these chats, messages and late night conversations are merely steps to something better.

Little did we know that even after 5 years these would still be the only steps we have. It is frustrating and amusing at the same time. Frustrating for obvious reasons, but amusing because even after all these years, I never let go, perhaps you never did too. After 5 years, both of us still believe in immature promises.

I wrote this last night actually. I was in that certain moment when you wanted to feel sad, bad or really emotional. Writing to to find that feeling of "catharsis" afterwhat happened. I'm not mad or sad anymore. Writing this really helped release all those pent up emotions inside. I don't know (and to a certain extent, care) if she reads this or not, Just laying it out in words was enough to make me realize some things as well as make me feel better.

Every New Beginning Comes from some other beginning's end

2008-10-13T18:27:00.000+08:00

So continuation to ng aking misadventures...

Pagkatapos kay Bank B, ay sa isang new media arm ng isang sikat na kumpanya dyaan sa may Kamuning. Itago na lang natin siya sa pangalang Company G. Well eto naman ay dahil may dati akong blockmate na nagtratrabaho na sa kumpanyang eto at sinabi niya sa akin na may opening daw sa position na na Product Development officer. So ayun nagpunta ako, application, initial interview, at sa palagay ko eto na ang dream job ko... Lahat na halos ng hinahanap kong gawain, nandun na; ang trabaho tungkol sa websites, site design, site details and specifications, eh high school pa lang gawain ko na. Tapos magandang pangalan pa yung company, medyo big shot, and finaly malapit pa sa bahay! kontra sa takbo ng traffic na papuntang makati! So ayun sumunod ang interview with the VP. Sinagot ko ang tanong niya ng maayos, sa palagay ko lahat ng sinabi ko ay malinis at tugma sa mga hinihingi niya at at at ang ending eh we'll call you in a week after we finish all our interviews ang sinabi. (parang narinig ko na ata to dati). So dahil dito eh medyo pinause ko ang application ko sa lahat ng kumpanya. Dream Job eh tapos sa palagay ko pa ang ganda ng sagot ko at pasado naman ang credentials ko. Kaso ayun lumipas nanaman ang panahon, at tila nasira ang calendars sa office ng company G.

So nung medyo napaghahalata ko na na walang patutunguhan ang Company G, eh nag apply na muli ako. Isa sa mga una kong naapplyan sa Jobstreet ay ang positiong marketing assistant sa isang restauarnt chain na itatago natin sa pangalang C.G, Sa. C.G ang interview at testing ay dun sa isang branch nila sa may ortigas. So syempre pumunta ako, nag test, at nag interview, tapos tinawagan ako ng kinagibahan sabi mag final interview ka dyan sa may cubao. Aba wow jackpot! dito sa may cubao! Kaso ang ending eh napunta sa ibang tao ang posisyon. So wala pa rin... pero maganda rin ang pagkasabi nung GM nila. Sabi niya sa akin ayaw daw niya ng atenista, kasi naniniwala sya na may "yabang" (hindi mayabang, hindi negative to) sa atenista. Yun bang tipong syempre pag may nag offer na multi-national company sayo ng mas malaki sa kaya nilang ibigay, kahit papano maiisip mo yung education na natanggap mo sa isang prestihiyosong paaralan ay tama lang na bigyan ng magarang sweldo. Atenista rin daw kasi yung GM nila hehe.

So ayan medyo 5 months from graduation eh wala pa rin akong trabaho. Tapos surpise surprise tumawag ulit si Bank B. Isa nanaman daw test at interview, sabi ko actually po nakapag test na ako at nakapaginterview, nakagawa na nga po ako nung app form. Kaso nawala na raw nila yung files ko so take na lang ulit at interview na alng ulit. Ayun naipasa ko naman, kaso hindi na sila muling tumawag pa ahaha

Tapos eto na, tumawag na ang LWS media. Sobrang tagal na nito, jobfair pa lang ata sa ateneo, eh nagpasa na ako ng application form dito. Hindi dahil sa gusto ko sya, pero dahil trip ko lang gawing brochure sa restaurant ang resume ko. Nakakaaliw, dahil kung iisipin ang dahilan ng pagkapasok ko sa LWS media ay ang mismong blog na to. Sabi sa akin nung boses sa telepono (si Ms. Arlene ata yun) it says here that you rate yourself a 9 in blogging... Kaya ko lang naman nilagay yun dahil naniniwala ako sa kakayahan ko sa pagsulat ng blogs. Ang solitary cross na tipong high school pa lang ako eh nandun na, tapos ang multiply pang ito... Pero hindi kasi kaagad natapos ang job hunt ko sa tawag na yun. Pumunta pa ako sa opisina nila para magtest (dahil si Ms. Arlene hindi nagemail!! nung test na pwede naman palang gawin sa bahay) tapos may interview dapat kaso hindi ko nasipot. May nangyari kasi so nagtext na lang ako kay Ms. A at sinabing, sorry po, emergency lang.

Kinabukasan ng pangyayaring yun sa LWS ay pumunta naman ako sa Company SY, Isang telephony company dyan sa may makati. Ok naman ang interview, at sa palagay ko naman nasagot ko ng tama yung personality test (hindi pa ata ako baliw). Kaso ayun medyo hindi na rin umaandar ang calendars nila dahil yung sabing we'll call you in one or two weeks ay medyo hindi pa rin dumarating!

So pagkalipas ng ilang oras, tumawag naman ang company na gumagawa ng sabon at shampoo at pamahid sa kili-kili (medyo mahirap syang gawan ng pantagong pangalan dahil isang letter pa lang alam mo na). So ayun nag test ako sa opisina nila sa makati. Test tapos antay ng tawag as usual, pero bago pa man din sila makatawag ay...

Inunahan na sila ng kakulitan ni Ms. Arlene ng LWS Media. Tumawag syang muli at sinabing magtest ako. Eh nakapagtest na ako, so interview na alng daw ang kulang. So ayun nung lunes september 22, 2008 eh ininterview ako ni Ma'm Kristine, ang HR director nila, at kinabukasan din, isa na akong writer para sa LWS Media.

March 31,2008 hanggang September 23,2008 eh unemployed ako.

Mahabang panahon rin kung tutuusin. Maaring sabihing nasayang na panahon pero kapag tinitignan ko ang paligid ko, pag kinakausap ko ang mga kaopisina ko ngayon, at tinatanaw ang nakaraan, naiisip ko na marami akong natutunan dahil sa mahabang panahon na yun at naiisip ko rin na kung hindi ko tinahak ang mahabang daan na yun, ay hindi ako mapapadpad sa kung nasaan ako ngayon.

The End Is the Beginning Is the End

2008-10-12T19:42:00.001+08:00

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Yan na ang huling araw na nag lagay ako ng kung ano mang post dito. Nakakaaliw dahil Marso pa lang ata matagal ko nang ginustong magsulat tungkol sa mga nangyayari sa buhay ko. Pero wala masyadong gana dahil abala ako sa pagiging unemployed.

Maraming beses ko nang inisip na sige magsusulat ako. Kaso pumusta ako sa sarili ko, sabi ko magsusulat ako kapag nakahanap na ako ng trabaho. Eh ayun malay ko bang aabutin ako ng halos 7 buwan bago man lang ako makahanap ng trabaho. Kaya ngayon gusto kong balikan ang lahat ng kaya kong alalahanin mula sa mga lumipas na buwan.

Uunahin ko na dun sa bago kong laruan. Nung nakatapos ako ng college, binigyan ako ng tito ko ng isang bagay na matagal ko nang inaasam asam, isang DSLR. Sabi ko dati sa sarili ko, wala man akong skill dito sa photography, pag meron ako nito, feeling ko gagaling ako. Ayun nabigyan nga, meron na akong Canon Rebel XT (350d sa mga ayaw sa north american branding, pwede ring Canon Kiss N kung japan ang trip mo)

Eto sya:

Canon 350D + 18-55mm Kit Lens and 50mm/f2.8 lens.

Gusto kong isiping tama ako. Naniniwala ako na gumaling nga ako. Pero sa palagay ko hindi ito dahil sa nabigyan ako ng magandang camera, pero dahil sa nagkaroon ako ng panibagong interes sa Photography. Ang pagresearch, pag hanap ng mga tutorials ay nagsimula dahil sa kagustuhang magamit ko ang regalo ng tito ko sa kanyang pinakaibuturang kakayahan (to its full potential).

Marami na rin akong mga kuha na talagang nagustuhan ko (click to enlarge)

Mula sa masayang laruan, e dun naman tayo sa medyo malungkot na parte ng buhay ko. Nung magtapos ako ng kolehiyo, kaagad akong naghanap ng trabaho. Hindi naman dahil sa workaholic ako, pero medyo di ko lang gusto ng nabuburo sa bahay. Wala na kasing allowance na pwedeng ipunin, kaya wala ng masyadong pang gimik. Kaso gaya nga ng nabanggit kanina medyo natagalan ang application ko. Madalas tuloy Iniisip ko kung malas lang ba ako, o talagang tanga sa pag apply.

Ang pinakauna kong application na naprocess ay sa company na itatago natin sa pangalang A. Ang A ay isang IT outsourcing company dito sa may cubao at meron din sa may pioneer. Kung di ako nagkakamali, nagaaral pa nga ako nung mga panahong nagtest ako dun. Nung interview-han/ hiring na, medyo napaatras ako. Hindi naman sa mukha akong pera o anu-man pero medyo hindi kasi malaki yung offer, tapos hindi pa ako dun ipwepwesto sa building sa tapat namin. So napatanggi ako. Ayos lang naman dahil ang travel ko lang naman ay mga 5 minutes mula opisina kung saan ako ininterview hanggang bahay ko.

Pagkatapos ay sa isang advertising company sa may Timog na itatago natin sa pangalang D.A. Sa jobstreet ko ata napulot ang application dito at Production Coordinator ang position. First interview ko ata talaga to kung tutuusin, medyo di ko kasi tinuturing na matinong interview yung A haha (parang feel ko eh damay lang ako ng mass hiring needs nila). Sinamahan ako ng ninang ko hanggang opisina nila at ayun na. Okay pa naman daw ang credentials ko, Okay rin ang sagot ko, maliban sa isa! May tinanong sa akin na hindi ko nasagot ng tama, at medyo kinabahan ako at wala nag panic at ayun basura na ang application. Doon ko na rin unang narinig ang napakasayang We'll call you in a week. Siguro nasira ang kalendaryo nila dahil hindi pa sila tumatawag hanggang ngayon.

Sumunod naman dito ay ang company I. Isang BPO sa eastwood. Nagwalk in test ako kasama ang kaibigan ko, at awa ng diyos naipasa ko naman. Nainterview na rin ako nung HR ,at endorsed para interviehin ng bigwigs. At nainterview na nga ako ng mga bossing, tapos tapos tapos biglang nagiba ang ihip ng hangin. Ang inoffer na position eh something about E-learning kaso ang oras eh yung tipong gising ka pag tulog na ang lahat.Sa loob loob ko medyo maaga pa naman ang taon, medyo fresh na fresh graduate pa ako, kaya ko pa sigurong maghanap ng iba.

Sumunod dito ay ang company AP, isang "advertising firm" sa Makati. Ang AP ay isang company na inapplyan ko mula sa Jobsdb.com. Ang position daw marketing trainee, Aba yan na ang position na palagay ko bagay sa akin, lalo na't management graduate ako. Noong araw ng interview, ang mga kasama ko mga big shots din, may summa cum laude pa nga from UP, siyempre naging proud ako. Sabi ko sa sarili ko wow nashort list ako kasama niya! Tapos ayun na dumating ang interviewer. At ang masasabi ko lang ay WOW. Medyo hot sya, yung tipong iisipin mo na kahit anong ipagawa sayo nito gagawin mo, ng Yes Ma'm! opo ma'm, ngayon na po! Hindi lang ako ang nakapansin nito, kahit yung mga babae kong kasama (ako lang yung lalake na ininterview nung batch na yun, group interview kasi) sabi super ganda niya. So ayun natapos ang group interview at nagschedule na ng 2nd interview na individual + filed work na para makita kung gusto mo ang gawain. Nung maghihiwalay na kami sa grupo eh napagdesisyonan naming hingin ang numero ng isa't isa, para wala lang para friends kami. Eh nagkataon ang isa sa mga kagroup ko eh naschedule ng mas maaga. so tinanong ko kung kamusta, at yun nalaman ko kung ano ang advertising na gagawin. Ang advertising pala ay tinatawag na human commercial. Lalapit ka sa mga tao sa mall at magaadvertise! wow Marketing trainee nga! Good luck naman sa akin. Kaya nung oras ko na para sa second interview eh wala napa cancel na ako. Napagtanto ko na kahit anong hot pala nung boss ko eh may mga bagay pa rin akong tatangihan.

Ang sumunod naman ay isang bangko na itago natin sa pangalang B. Si bank B ay dun din sa makati at katabi nya ang building kung san nakalagay ang opisina ng AP Company. Ang position naman dito ay marketing assistant/trainee. Sa una may preliminary interview tapos second interview tapos ganon din may test, tapos kung naipasa mo eh dun ka na bibigyan ng application form. Eh ang kaso second interview pa lang, sabi na sa akin nung Cute na HR person na itatago natin sa pangalang Kisses, nako sarado na yung position na gusto mo, so magtest ka na lang kasi sayang din nandito ka na. So ayun nagtest ako kahit medyo sa isip ko walang patutunguhan. Pero hindi tumawag sila after a few days at ang sabi punta ka dito sa Quezon City business center, dito sa isang branch namin may magiinterview raw sa akin. At syempre pumunta ako, aba akalain mo yun ang naginterview sa akin eh yun atang branch manager or something (basta feel ko mataas ang position niya) tapos ang ending eh iba raw ang marketing qualifications na hinahanap nila. Hindi sila into graphics/ideas/multi-media advertising ang gusto raw nila eh yung taga draft ng letters. Sabihin ko man na kaya ko rin yun (at sa palagay ko ay kaya ko rin) eh hindi na rin eepekto, dahil nung interview eh halos ipinagdikdikan ko na marunong ako gumawa ng ads :P At yun tama nga dahil narinig ko rin ang we'll call you in a week at tulad ng sa D.A. company dun sa timog (there's something about Q.C ah) eh nastuck din ang Kalendaryo nila.

(itutuloy)

Ayan ang mga misadventures ko sa application so far. Meron pang iba, pero para makahinga naman ang aking mga mambabasa, eh sa next edition ko na ilalagay yun. Sa totoo lang naexcite ako na magblog ulit. Kahit title niyan pinagisipan ko talaga ng todo todo. Title yan ng kanta ng Smashing Pumpkins para dun sa soundtrack ng Batman and Robin ata yun. Naisip ko lang kasi lahat ng panimula, ay pagtatapos nga naman ng isang panimula. Siguro mas magiging malinaw to sa susunod na post.

Vector

2008-07-16T09:38:00.001+08:00

I saw a display picture of my friend in yahoo messenger. I was bored so I asked for it and decided to create one of those vector style thingie faces. Comparing it with my previous attempts at vector faces I guess I really am improving hehe

123456.txt

2008-07-16T09:14:00.000+08:00

I'm just cleaning up my desktop and I found one of this text files that was there. I usually just copy paste statements, quotes or whatever else I find amusing and just paste them in a txt file and then name it as whatever. Hence the filename 123456.txt

I have no idea where this came from. I also don't know if i believe in the statement but it piqued my interest so here's the text:

If the time comes that you are not already sure where you stand in someone’s life, it’s best to leave things behind so that if they drop you off, it will be easier to forget them. Don’t waste time waiting for nothing; when efforts are not recognized, it’s best to just give things up. You’ve done your part, let them do theirs…
… though it’s hard maybe it's the right thing to do...

Tetris

2008-07-16T09:01:00.000+08:00

This is a post done a few months back, I just found it typed up somewhere and realized I haven't uploaded it yet, so I guess this is a retro post or something.

The name of the Game is tetris.

I was fixing my room when I came across one of my gameboy consoles. I have nearly all the incarnations of it only missing out on the gameboy micro.

While I have a whole lot of games for it (most coming from the time my dad was still working in thailand) the one that was inserted into it was Tetris. So I booted it up, to just test if it still works but then I found myself strangely addicted to it again.

A Brick game. Nearly everybody knows the basic rules of the game. Fill up a straight line horizontally without any gaps to make it vanish and keep the blocks from reaching the top and filling up the screen. I found myself trying to find out how high I can get my score to be when I start from level 0 (so far 386,XXX). Admittedly I'm not a very good tetris player so that took me some time and a multitude of replays to reach.

Most people have this strategy wherin they build up a stack but leave a space at either of the ends to be able to wait for an I block (you know, the straight line) so that they can score a tetris. As I built up that stack, I kept waiting and waiting until I realized that the damned straight block wasn't gonna come anytime soon and I just had a tall and structure that wasn't gonna vanish easily.

I got a game over more than a few time because of this. And After a few plays I began to see a semblance of the game to my life (Yes, I am quite bored and have a lot of time and thinking on my hands).

I realized that sometimes I had to be contented with taking out a smaller section rather than the grandslam 4 lines. I began thinking that at some points in my life I was so enthralled with this single idea of what I want to be, or what I want to become that I keep on waiting and waiting only to realize in the end that it's not gonna come anytime soon. And I end up missing opportunities.

I guess being unemployed I can't shake that feeling that I may have missed some opportunities already, because I want to find that place where in I can find the job that I want and that wants to hire me as well.

While I still don't have a job as of now, I received a psp so I'm not into tetris now, hehe lumines is my new game.

Iron Man

2008-05-08T16:22:00.000+08:00

Iron Man WAS one of my favorite superheroes when I was still young. I became a fan of Iron Man because of playing video games.

For starters the arcade game Captain America and the Avengers was my first exposure to the superhero. He had this beam blast move and considering the alternatives were Arrows by Hawkeye or Captain America's Shield throw (there was another character but I can't remember his power) I started to choose him a lot. And I played a whole lot of arcade games when I was young (sadly much more than I can afford to do now, ooh 4 peso tokens in worlds of fun and fiesta carnival where are you?)

He also was a playable character in a host of marvel fighting games (Marvel Super Heroes: War of the Gems,Marvel Super Heroes and Marvel vs. Capcom 1 and 2. and I like his moveset especially the fact that the proton cannon looks powerful. So I was exposed to him a lot.

He was also in other games like X-Men Legends II: Rise of Apocalypse and Marvel: Ultimate Alliance. But I never really used him there since I'm a wolverine guy and he was really the one that I use the most (but this would be a story for another day).

Anyway I played all these games before I started reading comic books. So most of my stories of Iron Man are non canon and mainly focused on the good things that he does.

But I started dropping my admiration for the Iron Man superhero thingie when I read the story arc of Marvel Civil war. This is quite shallow since I just happened to like the other side (the one Iron Man is not on) and well that's that. Quite childish haha

Now onto the Movie, I liked it, it was not short but it didn't drag too much. I also like the Tony Stark portrayal there and the tale of Iron Man's origins was goofy enough that I enjoyed it. The butterfingers robot was cool hehe.

Anyway, after seeing the Movie here's the Panda Thingie that I made. Uhm Photoshop pen tool, convert point, blur filters, and layer blending options. I really liked doing this, I made this part by part like armor plates being layered on top of the other, and while looking at it by turning off the visibility of some the layers I guess I was imagining the construction of the ironman suit.

The Forbidden Kingdom

2008-05-08T15:55:00.001+08:00

Saw The Forbidden Kingdom with my dad last saturday.

When I first saw the movie's trailer I thought that it wasn't really going to sell because it was a good movie but rather because it was an event. And I guess even they realized that by featuring the tie up of Jet Li and Jackie Chan in their trailers.

So before watching the movie I was really just in the mindste to be contented with seeing the fight scenes. However I was pleasantly surprised because I found myself enjoying the movie. Part of it was because of Jackie Chan's style of humor and the major part is because that girl who played that sparrow thingie was cute (and for me she was even hotter on the modern day scene) Also I had recently played Warrior's Orochi and staff fighting and mass crowd beat em up style scenes were still quite fresh on my mind.

Which leads me to this "work". I think this really sucks. I was doing the flat part of the shirt/robe thingie when I got tired because I kept on getting things wrong so I just decided to give up And try different filters to achieve a certain look. But I wasn't able to pull it off so it's a hodge podge of different filters and shapes with no real purpose haha.

Panda

2008-05-07T23:00:00.001+08:00

Decided to try to create a panda image just because I really find pandas cute.

One of my friends said the panda looks chinese, and I guess subconsciously I did that because I remember watching a show about Pandas and in that show they explained those pandas are found in China.

Again Pen tool and shape tool for the panda. The background was just some shapes and blending modes and a default photoshop filter (which one exactly is something I don't know).

Penguin Boy

2008-05-07T22:49:00.002+08:00

I think I was watching nickelodeon's The Fairly Odd Parents and when the show finished they showed a clip made by some animators about a guy with a Penguin family being chased by someone with a bull dog on top of a flat iron (makes sense?).

During those hours where I'm supposed to be in bed and dreaming of better days. I decided to fire up photoshop and try my hand at creating my own cartoony image. And I came up with this penguin boy thing.

Mostly used the shape and pen tool's convert point function to come up with the different shapes. Not as nice as what I had in mind but I guess it looks cute enough.

Swirls

2008-05-07T22:31:00.003+08:00

This stems from me being unlucky (?) in my job hunting activites which then leads to me having a whole lot of free time in my hands. One of the things that helped me de-stress from the pressure of being a bum, as well as pass some time was trying to learn how to improve my skills in the use of photoshop. So I tried doing some images again, I guess this time my foucs was more on creating things from my own imagination rather than rely on tutorials and other stuff.

That said, I was looking at some files on my computer and saw this. One of My friends commented that it was nice. So lookig at it again I tried to remember how to pull it off (I lost the link to . So after some fiddling around with the tools and filters I was able to come up with this variation.

For me the image is quite nice, the different color variations that one can do with its color however (I think I also mentioned this in my previous post) I have no idea how to incorporate it into other works. Suggestions for that would be very much appreciated.

Going back to the thing about doing my images from my own imagination and creativity and skills, I'm reminded of something that I read somewhere, a few years back. It went something like "Photoshop Filters does not make someone an artist (or was it Graphic designer I have forgotten the exact thing)". Now I'm not claiming to be an artist or a graphic designer, but in a way it hits that I really should try to improve my own understanding and use of the tools rather than be reliant on tutorials and filters.

And although "Photoshop Filters does not make someone an artist" it sure helps in making something nice :)

Blogging

2008-03-20T20:29:00.000+08:00

Im starting to notice how I am slowy becoming active in updating my blog. Part of it has something to do with the lighter schedule that I have, another is because it's holy week and there's really no one to talk to or no place to go to but I guess the bigger thing is how the words of Sir Ruey De Vera in my Com 142: Feature Writing class seemed to stick in my head's mental burs.

He said:
KEEP ON WRITING.

Simple words actually, not necessarily life changing for me, but something that really touched a nerve for some reason. I am not so sure of the context of why he said that statement but I guess that exactly is the point of it. To keep on writing no matter the context, may it be for requirements or for pleasure. To just write, whatever the topic or situation.

As for me I write (type would perhaps be more appropriate) for different reasons such as to improve my grammar skills (I'm not doing a very good job in this regard), to relieve stress, to express emotions and to reminisce are a few of them.

I guess another things is that I actully write to be read. Not actually to be read by others but I actually find importance in making me read this things that I wrote in order to evoke the emotions that I felt during the time I'm writing them, or those that I felt during the event or thing or whatever that I was talking about. I guess similar to written notecards during an oral report or presentation, these writings give me that outline or reminders as to where I am and what I should be doing.

On Art

2008-03-18T23:56:00.002+08:00

I'm currently in the period where I haven't officially graduated but already done with those academic requirements. This just means that I have a whole lot of time writing in my blog (yes, I am searching for work but well employers aren't really knocking on my doors). While doing my blogs, I just realized that I'm more comfortable writing (typing?) down ideas and emotions rather than speaking or being artistic about them. Now I know that there are a whole lot of ways to be artistic so to make it clear, what I mean by artistic I guess is drawing, painting, sketching and the like.

Which is quite a shame actually. For some reason I really do enjoy drawing and painting. I guess I can say that I would actually feel much more satisfied if I can come up with a good drawing/painting rather than a good written work. My friends chide for me this, saying that the works I did for my classes in third year (CS 175 and CS 176) are nice, and are in a sense artistic but there really is something quite different with being able to come up with a work that had no aid for filters, or the undo function.

I joined a class during my last semester in school called Introduction to Drawing and Painting, in the hopes of trying to ~~increase my~~ actually give me skills in those things. But well, while I did improve a bit, I still find myself seeing that the desire is there but unfortunate, my innate talent does not match with the desire.

I try to work on it through classes, tutorials and friends but sometimes I can't help but realize that artistic skills (as with other talents) are not simply things that can be attained through effort (but it helps a lot, I think I got a B in the painting class just through professor kindness and sheer effort) but also has that God-given component in it as well. I guess I'm stuck in this frustrating cycle of doing something that I like but not being able to show an output that would satisfy that like.

I got into thinking about art because I saw all these art materials that I bought for class. I was cleaning my room and then came upon a stash of watercolors, colored pencils, pastels and a sketch pad. So feeling artistic, I just drew, simply drew. I was finished and was packing my stuff when I stumbled upon the Free DVD from the Faber-Castell colored pencil and after watching it, I decided to color the drawing I did.

I came up with this:

This image actually presents it way better than seeing it in real life. Hehe as with all my "artistic endeavors", they look better when they're smaller or farther away from the viewer.

I have no idea where that face came from... Probably from watching death note and looking at various Visual-Kei artists. Finishing the image depressed me quite a bit because looking at the finished product made me realize how I just don't have the touch.

I was about to put away all my art materials when I remembered a joke I told a friend about me drawing a picture of her. So I decided to just keep some pencils (an hb, a 6b and a 2b) and a page from the sketch pad. And then sketched. I finished the pencil sketch this evening and looking at it, I saw that I actually improved. I compared the drawing to the one I did for class which was of Utada Hikaru and well at least now, it has a semblance of the person I was trying to draw.

I guess tonight was just one of those moments where you learn more things about yourself. While I understand that I do not have the innate gift that God seemed to have provided to a whole lot of my friends (which I admit makes me envious), I also gained the feeling that I do not suck as much as I think I do.

Let Me Go, Let You Go...

2008-03-16T01:51:00.002+08:00

These days I'm probably thinking and reflecting about the things that are happening to me and around me using more brain cells than I usually do. I attribute it to the fact that I don't really have any academic concerns due to my impending graduation which leads my brain cells to have more "thinking power" than I usually give.

(here is a yahoo messenger conversation by someone who reacted to my status message. I can't remember what message it was exactly but it was one of those sentimental love messages that I happened to like and I just placed as my status)

Cel: youre always in love
micogold: nah
Cel: doesnt the endorphins go away?
micogold: it would have been great if i was
Cel: good for you
micogold: haha
Cel: lol
micogold: sana nga in love na lang ako, kaso wala eh haha
Cel: i just assumed since yung stat mo palagi senti, as if youre always madly in love with someone haha
Cel: or maybe youre just in love with love
micogold: i think im in love with love
Cel: thats good i guess haha, though it might leave you always hoping
micogold: haha not really, maganda lang naman ang linya, di ko naman isinasapuso
Cel: ahhh hahaha

And after that, I read a book called Uh-Oh Some observations from both sides of the Refrigerator Door by Robert Fulghum. In it was a line which I later learned came from a song.

Falling in Love with Love is falling for make-believe! Falling in Love with Love is playing the fool!

And Fulghum commented: "Right. Count us all in. At Least once. How else could we know it's true."

Yeah, count me in...

As for the title of this post, it came from an anime. It's an instrumental rock piece that came from Kacho Oji (also known as Oji the Section Chief or Legend of Black Heaven) I rediscovered it in my collection as I was cleaning my hard drive.

For some reason the piece brings to me a lonely, sentimental mood while at the same time enticing me in a way to start falling in love again. Perhaps if someone would be able to watch the show and see the context of the song being played in the story, one would understand better why I feel the way I do...

I know that I've only been in one serious relationship in my entire life and I may not be an expert in it. But I believe that I've had my fair share of ups and downs and joy and hurt that would enable me to say a few things about it.

A few days ago, I chanced upon something that made me wonder about how one should approach the coming of love. Perhaps what I'm trying to say is that moment when one begins to realize the development of a potential relationship.

More often than not people try to abstract it, and then begin to weigh the pros and cons, and then decide from there. And while this is quite useful I guess, I tend to believe that it is quite unnatural for people to be doing this. As what I learned in Philosophy class said, Sometimes abstraction (from what i understand it's taking the experience out of the context of our common understandings and working from there, err that's why I only got a C+ in Philo...) tends to desiccate the experience. This is what I think happens when it is so obvious that love (or whatever it is that I'm talking about right now) is already present between the two but then people decide to just step away and say it's not right, or it's not worth it or other similar things.

I beleive that when God blesses you with the opportunity to experience loving and being loved, the proper response to it is to seize the day, grab the opportunity, hold it and never ever let go...

Perhaps I say these things because I myself would want that blessing... not only the experience of being in love with love but being in love with somene and being loved by someone. Perhaps the context of the song (roughly explained, a love that could never be...) is something close to me as well.

What I wouldn't give for that opportunity to be able to love her or to be loved by her...

So yeah, Let Me Go, Let You Go...

Ewan

2008-02-22T15:00:00.000+08:00

I have no idea what exactly I am feeling right now.

I just had my last college class today and it does feel a little weird. They said final days are a kind of bittersweet moments. And right now, to be quite honest about it, I'm still searching for the sweet part of it.

I took a walk around the campus after my Philosophy class. I know it was quite sentimental on my part, but I can't help it.

I wanted to write something about this last things but I'm still a bit shellshocked by everything. So just wait for the next one.

Welcoming the Year

2008-02-09T22:52:00.000+08:00

A Post that's long overdue. I got quite busy with so much school work that I kept on postponing this entry. I've been on a hectic schedule this past few weeks but since I'm procrastinating in doing my LS part this very moment I finally found the time to write it.

So Happy 2008! (wops medyo outdated na)
Happy Chinese New Year! (okay mas recent pero late pa rin hehe)

So this is my hmm kinda annual year in review thingie. I really like making this post, it's something that's fun to read and go back to as the years pass. It's like a reminder of events emotions and experiences that I had during a whole year. A time capsule in a blog. That and it's also quite nice to be able to have an outlet to say thanks to the people who played a big part in my year.

The start of the year was quite hectic. The first three months were filled with POM and Finance exams, the Pom paper, a Mesh Wifi paper, a movie that needed to be shot, philosophy orals, dream projects and the irritating (but amusing?) creative journals. It was stressful but fortunately I was still able to get a decent grade after all of this.

Being in comtech, I still had to take summer classes after the sem. So instead of rest and relaxation (which a whole lot of my friends and batch mates were doing) I was stuck in a classroom to discuss economics and politics. It wasn't that hard really, it was even quite enjoyable except for the waking up at 7:30am for an economics quiz everyday part.

It was also my first time to volunteer for the ORSEM. It was a great experience. It was quite tiring but the freshman block that I was a part of were really friendly and easy to handle.

The first semester of my fourth year in college was probably the second lightest that I had (the lightest goes to the first semester of the second year). It was light because of the presence of electives and since I'm not minoring I was able to pick electives that I liked and not ones that were "required". It also helped that I got very kind professors as well as a nice schedule (thanks to the1 flawed AISIS system at that time, my random number sucked but it came and saved the day). It was also a time of groupworks and for some reason this was the sem wherein I wasn't really able to be with the people who were my usual group mates. But all the people I worked with (some I even met for the first time because of the group) were responsible and reliable which really helped lighten the load.

The second semester was a whole different ball game. It was filled with papers left and right, from ls to theology to philosophy to feature writing (duh?) and of course CTK. The only thing that does not require a paper was my drawing and painting class. This time though, I was "reunited" with my usual groupmates so at least that helps out a lot.

During the last month of the year, I was in a way able to rekindle memories of the past that I seem to have forgotten. Ms. Fay invited me to her birthday party and well things turned out pretty well. Seeing my old teachers and being with former classmates made me remember my high school days.

It was also during this year's christmas break that my cousin came to visit. It was great hehe he really should visit us more often. Or perhaps I should work on visiting them. Well whichever comes first I guess.

Ayun isang taon nanaman ang lumipas, gaya ng mga lumipas na taon halo halong emosyon ang nadama. May masaya, may malungkot, may nakakatuwa at may nakakainis. Lahat lahat yun ay nagsama upang bigyan ako ng isang makabuluhang taon at umaasa ako na ganito rin maligaya ang susunod at mga susunod na taon.

-James Wyson:
err see previous years? Default naman na hahaha lagi naman kitang kailangan pasalamatan haha basta Salamat yun na yun
-Mich Cruz, Kathy Calilao, Luigi Singson:
Sa taon yun napakadalas nating magkasama, salamat sa pagsama at pakikisama sa akin. Masayang karanasan ang mga pagtambay natin doon sa mateo steps.
-Hans Huvalla:
CS 31, POM 102, FIN 104, ECO 111, POS 100, CS 156, LS 100, COM 142, LS 125 at CTK 41. Lahat yan magkaklase tayo hehe Hindi pa kasama dyan yung mga class na same prof tayo haha Salamat sa pagsama at sa pagbahagi ng iyong mga kaalaman.
-Richmond Fang, Alex Junia, Deneb Plazuela, Jelyn Baccay, Micci Venzon:
CTK and LS groupmates! Dun pa lang dapat na kayong Pasalamatan haha. Isipin niyo na lang ang mga make or break papers sa huling taon ng klase at napili niyo ako upang isama sa grupo.
-Tracy Ong:
(english naman para maintindihan niya kung mabasa niya to) Thanks for the notes and staying up with me during those hellish marathon cramming study sessions/magazine creations hehe (LS 100, CS 176, THEO 141 and 151, and the drawing class come to mind) and even if we just joke about kicking each other's ass, It really helps in pushing me to do more so thanks.
-En Estrada, Macky Siazon, Cess Cuartero, Jill Tan, Flo Co, Gab Gabriel:
THEO 151 Groupmates. Salamat sa pagtanggap sa akin hehe at kahit na hindi tayo originally magkakakilala salamat at nakagawa pa rin tayo ng isang magandang presentation (B+ nga eh) hehe
- Other Groupmates:
hehe karamihan kasi nasabi ko na sa itaas. pero dun sa mga hindi nadamay. Alam niyo naman ako, magtratrabaho ako pero siyempre iba pa rin yung may tumutulong sayo at may mga kasama ka. So salamat!
- Sir PJ Strebel
ibang klaseng klase. Natuto ako hindi lang talaga nagreflect sa grades ko haha pero seryoso natuto talaga ako. Sabi nga raw ni Mark Twain "i will not let schooling interfere with my education". So kahit na C+ lang ako sa 102 at C na lang sa 103 masasabi ko na talagang may natutunan ako dito.
- Philosophy Classmates
I would have liked to mention everyone's names but then I forgot a lot already hehe. (patay pag nagtrip na magquiz si sir strebel at ako ang natawag lagot tayo) Wala lang gusto ko lang pasalamatan dahil sa pagalala ko sa pangalan nila at pag alala nila ng pangalan ko kahit papano naging bahagi sila ng buhay ko at sana ako naman ay naging bahagi ng buhay nila. Siguro special mention sina Keb, Cat, Patrick, Ane, Kate, Kevz at Pao.
- Sir David Tran
I really enjoyed the classes in CS 175 and 176. Even if the tests were hard :P The Sir Tran experience was really something to enjoy. The grades he gave me were a big plus too!
- Ms. Fay Irasga
Salamat sa Pagimbita sa party.Naging daan ito upang matuto akong lumingon sa pinanggalingan. Siyempre bonus na rin na ang sarap nung pagkain. hehe
- Blockmates:
I know that we don't really get together much. But it still feels nice when you have the feeling that no matter where you go or whatever class you attend, you still have your home block to go back to.
- Block R2 2011
Thanks for allowing me to be a part of your lives. Ibang klaseng experience din pala ang other side ng ORSEM. Salamat sa pagiging makulit at masayahin at masunurin. Ilang beses ko ring nabasa yung isang papel kung saan nakasulat yung mga mensahe niyo para sa akin kapag nagpupulot ako ng mga nakakalat na bagay sa kwarto ko at masaya syang balikan.
-Starbucks Gateway Baristas
I'm not really a coffee person what more if that coffee costs 150 pesos, however last December, i wanted to give that planner to my sister so I started going to starbucks. And well Thanks to the Baristas, specifically Aileen, Liza, Jasper, it made me realize how Starbucks is not just coffee, it's an experience.
EVERYONE:
Ayun Pasensya na sa mga hindi ko napasalamatan, medyo low batt na utak ko hahaa Salamat na lang sa mga hindi ko pa napapasalamatan.

Sana sa susunod na taon kayo naman ang matulungan ko o mabahagian ko ng mga bagay na tulad o higit pa sa mga naibahagi niyo sa akin ngayon taon na to.

Have you felt...

2007-11-05T21:23:00.000+08:00

the unforgettable instant when everything started to make sense even as absolutely nothing was making sense?

Moonriver...

2007-11-02T00:08:00.000+08:00

Moon River, wider than a mile,
I'm crossing you in style some day.
Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker,
wherever you're going I'm going your way.

Buildings

2007-11-01T19:55:00.000+08:00

I really like this work of mine for me it's like it came from a comic book or a 3d scale model.

What really made me enjoy it was the fact that I was able to (well at least in my opinion) pull off the perspective. As well as the shadow's lights and all those things. It is not too cartoony and well it's pretty easy on the eyes.

I would have wanted it with colors but I had some trouble in giving light and shade to color objects so grayscale for now.

Name

2007-11-01T19:51:00.000+08:00

Saw this style in a picture once. I liked the look it seemed uhm well "Gummy" so i was amused when I saw a tutorial on how to make this thing so with no word coming to mind, I just decided to use my name for it.

Octo

2007-11-01T19:32:00.000+08:00

Pen tool practice hehe.

After a friend saw my Love Me. Please? work She told me that I should continue doing it. I thought why not? and decided to try my hand at making a different pen tool created creature. And the end thing was Octo.

Actually the octopus wasn't that hard to do. It was the bubbles that gave me trouble. I used a tutorial for that and I guess it looks pretty good for a cartoon bubble.

Tiles

2007-11-01T19:26:00.000+08:00

I borrowed Hans' graphic design book called breaking the grid, and one of the images there featured well a grid.

I tried to apply the grid in my work and here is what I came up with. The girl is from a picture taken from MAXIM magazine Korea.

This work is basically another practice in figuring out the different Blending options.

Smooth

2007-11-01T19:22:00.000+08:00

Another tutorial based work...

Just the application of around 4 filters I think, and some more layer blending options. It looks nice but honestly, I have no idea where I can use this thing that I learned. I mean it's great as a stand alone wallpaper/focus of a poster but other than that, I have no idea where else I can apply the technique.

Squares

2007-11-01T19:09:00.000+08:00

I was browsing through a graphic design book that I got and saw a design that was quite similar. I tried to interpret it in my own way and that is what happened.

I guess it's not really the final image that is important but what I learned while doing it (yes a terrible excuse for a badly done design).

So what is it that I learned? In this design I became more particular with using the grids (hence the title). I also figured out some uses for using layers as clipping masks. And also the effects of a soft brush.

Vanity Wallpaper

2007-11-01T19:01:00.000+08:00

I saw the lightning tutorial from one of those photoshop tutorial sites and because of my vanity decided to just use it as a background to one of my pictures.

Typical photomanipulation techinques. Lasso tool to get the picture out of the background, Then posterize filter, then colorized it to red, then finally added the lightning thingies...

The size and layout are like that because I made them as a wall paper for my laptop/. Yes vanity indeed.

Save the turtles... Save the world.

2007-11-01T18:53:00.000+08:00

I was tasked with doing the powerpoint for our group's final Theology 151 presentation, our topic was about the pawikans in the Philippines. I needed a turtle to use in the powerpoint, a mascot of some sorts and so I got one from the net, which was basically the easiest and probably most prevalent thing to do.

However I went with a black background with the power point and the image i got from the net had a white square around it. So instead of just cropping/lassoing or magically erasing the background. I went and just pen tooled the whole thing and made a vectorized turtle image hehe, Part of it was a practice for my photoshop thing i guess but the other is the constant reminder of my CS 176 professor about copyright images hehe.

Face 2

2007-11-01T18:46:00.000+08:00

I am part of the school org ACTM and one of my tasks there was to be a hometeam head. Well I added someone by mistake and turns out she was pretty good with doing photoshop work.

I was browsing through her gallery in multiply when I saw her try to transform a pixel based image into a vector style one, I got her source, and tried it out for myself. And well turns out I'm not pretty good, but comparing it with the other one that I made this wasn't too bad.

Her version was actually the whole picture (with the body, background and all) but halfway through working on the face I began to realize how sucky my work was so I mercifully ended it by just doing the head.

Magazine Cover

2007-11-01T18:29:00.000+08:00

I had all the Photoshopped things that I made in a folder here, I haven't upped them since well because I was too lazy.

Well anyway, here is one of the older things that I have made. Since It was done for project 2 of sir David Q. Tran's CS 176 class (electronic publishing). He required us to make a travel magazine.

The cover was probably the only thing that I did well in that project, but well it was enough for a 95 i think so Not too bad I guess.

Basically some filters, and layer blending options for this one. I'm not really a big fan of brown but I guess it fit my chosen topic so I just used it.

You

2007-10-11T22:37:00.000+08:00

Do moth's know that touching the flickering flame of a lighted candle leads to their demise?

I mean...
If you know you are going to get burned, would you still fly towards it?
It is quite easy to say No, to say that one should be rational in these things...

But
What can one do when one is drawn towards the beauty of the light?
How can one resist the gentle warmth and comfort that being around the flame provides?

To fly on is to realize that avoiding the light only leads to darkness.
To fly on is to feel the richness of life.
To fly on is to cherish that fleeting moment of unity.
To fly on is to to hope...

Tell me what does one do when he realizes that he will be burned yet continues to fly on?

Who am I?

2007-09-27T22:02:00.000+08:00

I haven't blogged in a while, schoolwork has made me quite busy... I have no event to talk about I don't have an amazing story to tell either. I think this post is more of a rant, just typing words in white heat. I'm rambling on and on, because I doubt people would understand what I'm talking about but I wouldn't want to seem stupid and talk to myself about it. Well enough of that here goes...

Philosophy, CS 176, a website creation test and my Computer's collection of Hardware and Software made me realize something about myself... I don't know who I really am.

A little background:

CS 176 is my Major Elective. It is electronic publishing. I joined the class for a couple of reasons, the first of which is to be with my friends (they were required to take this class) the other is to improve on the talents that I thought I had when it comes to computer design skills. However, after a couple of projects and tests I realized that this artisitc talent is not really in me.

Friends of mine, especially those that I have worked with, have that impression that when it comes to these stuff (photoshopping and the like) that I'm pretty good. I think they miss the fact that the perceived skill that I have is not really talent but more of equipment.

My computer is basically wired for hardware-intensive graphic applications (a pretty good offshoot of wanting a gaming rig) and well the works that I have done are really just products of having better software to be able to handle those tasks as compared to my peers. I now wonder, if my friends had access to the same equipment that I'm using, the same access to the friends that taught me how to operate these things how good could their work be?

So how does this all play out into me not knowing who I am?

During Philosophy class, Mr. Strebel told us an anecdote, an artist who created masterpiece after masterpiece, then suddenly fell into a slump that he can't get out of and he begins to question himself, Who am I? am I really an artist? and maybe he begins to realize that he was not able to get out of a slump because he isnt really an artist to begin with.

Which is what I believe is slowly happening to me. That realization that I don't know who I am.

Perhaps if I ask people who know me, sa palagay mo ba ano ako? I'm betting that most would answer a techie guy, good with computers and stuff or something similar. But when faced with challenges such as that online web test, apparently I'm not as good as they and I thought.

My friend said, Mico ano lang yan parang jack of all trades, master of none... And it could be true but remember being an ok web designer, an ok graphic artist, an ok whatever would not be given as much consideration when compared with a great designer, a great artist or a great whatever else.

a jack of all trades, being versatile or just being mediocre.

So I Started asking myself what the heck am I really good at? What is that thing that could help me find that starting point to know myself? Up to now I still haven't found an answer...

Face

2007-08-26T13:34:00.000+08:00

An attempt to make a vector art face failed because of the details.

I basically just assembled shape layers, I didn't touch them after they looked like a face so of course it would lack details.

The eyes lack shine. The hair seems pasted on, everything looks bad.The nose is extremely bad, i didn't realize that just making the nostrils in a different color would have been enough to give the impression of a nose, but i didn't know that yet when I was doing the face so there.

This image sucks...

Love Me. Please?

2007-08-24T19:52:00.000+08:00

I had been doing this Poring (from ragnarok online) rip-off since this morning (I even changed the wall paper at my school computer to one of my creations) however I had always used the paint brush to draw the eyes and mouth, but tonight I tried to make a different look.

When I was looking at my work, I thought that the eyes that I made seemed to had that sad look, something like its pleading for something. Because of that I thought of putting in tears, so i used the pen tool to try to create a tear like shape and there, I also thought of putting a statement that would match the eyes and Love me. Please? popped into my head.

Now all the critters that I've made previously were simple, just that weird roundish shape, which was quite easy since you basically had to make a circle and just manipulate the points, but now that I had a statement, I wanted the creature to hold a sign bearing that statement, and so I had to figure out how to give him "arms" which was quite a trouble since I really didn't have a great command of the mouse. Well here was my effort.

Challenge 3

2007-08-23T15:38:00.000+08:00

I saw the technique somewhere, I really can't remember where but well here's my rendition of it.

I used the picture of the Freshman R2 Block since it was the first picture that I saw in the folders haha, I hope they won't mind me using their faces for this challenge.

Splitting the picture was done quite easily, the problem spot was trying to make thumbtacks using the pen tool, but i guess i was able to do ok.

Challenge 2

2007-08-23T09:43:00.000+08:00

I'll consider my previous image (You have stolen my heart) as the first so this is going to be number 2.

I don't know where i got the line, I don't remember hearing it from any movie or reading it from somewhere but well it was in my mind at the time I opened up photoshop so well here it is.

As I said the challenge isn't really about beauty but trying to learn more about photoshop from tools to techniques so there. And I guess 1 hour was too much for this haha, this was quite simple so I guess I just used up half of that hour.

Challenge Thyself

2007-08-22T19:00:00.000+08:00

I've been playing around with photoshop these days. I guess part of it is attributed to boredom, another part is wanting to improve my skills. I guess I'm also subconsciously telling myself that I don't need to buy a pen and a tablet. I saw one a few days ago and I wanted to purchase something similar so I guess through playing with photoshop I'm trying to prove to myself that I could create something nice without having to purchase that pen and tablet.

So I decided to challenge myself, I have to make a graphic each day. I decided that for it to be not too time consuming for me, I'd limit it to an image done within an hour. Through this exercise I hope that I'd be able to improve my skills, my creativity and save myself a few thousand pesos.

You have stolen, you have stolen my, You have stolen my heart...

2007-08-20T22:19:00.000+08:00

Dashbored mode...

I was bored and was just listening to some Dashboard Confessional songs. Not really sure if I can relate to the song, but it popped into my playlist and since I had half an hour before my download was finished and I wasn't really in the mood to do anything productive, I decided to create a very very simple picture based on the song.

I know its not really a beautiful image but if I had money I'd make a t-shirt out of that design. Haha I don't know i think it's also inspired by a shirt that I saw somewhere...

Mico, Theology and Philosophy...

2007-08-18T21:25:00.000+08:00

Cast:
Mico
Kobe (the persian cat)
isang ipis...

Siguro mga alas tres na ng umaga noon, gising pa ako dahil sa proyekto sa aking CS 176 Electronic Publishing na klase. Sumasakit na ang mata ko sa pagharap sa monitor ng Computer kaya napagdesisyonan ko munang tumayo at maghilamos.

Habang naglalakad ako papunta sa banyo, ay may nadatnan akong ipis na naglalakad lakad sa sahig sa may pintuan ng banyo. Dahil nakatuon ang pansin ng ipis sa kung ano man, hindi na niya napansin na may tao sa likod niya. Siguro ay "instinctual" na, agad agad akong nagangat ng paa at kinuha ang aking tsinelas. Sinipat ko ang ipis at umamba na ako upang hatawin ang walang kamalay malay na ipis. Ang ipis ay salot period, no return no erase. At dahil salot ito ay kailangan nang puksain.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit pero sa pagkakataong yaon, biglang sumagi sa isipan ko ang theology 151... "God's creatures" nga raw... Iniisip ko, hindi naman siguro demonyo ang lumikha sa ipis at marahil ay may nakalaang plano para sa kanya at sa mga tulad pa niyang peste sa buhay ng tao. Sumagi na rin ang Pilosopiya sa utak ko, kasalanan ba ng ipis ang kanyang pagkilos ng ganon. Ang pagkilos niya na itinuturing nating peste ay ang siyang pagkaipis ng ipis na ito. Naisip ko tuloy nasa kabuuan ba ng pagkatao ang pagpatay sa ipis? kung papatayin ko ang ipis na ito, mas nagiging tao ba ako?

Dahil sa pagiisip ko ay nagpasya akong hayaan na lang ang ipis... at dumiretso na ako sapag pagpasok sa banyo at paghilamos.

At paglabas ko eto ang eksenang tumambad sa aking paningin...

Mula sa isang sulok ay nandun si kobe, ang persian cat. Marahil ay nagising dahil sa pagbukas at sara ko ng pinto ng banyo. Nandun sya, nagmamasid, sinisipat-sipat ang ipis na hanggang ngayon ay nakatambay pa rin sa sahig. Pagkilos ng ipis ay dali-daling nilundag at inapakan ng pusa ang ipis. Durog... at tila hindi pa nakunteto rito ay pinagpasapasahan sa kanyang apat na paa ang unti-unting nawawatak watak na insekto. At ng masiyahan na sya ay bumalik sa kanyang sulok at natulog...

Ayun, natapos ang buhay ng ipis... Nadali siya ng isa pang Nilikha ng Panginoon, isang pusa na nagpapakapusa...

1255

2007-08-18T21:01:00.000+08:00

Simple Joys...

Last friday I got really bored, I guess I grew tired of studying philosophy, grew tired of sitting still in front of a computer, grew tired of inactivity and decided to go out and exercise.

Exercise = Video Arcade...

of course not the typical sit on the stool, mash the buttons while rotating the joystick type, I decided to play Dance Maniax. You know the machine where in there are 8 sensors and you have to swipe your foot and/or hand according to the prompts on the screen and the beat of the music.

Being a gold card member in TimeZone entails a free game in one of their yellow swiper equipped machines and luckily Dance Maniax is a yellow swiper game.

The dance maniax machine that they have in Timezone gateway was the older version, I didn't really like it but I had no choice I guess. So I swiped and played...

I did the start-select thingie to choose Center (better control and view for me) trial mode (to be bale to get a good rank), and left the other options were left untouched.

After a few minutes of swiping, slipping, "grooving" and generally looking like an idiot who takes his games too seriously boom

1255 combo - S Rank - Machine ranking: 1st

finally finished a club mix trial mode without commiting any misses...

Haha

Simple joys indeed...

Driver's Low

2007-07-29T20:35:00.000+08:00

~~I'm in the coolest drivers high...~~

1. July 14, 2007: Unang araw ng SS area napagisipan ko na pagkatapos ng SS area bibisitahin ko ang mga freshie na kasama ko nung nag Log ako nong orsem at pagkatapos ay gym sa moro. Dinala ko ang auto dahil hassle magbitbit ng sobrang daming gamit...

Ayos naman noong pauwi na pinasok ko ng paatras yung kotse pasok na at nung ipwinepwesto ko na lang yung pwit nung auto ay boom...

ayun good job...

2. July 20. 2007
Nagdala ako ng laptop sa school, at dahil mahirap magcommute ng may kargang laptop naisip ko na dalin yung auto... Ayos naman ang buhay umulan kaya nagpatila muna ako. Umuwi ako ng mga 6:00 at noong ipapasok ko na ang kotse, di ko natantay yung biglang bagsak nung auto at bang

[Wala nang larawan masyadong katangahan ang nangyari]

nasabit sa pader yung right rear door ko ayun pucha warak na warak...

Hayy sayang ang 4,000. Siguro mas sayang ay yung nawalang confidence sa paghawak ng manibela...

* July 28, 2007 ayos na ang auto, maayos naman ang trabaho at di na halata ang mga tama sa pintuan at sa bumper. Ang kumpiyansa ko na lang ang medyo tagilid ngayon, pero catch-22 yan eh, parang paano ka magkakakumpiyansa ng hindi mo dala yung auto, at pano ka magdadala ng auto kung wala kang kumpiyansa? Kailangan ko pa man din yung auto sa darating na linggo sana by that time ayos na ang utak ko...

Missed Shots...

2007-07-02T12:16:00.000+08:00

Nakapaglaro akong muli ng soccer nung sabado. Matagal tagal na rin na panahon ang lumipas ng huling maglaro ako nito (ayan ay kung hindi kasama ang futsal). Siguro ang huling laro ko ay nung unang summer ko sa ateneo kung san nakisali ako sa isang laro doon sa field nung pauwi na ako, pero di ko maturing na ibilang ito dahil wala lang yun haha nakapantalon ako noon at ang sapatos ko pa ata yung mga tipong casual walking shoes lang.

Ayun nga naaya ako ni Luigi na maglaro, akala ko nung una mga tipong pick up game lang kung saan ang mga kasali ay mga kung sino sinong naimbitahan lang na maglaro mga tipong wala lang pilian lang ng kampi, kaso ang naging kalaro namin ay maituturing na isang buong team hehe ang mga manlalaro nila ay galing ng iba't ibang bansa tulad ng india/myanmar/korea hehe meron naman kaming 2 import na Japanese.

Masaya rin naman kaso marahil sa tagal ko na na hindi naglalaro sobrang bano na ng galaw ko. Wala na sa tyempo yung mga pasa, di na matantya yung distansya ng bola at kung ano ano pang kabanuan haha Pero masaya din naman dahil kahit papano laro yun, at ang bait at ang kasayang kalaro nung mga nakasama ko.

Missed shots.. mga sayang na pagkakataon, iniwan ko ang camera ko at sayang dahil sa palagay ko maraming possibleng magagandang larawan ang makukuha doon sa araw na yun. Kaya simula ngayon sa bawat labas ko siguro ay dapat ko na talagang bitbitin tong camera na to.

Knockout...

2007-06-26T13:42:00.000+08:00

Alam mo yung sa boxing? yung tipong babanatan ka ng jab tapos biglang kombinasyong ng kanan at kaliwa tapos tatapusin ka ng isang matinding hook at yun knockout...

Nagising ako ng mga bandang 8 ng umaga (tumunog ang bell) sakto lang para sa 9:30 class ko CS 176: Electronic Publishing with David Tran as Prof. Ayos naman sana to eh, kaso hindi pa kami umaabot sa hand's on part so isang oras ng lecture na hindi ko rin masyadong maintindihan. Pero dahil maaga aga pa ayun kinakaya pa naman (parang jab lang).

Sunod naman yung Theo 151 with Mr. Dy-Liacco. Bible talk + lecture (bumanat ng straight) mukhang nayanig ako at nakaramdam ng antok hehe buti na lang kinaya pa, di naman ako natumba:

(Class room)
Prof: Discussion tungkol sa Amos sa bibliya chapter 3 ata yun
Ako: (inaantok antok at halos tulog na yung tipong nakapikit na at nahuhulog hulog na yung ulo)
Prof: Mr. Ruiz, do you go to prostitute houses after sunday mass?
Ako: huh? NO sir no,
Prof: Good Afternoon.

buti na lang kahit papano may malay pa ako nun kung di matinding kahihiyanan na

Tapos Philo 103 boom nagsasalita si sir strebel nalunod na ako boom para akong na straight ulit hindi man lang ako nakabawi sa tama kanina sa theo hehe pero di namanako natodo sa durog dahil may break pa ako.

Knockout punch yung tatlong oras na LS 100, hahay 6-9 pa talaga badtrip talaga yang ls department mag assign ng oras para sa amin. Di man lang kami binagyan ng matinong pagpipilian, kung hindi 6-9 na lunes, 6-9 na biyernes o kaya 9-12 na sabado, badtrip

paguwi ko pa di ko trip yung ulam haha kaya ayun knockout na

Tueday's 1-2 Punch: ITM 122 and CS 156

2007-06-26T13:40:00.000+08:00

've been sitting in front of a computer for 4 hours and 30 minutes straight. Normally this would have been perfectly ok as I had been known to really sit and stare at a monitor for hours, however in this situation the computers are not equipped with computer games and I'm also not typing a paper for class. I could choose to listen to the discussion that is happening in front but what are the chances of that?

ITM 122's course name seemed like fun, ITM 122: Gaming and Management Games, well after 2 meetings we havent really started playing any games yet, hopefully things would pick up next week/meeting.

CS 156 is Management of Communications Technology, it's quite a boring class filled with lectures and powerpoint slides save for the occasional quips from the prof..

On the flipside at least I get to blog again, haven't really been active in doing that, I'm also planning on fixing the layout of both my blog and multiply account but I haven't got the time to do that yet.

Cross Posting

2007-06-25T12:49:00.000+08:00

I finally realized that Cross posting between blogger and multiply is now working, I do remember a few months back that Beta Blogger (when google accounts where needed for blogger) was not quite compatible with the multiply cross post option so now it works so sorry for the deluge of posts coming from my previous blogger posts hehe was too lazy to uncheck any of them.

http://Golden-X.Blogspot.Com
http://micogold.multiply.com

Firsts...

2007-01-09T23:14:00.000+08:00

Today marked a lot of firsts in my life I guess...

First time that we had a free cut in philosophy. Sir Strebel didn't arrive within the 15 minute timeframe usually given as allowance for teachers before declaring that the class is already a free cut. Kinda cool since this was the first time in nearly 1 and a half semester that Sir just didn't show up.

Today was also the first time I participated in an IAC semifinal basketball game. We ended up losing by 12 (44-32) and I played the last 30 seconds of the 3rd quarter. Not that I'm complaining but well there went my dreams of being the Sasha Vujacic against Dallas for the day.

Firsts... While I was in the Gym, (well actually papunta sa beverage bar) may nasilayan akong isang familiar face... A face that I haven't seen since the day we broke up... kinda funny to meet her here though hehe in ateneo of all places, i do remember our time together when she avoided going here hehe changes i guess.

2007

2007-01-01T23:49:00.000+08:00

Ayun natapos ang 2006...

Masasabi ko na isa na ang taong nagdaan sa pinaka aktibo (?) o action filled (?) na taon sa buhay ko. Maraming mga pangyayari ang naganap noong nagdaang taon, mga pangyayaring nagpasaya, nagpalungkot, nagpabagabag, nagpaexcite at nagpagulo sa akin. Sa loob ng nakalipas na labindalawang buwan, mayroon akong mga nakilala, nalaman, nawala, natagpuan.

Siguro ang makakapag summarize lang ng lumipas na taon ay ang linyang madalas naming ginagamit ng mga kaibigan ko kapag nagbibiruan kami. Madalas naming masambit ang mga salitang

"Para kang sinampal sa mukha ng katotohanan"

Ang nagdaang taon ay isang Right-Left Combination ng katotohanan sa mukha ni Mico Ruiz.

Ang nagdaang taon ay nagpamulat sa akin sa mga bagay bagay tulad ng

Some of them are:
* The fine line between being understanding and being stupid.
* How every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end.
* How you can't force people to like you or your work. (HSBC)
* How interest is the key to studying. (CS 30)
* That faith must be a personal conviction and not blind belief imposed by my parents (Sir Dacillio, Fr. Rex, Luigi)
* Sometimes hanging back and just being a good soldier works (Gerald and Statistics project)
* Sometimes taking charge could do wonders as well (CS 30 presentation)
* Teamwork is the key to philosophy orals... (Luigi and Keb)
* All nighters are discouraged but are quite amusing if you got other people staying up as well (Thanks to Pau, Tracy, Khristian)
* kailangan mo ng mga matitinong kausap kapag ang gulo gulo na nang mundo (thanks to jeerah, james, iyah, luigi)
* Minsan naman beer ang kailangan mo (Shout out to: Khristian, Vanjo, Chris, Bianca, Tal, Chino)
* The mind is such a wonderful thing to waste hehe (Finance, Marketing, OPMAN)
* It actually feels good to work out...
* when all else fails, sleep

Ayun sana mas masaya sa 2007

Slow unsteady...

2006-12-28T23:46:00.000+08:00

marami ako sanang gustong blog post, pero mukhang may problema ang dsl connection ko, sa download speeds ko na 2kbps talo pa ako ng dial up, pero sa websites naman steady lang, must have something to do with the servers and the routing topology (ayan nagamit ko na yung cs 30 at 31 sa buhay ko) one of the minor troubles brought about by the earthquake...

well anyways i'll probably up some posts before my break ends...

Iris...

2006-12-11T23:56:00.000+08:00

For some reason, i got very addicted to hearing the song Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls again...

And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything seems like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

I got some videos from youtube. iris by Yvan Lambatan from PDA aws a heartfelt performance. iris sung in a concertm in a tv show, even one rendition by the Goo Goo Dolls with Avril Lavigne. But I got one video which had Johnny Rzeznik explaining how the song happened...

He explaing that he made it really for the movie, he wrote it while he was in the eyes of the lead character ( oh yeah the movie was city of angels) however he realized that it was quite applicable to a multitude of situations...

However i still don't know why the song is called IRIS. Probably something related to seeing, others say that there was a girl named iris and the song was for her.

Personally I think i's the former (And I don't want the world to SEE me) but well a song is interpreted in many ways so who knows?

Rant...

2006-12-11T00:48:00.000+08:00

Marami akong gustong sabihin o ikwento pero eto na lang muna...

Isa sa mga pinapanood ko (hindi ko maituring na sinusubaybayan dahil hindi naman ako regular na manonood ng programa) ay yung Pinoy Dream Academy. Isa sa mga nagustuhan kong contestant (o scholar) ay yung si Yvan.

Siya yung pinakagusto ko, ngunit hindi ko naman masabing siya yung pinakamagaling (siguro ang pinakamagaling yung Panky o yung Yeng). Tapos natanggal siya kasama ni Rosita nung Sabado. Si Rosita para sa akin ayos lang, parang tila panggulo siya eh hehe pero si Yvan magaling eh.

So ayun natanggal, at saktong sakto ang ganda ng birit niya ng Iris nung matanggal siya.

Kaso naisip ko oo contest ito at talagang may matatanggal pero parang naisip ko, ano nga ba talaga ang PDA, isa ba itong talent search o popularity search lang. Kasi kung ibabase sa performance grades

Scholars:	Ave.
Yvan	8.48
Panky	8.47
Yeng	8.14
Irish	8.03
Ronnie	8.01
Chad	7.90
Jay-R	7.83
Rosita	7.35

(galing sa webstie ng pda)

Kaso yun nga, iisipin din siguro ng management ang marketability ng isang talent, malas lang siguro ni Yvan na hindi siya ganon kataas sa standard ng market pagdating sa kung ano ang gwapo...

hindi ako nagrarant dahil sa injustice or whatever, naalala ko nung panahon nung unang Star Circle Quest, alam ko na medyo wala talagang maipagmalaking talent si Sandara at hirap na hirap siya, pero hehe siya pa rin ang gusto kong maiwan o manalo pa nga.

Pero yun nga minsan siguro kailangan ding tanungin kung ano pa ang silbi ng mga jurors kung ipapaubaya rin lang sa tao ang botohan :)

Daily Delight

2006-12-10T23:24:00.000+08:00

Hindi ka ba nagsasawa, o di kaya'y napapagod sa pagsusulat ng creative journal?

- OO!

Eh bakit mo ginagawa?

- ...grades

Artist Date#2: Singing in the rain

2006-12-10T23:20:00.000+08:00

i went out to hear mass first, but i got tied up a bit and was too late for the mass. So i just went to the arcade and played my heart out... However, my body was still a bit sore from the workout last thursday, skating last firday, workout again yesterday, so iwasn;t really moving well in the dance maniax machine.

So I just ent out of the arcade and allowed my feet to take me where it wants to go, it led me to shopwise, so there I just put on my music player and went around the aisles without having any purpose, just enjoyin the airconditiong and my music.

As I got tired, I just picked up some snacks and headed for the register, After I paid and went out, I saw tat it was raining, However, I was not one who would waste time inside the store so I braved the rain.

While I was walking through the streets, the song as lovers go played on my ipod. For some reasonm, i got so immersed in the song that I was singing out loyd while walking through the rain, oblivious of the people around me...

Daily Delight

2006-12-09T23:14:00.000+08:00

Good looks > Talent
Talent < Marketability

Yan ang naintindihan ko mula sa show na Pinoy Dream Academy. Putangina, hindi lang dahil yung Yvan yung gusto ko pero ang sablay talaga ng dating na palibhasa mas gwapo at mas ma-appeal yung ibang contestant nabalewala na yung quest for talent.

Sabagay kung may magtetext sayo= may bibili ng album (?) ganon siguro yung thiunking behind it.

Pero parang naging payamanan ng fans ang laban, kung may pera ka text lang, kung wala talo...

Medyo sablay to para sa aking panlasa, pero ganon eh, ganon ang takbo ng utak ng tao, kung sinong manok mo, yun na yun, wala ng talent talent...

Nagpagupit ako kanina...

Dati mahaba
Umikli ng onti
Humaba uliut
Maikli ng Konti
Maikli na

- partly because I wanted a new look
- partly because she wanted it shorter
-partly because I'm mpulsive and just wanted to have something to do...

Probably one of the fastet time between 2 cuts that I had, i guess my hairstyle lasted about 3 weeks.

I like my hair now, though I kinda miss the lenght hehe... My hair grows fast anyway so I'ts gonna be fine...

I wanna go boxing...

Daily Delight

2006-12-08T23:11:00.000+08:00

Alam mo ba na ang December 8 ay ang itinkadang araw upang gunitain ang Immaculate Conception of the Blessed of the Blessed Virgin Mary...

Ang December 8 ay itinakdang holiday of obligation ng simbahang katoliko. Ibig sabihin requirement ang pagsimba sa araw na ito. Sa isang taon mayroon lamang tatlong holidays of obligation. (Ang hindi pagpinta sa simbahan/pagsimba sa mga araw na iyo ay kasalanan at dapat ikumpisal).

In my theory, the church requires you to attend only three (tres, 3, tatlo, san) masses. But the class in Ateneo... requires me ti write 3 pages everyday?

How's that for perspective???

Daily Delight

2006-12-07T23:59:00.000+08:00

Finance... Anak ng Torotot namang finacne yan, parang accounting, the remix. Pucha naman, kahit papano gets ko pa kaso barely, just barely. Onting dagdag na lang wala na malalaglag na ako.

Minsan iniisip ko kung magagamit ko nga ba itong finance na to sa buhay ko. I'm in Comtech, Communications Technology Management, pero wala sa tatlong yan ang gusto ko talagang gawin sa buhay.

Ang gusto ko talaga (eto no joke) maging professional video game player. Balita ko sa ibang bansa (Korea ata yun) mala-michael jordan daw ang kasikatan, at may pera din Naisip ko parang napalapit din ako sa pangarap ko ng maging athlete kaso hindi sports, medyo videogames naman. ISipin mo parang basketball player lang. Practice drills laro ng bola araw araw. Ganon din siguro ang professional videogame player, practiceng laro, drills at maghapong laro ng video game.

Ika nga:

"Binabayaran ka para gawin ang ang bagay na ikaw mismo ay magbabayad para lamang magawa mo ito"

Kung matutupad to, siguro ang game na pipiliin ko yung NBA LIve, siguro sobrang maaliw ako na lumaban sa maraming klase ng manlalaro, Nba Live kasi hindi ako nagsasawa dito, Nba live kasi gusto kong magkaroon ng pagkakataon na lumaban sa mga taong manlalaro at hindi Cpu Lang.

Kung di naman NBA live, game din ako sa Counterstrike, naalala ko na dati maituturing kong magaling sa larong ito. May mga panahaon din dati na sa sobrang adik ko sa larong ito, kulang na lang ako yung magbukas ng Ali Mall at Net venture para makalaro... (hmm side note: san na kaya si sir fred, melanie and friends)

Siguro masaya ding maging professional player ng initial d, kaso yun nga lang di ako magaling dun, di ko pa rin kaya yung mga hair pin curves at mga drifts . Mahal din kasi ang larong to sa arcade.

pwede rin siguri yung dance maniax, kaso parang naging dancer lang ako, at alam kong maraming sobrang galing sumaway sa mundo at wala na rin akong balak na lumahok pa at sumingit sa kanila.

Kung may paraan lang sana na magkaroon ng course na "video game playing" dito sa ateneo eh di shift na ako. Alam ko sa ibang bansa meron eh, kaso kung magkaroon man dito sa 'pinas nun, di ko alam kung paano ko pmapapayag ang nanay ko na yun ang kunin kong kurso...

Daily Delight

2006-12-06T23:44:00.000+08:00

Kahapon nilista ko yung lyrics ng kantang as lovers go. Kasi sobrang nadadama ko yung lyrics nung kanta. Siguro masama rin kaing nabrand ako ulang isang "lirt" o "naglalaro" lang sa panigin niya kaya ayun, rejected. Sabi nga ng kanta "You've got to be crazy, what do you take me for, some kind of easy mark?

Pero ako... seryoso ko, hindi ako tanga para sabihing mahal ko siya o anumang ganong kalokohan. Basta kaya kong sabihin na gusto ko siya, gusto ko siyang kilalanin at subukan pang mas mapalapit sa kanya. kaso yun nga flirting/infatuation lang ang labas nito sa paningin niya.

Magulo ang buhay ko pagdating sa mga ganitong bagay. hindi ko magamit dito yung karaniuwang confidence ko na kaya yan. Siguro kasi sa mga ganitong sitwasyon hindi lang sa akin nakasalalay ang mga bagay na nais kong mangyari.

Sabi dun sa kanta ni Sitti;

"Di kita pipilitin, sundin mo ang iyong damamin hayaan na lang tumibok ang puso mo para sa akin..."

Kaso paano kung hindi titibok ang puso niya para sa akin? Hahayaan ko na lang ba na lumipas yun?

Sabi nga ng Parokya ni Edgar

"At paano kung may contest na sinetup ang tadhana at ang unagn papremyo ay ang makasama ka
Di kaya sayang naman kung di ko man lang susubukan manalo sa paraffle ng tadhana..."

Sinabi rin nila na...

"ang pangarap ay mananatiling panaginip, kung wala akong gagawin upang makamtan ka..."

Of course by choosing one course of action over the other could lead to trouble. IF i force myself to stop, I think im short changing myself, sabi nga nila, " in the same way that you can't force people to like you, you can't force yourself to stop liking others as well.

However imposing my will, my desires on her (that didn't sound too nice) might end up destroying the friendship that we had/have.

Sabi nga sa kanta nung dating spice girl

"i thought that we would just be friends, things would never be the same again"

Daily Delight

2006-12-05T23:38:00.000+08:00

Alam nyo yung kantang "As Lover's Go" ng Dashboard Confessional? Wala parang nakakarelate ako sa kantang yan ngayon.

She said, "I've got to be honest,
You're wasting your time if you're fishin' around here."
And I said, "You must be mistaken,
I'm not foolin', this feelin' is real."
She said, "You've gotta be crazy!
What do you take me for? Some kinda of easy mark?"

"You've got wits,
You've got looks,
You've got passion,
But I swear that you've got me all wrong."

All wrong
All wrong
But you've got me

I'll be true, I'll be useful, I'll be cavalier,
I'll be yours my dear
And I'll belong to you
If you just let me through

This is easy as lovers go.
So don't complicate it by hesitating.
This is wonderful as loving goes.
This is tailormade,
What's the sense in waiting?

I said, "I've got to be honest,
I've been waiting for you all of my life."
For so long I thought I was asylum bound,
But just seeing you makes me think twice.
And being with you here makes me sane.
I fear I'll go crazy if you leave my side.

"You've got wits,
You've got looks,
You've got passion,
But are you brave enough to leave with me tonight?"

Tonight
Tonight
You've got me

I'll be true, I'll be useful, I'll be cavalier,
I'll be yours my dear
I'll belong to you
If you just let me through

This is easy as lovers go. So don't complicate it by hesitating.
This is wonderful as loving goes.
This is tailormade, what's the sense in waiting?

This is easy as lovers go. So don't complicate it by hesitating.
This is wonderful as loving goes.
This is tailormade, what's the sense in waiting?

This is easy as lovers go. So don't complicate it by hesitating.
This is wonderful as loving goes.
This is tailormade, what's the sense in waiting?

Casino Royale

2006-12-04T00:32:00.000+08:00

I have another requirement for my Com class aside from the CJ, it's the artist date... yesterday I went with the family to Gateway to hear mass and eat. After eating, my dad and I decided to watch Casino Royale at the cinema. Now I know that the Artist date is supposed to be done alone but well while in the cinema and the movie was going on my dad and I did not interact with each other so i guess I could call that alone.

I really liked the opening video/introduction thingie, it was cool the way they used the suits of cards as different things from blood to bullets. Probably one of the best movie openings I've seen in a while.

The movie itself now... Well at first the guy didn't really seem Bond-ish to me ,he didn;t seem as suave or sleek as the same guy played by Pierce Brosnan. However when viewed in contrast with other Bonds (Sean connery and others) it seems that Pierce Brosnan is the odd one out. Perhpas its just that I got so used to the pierce brosnan bond that he got stuck as the 007 prototype (even the thomas crown affair seemed Bondish)

The famous bond girls were I guess sexy and pretty however they just don't seem to be my type haha. I guess it's just a matter of preference as I seem to gravitate more towards the fair skinned chinese types of girls (the closest bond girl to this was perhaps Michelle Yeoh)

A disappointment for me was the lack of gadgets in the movie. Well Sony had a lot of in move advertisements through the laptops and cell phones but other than that Bond seemed to lack some of the devices that used to be spy/agent staples.

A big addition to my enjoyment of the movie were the poker scenes, I used to frequent the site Triplejack to have my poker fix and it was quite interesting to think what I would have done had I been the one playing in the game in the movie. Now that I think about it, what about the people that don't enjoy poker?

Daily Delight

2006-12-02T23:31:00.000+08:00

Pakibasa na lang ang nakalipas na entry (daily delight) upang maintindihan kung bakit wala akong itatala...

Malayo pa ang bukas...
TAPOS NA ANG KAHAPON
mahalaga ay ngayon...

Daily Delight

2006-12-01T23:26:00.000+08:00

Walang pasok dahil kay Bonifacio...

Naniniwala ako na ang paaralan ay nandiyan upang doon gawin ang mga gawaing pang paaralan. Kaya ang pang paaralan ay dapat iwan sa paaralan. ang bahay ko ay nakalaan para sa mga gawaing pambahay at may oras akong nilaan para sa paaralan at bahay. Ang oras sa paaralan, at oras sa bay ay bagamat parehong oras, magkaiba sila ng pingkakalaanan.

Kung gumawa ako ng pambahay na gawain sa paaralan (tulad ng pagliwaliw, paglaro, pagdaldal habang nagkaklase) sige patawan mo ako ng kaukulang parusa, at hingin sa akin na ang oras ko pang bahay ay ibigay sa gawaing pangparaalan (tulad ng homework). Ngunit kung binigay ko naman ang hinihingi sa oras ng klase...

Sa totoo lang hindi ako nanaiwala sa Cj na ito dahil ang oras ay laging umaanda at ayaw ko na dumating ang panahon kung saaan magbabalik tanaw ako at maiisip ko na ang oras ko ay ginamit ko sa pasusulat ng mga bagay na nakalipas na imbis na gamiting ito sa pagtuklas at pagdanas ng iba't iba pang mga bagay.

PLUG!

2006-12-01T00:00:00.000+08:00

:) please do help her...

Hey you! I need your help. Please VOTE for my friend, Sha, for this year ARTIC Image Model Search. Just text: ARTIC Sha and send it to 2929. Please pass it on to your friends, too. It'll be a big help. Thanks in advance!

*If you buy one (1) ARTIC Vodka Bottle from participating bars/stores, you get a STUB worth 1000 votes. Just text it to Sha’s name – that’ll be a bigger help! Thanks again.

Daily Delight

2006-11-30T23:25:00.000+08:00

Walang pasok dahil kay reming...

wala rin akong post dahil (makikita sa susunod na daily delight)

Daily Delight

2006-11-29T23:12:00.000+08:00

Paikli na ng paikli ang mga entry ko, marahil ito ay dahil repetitive na at tedious ang long hand writing na ang isnpirasyon ay hindi bumagsak sa klase.

Sino ang tatapos?

2006-11-29T00:13:00.002+08:00

Kahit papano pahina na ang Manny Pacquaio fever na nagsimula nung matalo niya si Morales last week. Di ko pa rin makalimutan na nung araw ng makabalik si Maany sa Pilipinas tipong bayaning bayani ang pagsaalubong sa kanya, nakarinig pa nga ako ng balita na may balak daw magtayo ng monumento ni Manny. Nagkataon namang naguusap kami ni James nung madaling araw na yun at medyo sabog na kaya ganito ang lumabas na usapan:

mico ruiz: narinig ko pala kanina sa tv, magkakamonumento raw si pacman
james wyson: woeh?
mico ruiz : haha oo daw eh
mico ruiz : sana yun na yung bagong point 0
mico ruiz: outdated na si rizal eh
james wyson: bwisit..
mico ruiz: tsaka si rizal naman nagsulat lang
james wyson: ang sama nito
mico ruiz: anong panama niya sa right hook at left hook ni manny

Siyempre ang lahat nito katuwaan lang, pero ayun nga kahit papano sumagi sa isip ko na paano kung palitan ni pacman si rizal bilang pambansang bayani...

Sabi ko pareho lang sila ng kalaban, mga morales, legaspi, fernandez, velasquez at rodriguez mga ganon, mga tunog latino-spanish names. Nasabi ko rin na pareho rin silang lumaban para sa Pilipinas. pareho silang di katangkaran at parehong may bigote.

Tapos dito na nagumpisa ang tirada para kay Manny...

pangangatawan pa lang, si manny tipong tigasin, si rizal kung tutuusin sakitin pa nga raw.

isipin mo 0 crime rate daw tayo nung laban ni pacquiao, tapos sa dami ng Pinoy na pumusta kay manny tapos nanalo siya... aba sa dalawang yan pa lang makikita na naitaas na ni manny ang living conditions sa Pilipinas, (dagdag mo pa yung regalo niya sa baranggay niya kapag pasko)

anong sabi nila multi talented si rizal? fencing/writing/chicboy/smart? Si Manny may boxing/billiards/singing/chicks/at smart telecoms endorsements (with mcdonalds pa)

Eto na lang, sa loob ng 10 segundo magisip at magbigay ka nga ng 2 linya mula sa mga akda ni Rizal? Mahirap ba? Eh ganito kaya, magisip ka at magbigay ng 2 linya mula sa mga kanta ni Manny? (kantahin mo na rin para masaya, counted din dito kung ang sasabihin mo ay ikstrem, ikstrem magec seng)

pero eto seryoso na...

sabi ko nga katuwaan lang to pero sa paguusap namin kahit papano ay sinubukan kong gumawa ng kaso na si Rizal naman ang tatalo kay manny. Nakakahiya mang aminin pero ang bagal ng utak ko pagdating doon, oo nag aral ako ng mga bayani mula ata grade 1-6 at 1st year hs (hi ms. fay) nag history 165 pa ako, (sabi ko nga yayariin ako ng prof ko (si sir gealogo) kapag nabasa niya to) pero wala pa ring kwenta.

siguro ang knockout blow dito ay yung tanong sa akin ni james na...

bakit kapag pinag-aaralan si rizal di ka ganyan kasigasig?

oo, ako ang kabataan na inaasahan ni rizal...

Daily Delight

2006-11-28T23:22:00.000+08:00

Nakapag gym ulit ako kanina, hindi ko alam kung dulot lang ng pacquiao fever pero meron na silang nilaang lugar na para sa boxing ring. Ngayon mas lalo na akong naeenganyong mag boxing training. Siguro pagkalipas ng ilang buwan pa, kapag nak makita ko na na may tiyaga at oras ako para sa ganitong gawain, sasali ako. Oo nga pala may iba pang mga rason para magboxing lessons pero dahil hindi tayo close akin na lang yon.

Nag finance make up class kanina, wala lang hindi siya ganon kaboring dahil naintindihan ko yung lesson. Although the later part of the class super bored na ko (nahalata ko to dahil naglalaro na ako ng rolyo ng double sided tape)

Nakauwi naman ako ng matiwasay at kasulukuyang nagsusulat ng ~~blog~~ cj na to...

Daily Delight

2006-11-27T23:43:00.000+08:00

Gertie (1996-2006)
Woof, woof woof.

Our dog died, It was weird seeing the dog dead, no more barks, whimpers, nothing just a body slumped over the pavement. 10 years is long for a dog I guess.

Her death placed some new perspectives in the way I view life...

1. That being a human in close proximity to me does not necessarily mean I'll have any compassion for you...

Cold as that sounds, it's true. There are people that I could think of right now who I wouldn't give a damn if they rolled over and died, However for our dog, it did touch me in a way where I was looking at her dead body remembering her. I guess this shows that it's not that I'm apathetic or cold or uncaring (because I did think about the dog) It's just that if I don't like a person then i don't.

2. I wanna die in a blaze of glory.

Di ko gustong higa, hingalo tapos patay lang. Siguro if I die, I would want it to happen while doing something I love doing.

Daily Delight 4

2006-11-25T23:38:00.000+08:00

We were asked yesteday to make/sign a contract (contract can be found at the back) at naisip ko na ang inner artist ko ay si calvin bart. Isang artist na pinaghalong Bart Simpson at Calvin mula sa Calvin and Hobbes.

[Calvin Bart di ko pa nagagawa si calvin bart]

Sa totoo lang masasaktan ako kapag may nagbigay ng mababang grado sa akin sa CJ na to. iisipn kong tanga, mangmang at inutil ang magbibigay sa akin ng mababagan g gardo.

Siguroi sapat na yan para sa ngayon, lumalaki na at gumugulo na ang pagsulat ko, nangangahulugan lang na sawa at pagod na ako sa tiniginingining na Cj na to.

Daily Delight 3

2006-11-24T21:48:00.000+08:00

Walang nangyayaring gusto kong isualt dito. kung may problema ka eto lang ang isasagot ko sa iyo.

[larawan ng middle finger ko]

Fuck off...

(mas maganda sana yan kaso dhail hindi ako drawing type makunteto ka na)

Sa totoo lang inis na inis na ako sa journal. Sinasayang mo ang oras ko. mnas gusto ko pang maging creative in other ways, in other places kaysa naman dito ako magbuhos ng oras.

Eto lalakihan ko kasi gusto kong mabasa nung nagrequire sa akin na gumawa ng CJ na to.

Mula sa Breathing ng Lifehouse
EVEN IF YOU DON'T WANT TO SPEAK TONIGHT, THAT'S ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT WITH ME.

EH!!! putcharagis naman, required magsulat ampotek. Three pages pa!!! Buti pa silang nasabihan nyan , ayos lang kung ayaw nila magsalita.

Daily Delight 2

2006-11-23T23:54:00.000+08:00

As with all things, meron pa talagang interest sa umpisa, ang problema lang talaga is maintaining that interest.

Tulad dito, makikita sa unang paragraphs ang maliit na font, kahit papanong maayos na pagkakasunod sunod ng linya sa mga paragraphs. Pero habang patagal ng patagal, lumalaki ang font at spaces, nabababoy ang mga sinulat ko, minsan iniisip kong baguhin pero malay ko ba kung ang putanginang inner artist ko ay sadyang ganito.

Malay ba natin kung ang inner artist ko ay laging ganito o natural na ang inner artist ko ay iritable, sabog magsulat, walang pasensya, magulo ang handwriting at hindi marunong kung klean dapat talaga pumutol ng isang paragraph. Palamura rin ang inner artist ko.

Habang sinusulat ko itoo, lumipad ang promo card ng starbucks. nakuha ko toh sa (duh) Starbucks (tangina alanganamang sa Figaro o Seattle's best di ba?) at naisip ko 21 stickers x 100 (more or less) = 2100 para sa isang planner at insomnia. Putangina naman, gusto ko nung planner kaso isang sticker palang ako.

Kanina bago ako mag 3 hours of accounting part 2 (finance) kumain kami care of hans cyrus sa shakey'. Nandito ang mga larawan gamit ang aking sony 5.1 mp na camera

*htttp://micogold.multiply.com

(Sa dami ng larawa diyan kung ipapaste ko ang ilan tapos na sana ang 3 pages dito) kaya lalaktaw ako ng malaki para hindi naman mainis ang inner artist ko)

Ayan spaat na yan, 3 pages naman na to. Isipin niyo tangina kumpara sa bond paper mas malaki ang sketchpad na 9 x 12.

Daily Delight 1

2006-11-22T23:33:00.000+08:00

Sa totoo lang, hindi ko gusto ang pagsulat ko dito sa creative journal na ito. Naniniwala akong paradox ang sabihing be honest to your creative self while impsoing (no matter how nicely imposed) us to write a 3 page long hand stuff in this journal. i also believe that writing here is killing the very essence of whatever creative juice I have in my body. You see, I believe that creativity is not something that is turned on and off, that its like a river, flowing continously, that thought should flow freely. However to tell us to write when it is not in our hearts to write (at least not for this moment) is similar to putting a dam into the river. Yes it could turn out helpful and perhaps it is for the best, however I think that it still impedes, destroys the river, that the flow's disruption makes the rive lose its enchanting luster. I am very much tempted to not write anything else in this fucked up idea of a creative journal, however I fear for my grade, and I fear that I would not be able to fulfill the requirements of the course.

I also think that this CJ is killing my blog. If I would spend time writing, I would rather do it on my blog than here. I communicate better in that blog instead of here (yes, it's the 1st entry but I know myself( . I do think that after writing the first 3 pages of this CJ, I would stop being very involved in it, and just write things that I want to write in my blog. Because in all reality, my blog is my creative journal. It is where I put myself in , it is where my creativity is, it is where I am in touch with th every essence of my soul, my mind and my heart.

Hate...

is such a beautiful world,

AND I HATE THIS CREATIVE JOURNAL

(Signed)
http://Golden-X.Blogspot.com

I still hate you, but in a way you have helped me figure out a way to integrate the blog features of my multiply, friendster, myspace and others with my main blog. What I'm gonna do is still continue writing in my blog and then just write snippets, previews or other similar forms of teasers then just include the link and the title of the post of my other blogs.

So it would appear like this:

Title: Blah Blah
A post on blah Blah and blah to read more click (link to my blog)

So there, perhaps the CJ is not that stupid after all.

CJ2

2006-11-22T23:00:00.000+08:00

Para maiwasan ang pagkamatay ng blog, ang gagawin ko ay isulat na lang kung anumang nilagay ko sa blog dito sa cj, lahat ng posts na ang titulo ay daily delight ay tumutukoy sa entry ko sa CJ. Naisip ko na makakatulong ito sa typing skills ko at kahit papano ay makakabawas sa pagkainis ko sa putanginang Creative journal na yan.

BABALA!!!

2006-11-22T21:18:00.000+08:00

Babala! merong tinuturing na blog killer, tinatawag siyang creative journal...

Unti unti niyang pinapagod ang nagmamayari ng blog sa pamamagitan ng pagpilit sa tao sa pagsulat dito. Humihingi ito ng tatlong pahina na tala sa kung ano ang nagawa mo sa araw. Dahil dito maaring marindi ang blogger at tamarin nang sumulat sa online blog dahil hindi naman nabibigyan ng grado ang kanyang online blog samantalang ang CJ ay malaking bahagi sa pangkalahatang grado ng magaaral...

Metlog...

2006-11-18T01:41:00.000+08:00

This post should have been done Thursday, however I fell asleep at around 9:00 pm and didn't wake up until 3 in the morning so I didn't have the time to make it...

We were discussing Hans Gadamer's Man and Language in Philo 102 class and suddenly Sir Strebel mentioned a term while talking about the evolution of language. He said he was channel surfing when he came upon the term METLOG. It was able to pique my interest so using the powers of the internet I searched for the two words that make up METLOG (metrosexual and jologs) and got these:

Metrosexual:
Metrosexuality is the trait of an urban male who has a strong aesthetic sense and spends a great amount of time and money on his appearance and lifestyle.

Jologs:
1. any person deemed to be acting, exhibiting behaviors, in a manner similar to the commonly observed behavior of slums teenagers
2. gaudy, un-elegant, without refinement in taste

Strong aesthetic sense doesn't really describe me though I do spend a great amount of time (not necessarily great amount of money though) on trying to improve my appearance and lifestyle. On the other hand the 1st definition for jologs is a bit too discriminatory for my tastes so I guess I'll go with the second one.

So there just enriching my philosophical knowledge :P

As a side note, I really had a hard time pinpointing what jologs really means, many definitions for such a commonly used word that it's really hard to tell what a person really means when he/she mentions the term. However I found one that seems to be one of the more believable terms:

"isn't jologs an amalgamation of "dyaryo-yosi-tulog"? used to describe tambays of the 60s and 70s"

I guess if we take it from that, a description of tambays or their culture, then we could see how it could snowball into the connotations that come with the term now.

balik tanaw...

2006-11-13T00:16:00.000+08:00

Ilang oras na lang, simula na ng panibagong sem. 2nd sem na, pero bago ko lagyan ng bagong leksyon ang utak ko, naisip ko na tignan kung ano nga ba talaga ang natutunan ko sa mga klase ko noong sem na nagdaan.

Nakahiga ako sa kama ng biglang tumalon sa utak ko yung isang tanong ni Bob Ong sa isa sa mga libro niya (kung di ako nagkakamali dun sa ABNKKBSNPLKo) sabi dito: Ano ang natutunan mo?

Philosophy 101 (Card Grade: C+)
Sa totoo lang hindi ko nagamay ni katiting ng mga itinurong teorya o pamamaraan ng mga kilalang pilosopo (tinginingining na marcel at parmenides yan). Siguro ang natutunan ko ay ang kahalagahan ng teamwork (hindi naman pandaraya sa test na uri ng teamwork yung discussions lang naman tungkol sa thesis statements).

History 166 (Card Grade: C+)
Eto yung parang sci 10 ko nung 2nd year ako. Hindi naman sa ipinagmamalaki ko pero lagi nanaman akong tulog sa klase dito. Pero dahil sa lagi akong tulog sa discussions, natutunan ko ang kahalagahan ng pagkuha sa mga readings, hindi na sapat yung manghihiram ka ng reading ng kakalese tapos cram 10 minutes before the test dahil lahat ng kakilala mo ay nagaaral din. Nakuha ko rin ang kahalagahan ng pagiging gising sa tamang oras (i.e. kapag may importanteng slide na pinapakita o kapag katabi na yung prof)

Marketing 101 (Card Grade: B)
Kung tatanungin ako ng tungkol sa kahit ano mang tinuro sa marketing ngayon wala ata akong maisasagot maliban sa kung ano ang 4p's. Pero kung tutuusin kahit papano pwede naman talagang daanin na sa common sense at pagiintindi sa sitwasyon na iprinisinta yung mga sagot. sabi nga ni Sir, when it comes to the real world, no one would really ask you what the 4p's are or the different terms and stuff, it's the application of those that come into play. Siguro ang natutunan ko dito ay kung saan makakahanap ng murang long sleeves para sa pang defense namin... (sa may gilid ng 2nd floor ng ali mall). Natuto rin akong tumambay sa starbucks dahil sa marketing. Unang rason dahil maingay sa bahay kapag gumagawa na ng case papers at pangalawa para makisaksak ng laptop at celphone sa starbucks nung minalas at nawalan ng kuryente ang buong metro manila.

Theology 131 (Card Grade: B+)
Masaya tong klase na to. Si Fr. Rexay maraming nasabing maituturing na noteworthy pero basta ang pinakanatutunan ko dito, hindi lahat ng mukhang kasalanan ay kasalanan. meron ka pang "it depends" na pwedeng gamitin kapag nagiisip ka na kung pupunta ka ba sa langit o impiyerno at nagbibilang ka na ng mga nagawa mo sa mundo.

CS 30 (Card Grade: B+)
I learned that Confidence can really go a long way... Knowing that you are "in your element" enables you to go and speak your heart out and not fear mucking up. That feeling of finally knowing what you are saying (as compared to previous subjects) gives you the power to go full blast as you fire words after words of explanation. I still remember that nearly effortless tirade I had in discussing the prototype website for our group's panel defense which leads us to the next thing I learned... that letters are not numbers :P

Ok ayan, show time na ulit. 2nd sem na...

Everywhere...

2006-11-06T03:23:00.000+08:00

I consider the past Sunday as the last day of vacation. This because the week ahead requires me to go to school for getting my advisement slip, grades and reg form. Then enrollment and payment. These things would actually just take probably a couple of days from the week, but it sure breaks the days when I could just bum at home, watch tv, listen to music or surf the net all day.

Despite the need to wake up early for me to beat the rush in getting the advisement slips and grades and stuff, again I can't sleep. For some reason I think I've really been affected by yesterday's "events." As i said in last night's post, it seems pretty ironic that when things seem like they are supposed to stop, the more they come back to you, the more they attach themselves to you.

Cause everytime I look
You're never there
And everytime I sleep
You're always there

Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I close my eyes
It's you I see
You're everything I know
That makes me believe
I'm not alone

You're in everyone I see
So tell me
Do you see me?

For some reason I'm trying to fit the events yesterday into that song. It seems possible but there are some parts where it doesn't really jive with the idea.

This is really getting frustrating I don't know why I'm very very affected by the events. Could it be that I have something else going on within me...?

Liwanag kang dagling sumilaw sa 'king mga mata...

2006-11-05T03:34:00.000+08:00

Hindi ako makatulog ngayon, kung titignan ng marami ituturing na nilang normal yung ganito sa akin, lagi naman daw akong nagpupuyat, ganito naman daw talaga ang buhay ko. Pero ngayong gabi (o umaga, depende na lang sa kung anong perspective ang nais mong gamitin) na ito alam ko sa sarili ko na hindi ito pangkaraniwang katamaran sa pagtulog.

May mga bagay kanina na maituturing kong panggising sa isang pananaginip, ika nga ni Pat Velasquez, "ano lang yan para ka lang sinampal ng karanasan/katotohanan." Nakakaaliw na ilang araw lang ang nakalipas noong nadama ko na tila abot kamay na ang minsang inakalang hindi makakamtan, tapos kanina inabutan na ako nang realidad. Ang realidad na sa bawat pangarap, panaginip at pagasa, may kalakip na pagkabigo.

Ngayon lang ata ako nawalan ng sasabihin upang maibahagi kung ano ang nararamdaman ko. Marami akong gustong sabihin tungkol sa nangyari, nghunit hindi mahanap ang mga salitang makapagpapalabas nito. Isang bagay na gusto mong ipagsigawan pero wala ka namang boses. At gusto ko talagang magsalita dahil isa ito sa mga paraan ko sa pagpurga ng emosyon pero yun nga ngayon blanko ako.

Nakakatawa lang kasi na imbis na pakawalan na sa isipan ang kung anumang pangarap ang dating namuo sa utak ko mas lalo pa itong pumipintig at binigyan ng kahulugan. Sabi nga nung kanta

"Putulin man ang tali ay
Sadyang walang kawala
Sa pagkaakit at di paglapit
Nananalangin at umaasa"

Kung kelan nga naman pinaharap sa katotohonan dun ko pa mas magagamay kung gaano pala kalalim yung mga pangarap ko. Ganon lang siguro ang takbo ng buhay ngayon. Tapos na kasi birthday ko kaya back to normal na haha. Unintentional birthday gift lang yung naganap haha.

Hindi naman siguro naiintindihan ng kung sino mang bumabasa ng blog na ito ang tinutukoy ko pero yun nga sinusubukan ko pa ring dumada dahil sabi ko nga sa taas paraan ng pagpurga o pagpapakawala ito para sa akin, pero sa totoo lang ang isang linyang to ay halos sapat na para kahit papano ihayag ang diwa ng mga binabanggit ko ngayon.

"Nararapat bang pigilan ang Damdamin na lalong mahulog sa iyo?"

19

2006-11-03T01:36:00.000+08:00

Another November 2 has passed, I am now 19 years old...

I didn't really go to great lengths to celebrate my birthday, actually the only thing that makes it different from any other day was the birthday greetings and the dinner with the family.

I guess I started day by watching simpsons, then chatting with Jeerah and James, texting early greeters, then playing word racer with Jeerah til around 4:30 in the morning. And because I stayed up quite late, I woke up at 11:00 and wasn't really able to do much haha. I just watched some tv, went to the gym, went back home played some games on the computer, then went out again to buy a webcam. After that a family dinner, played poker online, chatted a bit, and that's basically it.

Really not that special or anything I guess. Oh yeah, I'm 0 for everything on the wish list I made so that's a bummer. The Lakers won though so it's still good.

365 more days til I stop being a teenager...

wishlist...

2006-11-01T17:50:00.000+08:00

Was watching an NBA game a while ago. The Lakers (my favorite team) against the Suns. Saw Andrew Bynum, the 19 year old starting center for the Lakers play like an NBA Live version of himself. I remember in the dynasty mode of NBA Live 06 I'd put him as starting center (along with Kwame, Lamar, Kobe and whoever else is available) and watch him decimate opposing centers because of his height and build. NBA Live 07's no different as I use him (having traded away Mihm) as a primary center (Odom being the PG and Kwame being PF, Radmanovic at SF and Kobe at SG) and again dominate just by his sheer size and bulk.

And boom after the first quarter saw Phoenix erupt for 41 points, I got tired of watching and just decided to go online. However the fan in me decided to check back on the TV and low and behold it seems like Andrew Bynum was being controlled by me in a laker dynasty in NBA Live.

However despite the story, the only key word here is 19

00, 19 sa ilang oras na lang magiging 19 years old na ako. At dahil magbibirthday na rin naman ako, naisip ko maglagay ng wishlist ng regalo haha umaasa na may mga magbabasa nito at maisip na regaluhan ako ng kung ano man ang nakasulat dito. Asa pa! Pero libre lang naman ang umasa di ba? hahaha

Ang ilalagay ko lang naman ay mga materyal na bagay, kahit papano masasabi ko na maswerte na ako sa mga bagay na tinuturing ng mga taong priceless...

(in order of priority hehe)
1. Bagong Computer
- oo alam kong kahit papano kaya pa ng computer ko ang mga applications na lumalabas ngayon (hindi lang ang mga laro) pero napagisipisip ko kasi na halos dead end na ang computer na ito. Ang AGP slot ay pumapatay sa pagasa ng part upgrade dahil ang karaniwang lumalabas na bagong video card ngayon ay PCI-E cards na. At kapag pinalitan naman ang motherboard damay na rin dito ang processor, video cards, at memory modules so in short bagong computer na.
- I would really want one of those new fangled dual core things or the Amd equivalent Athlon 64 ata yun, then a top of the line videocard (if possible yung dual video card na rin, i think they call it sli crossfire or something), 2 gigs of ram, and 300gigs of hard drive space. I'd also love to have an lcd monitor (mas mura daw sa kuryente to) and a pretty good cooling system.
2. Lots of Money (doesn't everybody?)
- pandagdag sa pambili ng computer (i guess that kind of setup would cost around P60,000)
3. XBOX 360 or PS3
- kaso mahal daw cd's nito so mapapagastos pa ako lalo at siguradong wasak ang pagaaral ko kapag nagkaroon ako nito so wag na haha
4. digital SLR camera
- inggit pa rin ako dun sa camera ni RJ

(wow puro mahal ata to haha yayariin ako nung magulang ko kapag nakita nila to hahaha)

5. External Hard drive with case na rin
- Para mas madali magbackup ng files
- maganda na yung mga 100 gig nito ahaha

(teka mahal pa rin ata to)

6. Shades
- ewan mahilig talaga ako sa shades...
- di ko lang type yung mga parang bubuyog type aviator shades

(hmm hindi naman ata practical)

7. Shirts
- gusto ko yung eurofit haha sabi ni kuya trainer (nakalimutan ko pangalan hehe) tumitino na raw yung balikat/dibdib ko so sige ipagmalaki natin haha pero dahil malaki pa rin yung tiyan ko di pa pwede yung hard core body fit type.
- black or red as usual
8. Jogging Pants/Track suit
- hmm wala trip lang ahaha
- black or red as usual
9. Pants
- tumangkad ako ng kaunti (buti naman 19 na ako eh 2 years na lang at wala na raw akong itatangkad pa) at may mga pantalon na akong bitin
- at least hindi masikip, bitin lang talaga
- maong, slacks whatever else

Yun haha wishlist lang naman, siyempre appreciated pa rin naman kahit anong regalo, kung meron man o wala :)

Haha

sa saliw ng yong pag tingin ang oras ay bumibilis...

2006-10-31T01:16:00.000+08:00

Nakaramdam na ako ng antok bago ko pa man simulan ang blog na ito, subalit hindi ko pa talaga gustong matulog, gusto ko pa kasing makinig ng mga kanta at naisip ko na ayos din namang magblog habang pinapakinggan ko ang mga awiting nasa playlist ko ngayon.

Sa hindi ko malamang dahilan karamihan ng kantang kinahihiligan ko ngayon ay galing sa Sponge Cola, Nasa playlist ko ang Tuliro, Pasubali, Dragonfly (yung version na galing sa cd na pinamigay ata sa isang gig nila noong ang hit pa lang nila ay yung Crazy for you), Una, Lunes at Gemini (piano remastered version galing sa repackaged album). Kasama sa playlist ang Love You Only na kanta ng TOKIO at ang Your Love ng Alamid.

Dahil wala naman talaga akong ideya sa kung ano ang magandang itala ngayon sa blog ko, Ikwekwento ko na lang ang aking araw.

Uumpisahan ko sa pagpatak ng 12:00 ng madaling araw dahil medyo naalala ko pa ang nangyari. Naglalaro ako ng NBA Live 2007 sa PC habang nakikipagtext sa isang kaibigan, nang dumating ang text niya nakita ko na 11:58pm na pala (Linggo), Naalala ko na ang October 30, ay kaarawan ng kaibigan ko kaya ayun nagtext ako sa kanya ng Happy Birthday (muli Happy Birthday Jeerah!) tapos noon tinuloy tuloy ko lang ang aking paglalaro hanggang sa may isa naman akong kaibigan na tila hindi makatulog kaya text text muna (Iyah matulog ka na :P).

Umabot din siguro kami ng mga alas 3 ng madaling araw ng napagpasyahan ko na tama na kailangan ko na ng pahinga dahil gusto ko pang mag-gym mamaya, kaya ayun nagpaalam na ako at natulog. Makalaipas ang mga 4 o 5 oras na tulog, naligo na ako at nagpunta na sa MLSC fitness center o mas kilala bilang Moro gym hehe.

Kaso sadyang malas ata ang umaga kanina at medyo pinagtripan ako ng panahaon. Biglang bumuhos ang ulan habang naglalakad ako papunta doon sa gym, kaya ayun naging two tone yung pantalon ko napilitan na rin akong magtricycle dahil medyo malakas na rin talaga yung ulan. Nakaabot naman ako ng gym ng hindi mukhang bagong laba ang suot kong damit pero ayun lang basa pa rin.

Marahil siguro dahil sa puyat at lamig, medyo tinatamad ang katawan ko magworkout, pagkatapos lang ng onting buhat at takbo wala na suko na hehe parang masarap magpahinga pero yun nga hindi pa tapos ang araw, may basketball pa pagkatapos ng workout na to.

Mga 12:00 ng hapon kami pumunta ng covered courts para maglaro ng basketball. Ayos lang nakakapagod matagal tagal na rin ata akong hindi naglalaro ng 5 on 5 , idagdag pa diyan yung lamig nung hangin at yung pagod dahil sa pagwoworkout kanina at yun sabog na talaga yung paglalaro ko hehe. Pero kahit papano naman may mga maganda akong nagawa sa court, at sa istilo ko ng paglalaro basta may maganda akong nagawa wala na akong pakialam sa score hehehe.

Mga 3 oras siguro kaming naglalaro ng Basketball at ng mapagod na ay napagisipin naming kumain. Kaya punta na kami sa CR para maghugas at magbihis. Eh dahil hindi namin tinignan kung bukas yung shower area, nagpakanda hirap kaming maligo sa sink (oo tama maligo, kumpleto shampoo at sabon, nagawa na rin kasi namin ito dati). Nung medyo nabwisit na ako sabi ko baka naman bukas tong shower area, kaya tinignan ko at ayun nga, anak ng torotot bukas palaa yung bwiset na shower room.

Ang plano sana sa KFC katipunan kami kakain, kaso dahil walang parking ayun pumunta kami ng Eastwood. Eastwood lunes na lunes at alas 3 pa ng hapon, nakakapanibago at mukhang ghost town ang eastwood hehe. Ayun ang ending imbis na KFC naging Fazzolis ang kinainan. Masarap yung libreng tinapay, hindi ko lang alam kung masarap siya dahil masarap siya or dahil libre.

Tapos napagisipan na manood ng sine, yung pinagbibidahan ni Batman at ni Wolverine, yung The Prestige. pero dahil 4:30 pa lang noon at 5:20 pa yung next screening nagpunta muna kami sa Powerstation. Ganda rin ng timing dahil malapit na ang birthday ko, at dahil malapit na ang birthday ko meron akong free P200 load sa Powerstation so ayos. Nagamit ko yung 30 pesos doon sa 200 na libre sa Dream Catcher at well successful naman haha nakabingwit ako ng:
Tapos ayun na showtime na, ng paakyat kami sa escalator nakakita ako ng celebrity, nasa likod ko si Joey De Leon, papapicture sana ako kaso naisip ko na siguro gusto niyo ng private time kaya di ko na inistorbo, baka batukan pa ko o lumabas ako bigla sa wow mali mahirap na madiscover pa ako hahahaha

Pagkatpos ng kalahating oras ng trailers, sa wakas palabas na, sa totoo lang medyo inaantok ako nung una, malamang dahil sobrang antok na ako dahil sa kakulangan ng tulog, pagod sa workout at basketball at dami ng kinain (iba na ang libre). Pero unti-unti akong nahatak nung pelikula, maganda siya pero mas gusto ko si Wolverine kaysa sa magician. Aaminin ko na may katangahan ako ng isipin ko na medyo action packed yung pelikula (yung tipong magic na tinuturing eh yung mga tipong fireball at kung anuman) pano ba naman si Bale nakita ko sa Batman Begins, si Jackman sa X-Men tapos si Scarlet naman sa FHM at sa The Island so siyempre kala ko talaga medyo may mga amazing fight scenes pero yun nga wala. Pero maliban sa disappointment ko na yon masasabi kong naenjoy ko yung pelikula.

Pagkatapos nun uwian na, sabay ako kay alden hanggang katipunan tapos LRT na pauwi. Pagdating sa bahay, ayun ligo, online, laro, chat, at laro ulit tapos eto na, nakikinig na sa patapos na playlist at naghahanda ng matulog...

(sana may makagets kung bakit yan yung title ko)

Ocean Park 2

2006-10-30T22:10:00.001+08:00

Minsan nakakatawa ang buhay, may mga panahong wala ka nang pakialam, hindi mo na iniisip kung paano mo gagawin ang isang bagay, at biglang Boom! walang pasabing showtime na, hindi mo na kailangang maghanda dahil ibibigay na sa iyo ang hinahanap mo.

Nakakaaliw dahil matapos ang unang episode ng Ocean Park di na gaanong dumampi sa isip ko ang mga dating plinano. Wala nang problema kung dadaanin ba sa biro, idaramay ang isang kaibigang ngayon ay nandoon na o anuman. Naisip ko na wala eh, tapos na lumipas na ang pagkakataon.

(siguro kahit papano mas malinaw to kaysa sa unang ocean park story, pero malabo pa rin )

Naisip ko tuloy parang ganito lang yan eh. Sabi nga sa nakaraang post, sarado na ang ocean park, wala ng mga dolphin. Pero bumalik ka sa lugar na yun, wala lang siguro kasi kahit walang dolphin, gusto mo yung lugar. Tapos makikita mo OI! may dolphin show na ulit pala. At hindi lamang basta bastang dolphin show, makikita mong nakapaskel ang mga impormasyon tungkol sa dolphin. At magagamit mo ang impormasyon na yun upang makakalap pa ng mas maraming bagay tungkol sa kinahihiligan mong dolphins!

(Sana may part 3)

Pilosopiya...

2006-10-29T23:47:00.000+08:00

I do remember during one of the Philosophy 101 classes earlier in the semester a discussion on what philosophy is. Many answers popped out of that discussion such as a method of thinking, a kind of organization of ideas, a perspective and a way of life. I think the discussion led to the class talking about the renowned philosophers as models for our own Philosophy. And while I was able to go through the Philo 101 class (hopefully i passed it) I still can't really put the thoughts in the writings of Fr. Ferriols, Parmenides, Heidegger, Marcel, Descartes, Plato, Luijpen or Tassi as a model for my own Philosophizing.

However, I do have one world renowned character who I believe could be a model for my philosophy.

Here's a sample of his thoughts (click images to enlarge):

Life in a nutshell I guess. In the words of a six year old kid and an imaginary tiger. Perhaps those philosophers mentioned above gave much sharper insights on life and living, with their deeper thoughts but I'd still pick Calvin over them anytime. I think Calvin is a pretty good example on how highfalutin words (like highfalutin) are not necessary in giving out good insights. Perhaps one of the reasons I had a difficult grasp of philosophy was the language that they used and Calvin and Hobbes really do give a good respite from all of that.

Life and Living?
Existence?
Sophon and Abstraction Free Living?

If only I could get Mr. Strebel to teach us Philosophy classes in terms of Calvin and Hobbes...

Ocean Park...

2006-10-28T00:04:00.000+08:00

Minsan nakakatawa ang buhay, may mga panahong handang handa ka na, napagisipan mo buong maghapon kung paano mo gagawin ang isang bagay at pagdating ng panahon kung saan show time na, at magagamit mo na ang hinanda mo, wala na, tapos na pala ang palabas. Nahuli ka na. Sorry na lang, next time na lang ulit...

Nakakaaliw dahil halos isang buong gabi kong plinano kung paano ko gagawin ang naisip ko. Dadaanin ba sa biro, sa pagdamay ng isang kaibigang wala naman doon. Noong matapos naisip ko bahala na, shotgun na lang, pero basta gagawa ako. Tapos ayun, pagdating ng kinabukasan, sabit pa bwiset hehe.

(oo alam kong sobrang labo niyan, pero ayaw ko lang kasing ibigay yung tunay na pangyayari dahil baka mapahiya lang ako haha)

Naisip ko tuloy parang ganito lang yan eh. Gusto mong makakita ng mga dolphin. Pumunta ka ng hong kong, kinausap mo na yung mga chinese na hindi mo maintindihan ang english para magtanong kung paano pumunta sa ocean park. Noong nasa lugar ka na, wala na sarado na pala ang ocean park, wala nang dolphin, maghanap ka na lang daw ng daga sa disneyland.

(alam ko siguro mga 3 o 4 na tao lang ang makakaintindi niyan pero sige lang)

Surprise...

2006-10-27T23:35:00.000+08:00

Nakakagulat lang na minsan kapag akala mong sabog na ang lahat bibigyan ka ng buhay ng isang bagay na magpapangiti sa yo.
Hehe yeah! 3.5 sa Philosophy 101 Final Oral Exams , kahit papano nakabawi ako. Siyempre gusto ko ng A, pero 3.5 is good as well. (si Chino naka A haha astig).

Siguro nararapat lang na pasalamatan si Keb Soriano, dahil malaking tulong yung nagawa niya sa akin dito sa thesis statement na to hehe. Salamat din kay James at Jeerah na naalala kong kumakausap sa akin habang inaantay ko si Keb matapos dun sa ginagawa niyang thesis statements hahaha.a

Sembreak...

2006-10-22T23:29:00.000+08:00

Haven't really blogged much regarding the 1st sem, quite ironic since it is really one of the more event-filled semesters in my college life. So here's a photoblog of some sorts to recap some of the more noteworhty events in the 1st sem.

Third year, it's really quite amazing to realize that I've already been in college for three years. I guess Time really flies so fast. Sabi nga ni Hans dun sa signature niya sa emails... "Juniors na pala tayo..."

For some reason, the school decided to change the orientation of the id, pretty ok though, although i gotta admit it was a bit weird during the first few days.
There was also the SPEED amazing race thing, well it was fun but honestly I can't really remember much about it, save for that it happened a few days before Pat's birthday and he treated some of the members to yellow cab.

The reason I mentioned this event was that I saw these pictures on the computer. It reminded me just how much a wannabe photographer I am. These pics were taken using RJ's digital SLR and well I really would want to have one of my own. I'm not really looking for a top of the line model I guess, something that would help me in my hobby of taking pictures.

One of the things that made the 1st sem quite busy was the marketing class that I had. In hindisight I guess it wasn't really that hard but the thing with that class it that it required a lot of work. And for someone like me who tends to procrastinate and then cram, that class was probably not the best one for me.

So here's a picture I took while doing a case paper for marketing. I was in Starbucks and I was getting frustrated with staring at my laptop without anything to write so I just took some pictures. The digital camera was very unreliable and was really no better than a cellphone camera but luckily a pretty neat image came out in this one shot. As I said I guess I'm a photographer wannabe.

I had my history 166 class during this sem. And 20 percent of the class grade there was the field trip activity. It was on a Sunday, and it was fun but parts of it were really quite frustrating. Some of the places were flat out boring and we even encountered some engine trouble on the way home.

However, there was a part in the trip which I really enjoyed and this was the one where we went to bluroze farms. The place was really cool, it seemed very close to nature, very relaxing I guess. It was also quite scenic and me being the photographer wannabe that I am tried to take some scenic shots hehe.

Of course I wouldn't want to be left out so I asked my friend to take a shot of me as well haha.

One of the more tense moments of the semester came with the marketing final defense. An hour to really try to defend what we had been working on for the entire sem. The grade that we got was a bit below par (unfortunately not in golf terms) but I really believe it was a pretty fun experience that we had.

After the defense, we were all elated I guess, that we went to Teriyaki Boy to celebrate freedom. It was pretty cool that nearly the whole block was there, even Khristian who was supposed to be in Macau was able to drop by :)

Well, before we left Vanjo was taking pictures using Kathy's digicam and I had this shot which i really like for some reason ahaha here goes :)

After the marketing defense, was well another defense, this time for CS. I believe that I performed way better in here than I did in the marketing defense probably because I was in my element. So here's a shoutout to my groupmates and to James who helped us even if he was busy as well.

I guess there were a lot more events that were not mentioned. The ACTM sports fest,SOM week, the IAC games, the moments with the groupmates, countless encounters and conversations and many more. They all brought something great to my experiece. So I guess thanks for that, Here's hoping for an even better 2nd Sem!

(in)vulnerable?

2006-10-18T00:39:00.000+08:00

It's finals week for Ateneo right now... despite the seemingly hectic pace of my school life for this semester due to the requirements of the different subjects (more on these on another post), for some reason I was still able to find time to type my thoughts.

It's this "some reason" that I want to focus on in this edition of my ramblings in life I call my blog. You see, I think I kind of understand why despite the stress of finals week, the hassles of school works and other miscellaneuos stuff, I'm still able to calm myself and play and do things that I actually enjoy.

I think it's because I've never really felt vulnerable to failure. This is not a show of how confident I am in my smarts and abilities but rather a (shall I call it) "defect" in my way of thinking. I think I am always able to find that trust, that confidence in myself when facing difficulty, may it be exams, defenses, reports, orals and the like. That belief that I can do it, that I would not fail, that I'll be able to make it through. I think this is the "kaya yan" mentality that I have.

This way of living would actually be useful if I had the mind to back it up, but you see I was not blessed with a genius mind, I think that what I was blessed with is a mind that's good enough. And yes, even I would say that going through life with this kind of mindset is a shitty way of living as I'm gonna be stuck in mediocrity. However, it also can't be denied, that as I coast in the things that I do (the essays, reports and panel defenses) I make it through, and sometimes what I would do would actually be deemed great, so I guess it's ok for now...

I would like to change though, in a way I would want to have a mindset that accepts its vulnerability, a way of thinking that would make me want to strive for more even if I know that what I would normally do would be good enough...

I guess I want to be vulnerable in a way, and the only way I see that it would happen is if I fail. Of course I wouldnt want to fail, so I guess Im stuck in this cycle until something hits me and makes me yearn to strive for more...

Oh well, I've got my history finals in around12 hours and again I'm still in that "kaya yan", "alam ko na yan" mode. I read the readings already and part of me believes that It's good enough although perhaps if I felt more vulnerable to failure, I would study more...

I'll see I guess. It could be a failure waiting to happen and this may actually be the one that wakes me up... but my mind only half believes me, up to now it still shouts "Kaya Yan!"

perhaps...

2006-10-11T00:10:00.000+08:00

I was procrastinating some minutes ago, I was too lazy to do the last of my tasks for the 1st sem of this school year (writing additional code/text for the cs website to be presented on our defense and the case papers for marketing). As part of this procrastination routine I checked my friendster account and saw one of those bulletin posts.

That bulletin post was a common survey, one that was usually done by people who have some extra time in their hands. A few questions here and there, inquiries on your opinions on things around you.

Yes, as I said it was just a common survey, nothing to be taken too seriously, just some ramblings by a more likely than not bored person who's just passing some time. But for some reason, it opened something in me, it was able to make me ponder on things that were, that are, and those that would be.

Halos kalahating taon na rin ang lumipas ng binanggit ko ang linyang bumabalik sa akin ngayon. Isang linya na maituturing kong nagpabago sa aking buhay. Naalala ko na binanggit ko ang mga salitang yoon dahil sa halo halong damdamin ng poot, sakit, pagiintindi at pagmamahal...

Maaring ako lamang ang makakaintindi kung bakit ko sinabi ang linyang yon, pero ngayon na halos anim na buwan na ang lumipas mas lalo kong nakikita ang rason ng pagbitaw ko sa mga salitang "Hindi na kita kayang alagaan." Ngayon mas nakikita ko na kahit papano nahalata ko na nga ang ang bagay na nagudyok sa akin upang sabihin yun.

Perhaps I could attribute it to foresight or perhaps just an understanding of things as they happen. I guess during that time 6 months ago (and perhaps even before that) I already felt that there was something lacking in me, something that I would not be able to do or to give. Perhaps I felt that I was really becoming a hindrance to something, I am not saying that this is the main reason why i did the thing i did, but I would not be lying when I say that I took this into account.

I guess it is undeniable that I still do care for her, perhaps I wouldn't have read that bulletin post if I don't have any feelings for her anymore. But it's also, quite pleasing to see to feel that I was right in what I felt all along...

These Days...

2006-10-10T00:44:00.000+08:00

Before I actually typed this blog, I read through many of my previous posts dating back to the start of this blog. I noticed that there was a time when I religiously posted nearly every day, but now posts come few and far between... I don't think it's really the hectic schedules or the lack of even that contributes to this but perhaps a reason that I already tackled before.

I think that it is partly a lack of inspiration to actually write these things. A lack of inspiration that stems from the realiztaion that as of now, no one would really care about what I write in this blog. As I wrote before, I guess deep in the heart of every blogger, is the yearning for someone to actually read the blog...

Currently Listening to:
Bamboo - These Days

Taralets

2006-09-09T02:29:00.000+08:00

I remember an event when I was still in first year college where a stranger treated me to 16 pesos worth or printing. I never found out who that girl was so I was never really able to show my gratitude (save for that awkward thank you) or repay her kindness...

At least not until now...

No, I wasn't able to meet her but I guess with what happened I could say that in some way I was able to repay the kindness done to me by a stranger.

Last Monday (september 4 i think) was one of those awkward weather days wherein it starts out with the sun blazing hot only for heavy rain clouds to form in the afternoon. I had one class for that day which was History 166, scheduled at 3:30-4:30. I got to class at around 3:20 I guess, I didn't go to the gym earlier so I came from my house experiencing the hot glaring sun on my way to that class only to notice that after around 10 minutes or so of class, rain was starting to pour quite heavily.

I was hoping that the rain would stop during the class so I could go home on with dry clothes but perhaps that was not the plan for today. So after class, bringin out my umbrella I just headed for home, passing through my usual SOM walkway route listening to my mp3 player/digital camera ( i dare not say the brand which might make some people snicker). I was nearing the parking lot area when I felt a tap on my shoulder, a girl asked me if I could share the umbrella with her. And I said yes, we exchanged names, some words a handshake before she reached her destination and I proceeded to go to mine.

Perhaps my story is not that unusual, perhaps it may even sound self-serving or akin to someone tooting his own horn, but you see I am writing this not really because I care about the act that I did but to try and fulfill a promise that I made to myself ever since that Glacial love event ( i originally typed incident but it does seem a bit negative).

After that event (GL) I told myself that no matter if i helped him/her or he/she helped me, no matter how small our small talk is, as long as I was able to interact with someone, then I would consider that person not just a stranger but actually an acquaintance. Someone who is not really a friend but could be one.

In reality I am writing this story to reach out to that girl, perhaps a friend of hers would read this story and pass iton to her and perhaps we could contact each other. I do remember I tried this same method for that Glacial Love girl to no success but perhaps I am a bit wiser now. At least now I have a name, a school, a year and course to work with (of course this is assuming that she was telling the truth) and not just a description of a cute smile and a class that she attended.

So to that UP Freshman girl named Ice? (Aiz?, Eys?, Yse? I really don't know but it sure sounded like that) taking up BA HIstory (this I remember quite clearly) if you could read this drop me a line. It would be nice to know how that rainy day turned out :)

Sigaw...

2006-08-28T01:24:00.000+08:00

Matagal ko na nakita ang pahayag na ito. Isang headline sa diyaryong (kung di ako nagkakamali, Libre) binabasa nung isang lalaki doon sa megatren. Nadaplisan lang ng mga mata ko noong tumayo ako sa may tabi nung mama.

"Who do you write for?"

Yan ang sabi ng pahayag. Ang pahayag na iyun ay nakabaon sa utak ko hanggang ngayon. Sa tuwing magbabasa ako ng mga entry sa mga blog ng kung sino-sino, ng mga taong kilala at mga estranghero, isa sa mga naiisip ko ang tanong na iyun.

Sa isang post ng aking dating guro sa Filipino nabasa ko naman ang isang pahayag na bumaon muli sa isipan ko.

"Write to express not to impress."

Marahil ay isa itong pahayag upang maiparating sa mga tao na nagsusulat ako para sa aking sarili, wala akong pakialam kung gusto niyo o hindi ang mga naparirito, hindi ako nagsusulat para mang-aliw ngunit para magpahayag.

Ano naman ang kinalaman ng mga ito sa akin? Naisip ko kasi noong binabasa ko ang mga dati kong isinulat na may mga panahong na walang kwenta ang mga nilalagay kong posts dito. Na yung iba puro arte, puro palabok at yung iba naman parang pinagdikit dikit lang na salita upang makagawa na ng post.

Naisip ko na ang blog na ito ay pwedeng maihambing sa isang mama sa kalye (ako) na sumisigaw sa mga tao sa kalye (ang mga tao sa internet). Sumisigaw lang ng sumisigaw (posts lang ng post) at bahala na kung may makinig o wala. Walang pakialam kung importante o hindi, kung may ibig sabihin o wala basta ang kanya nakapagsabi siya ng gusto niyang sabihin.

Kapag naiisip ko na ang blog ko ay parang ganong tao, hindi ko mapigilang tumigil at magisip. Baka naman ang blog ko ay puro ingay lang at wala naman talagang naidudulot na matino para sa kaninoman.

Nang maisip ko ito, sinubukan kong usisain kung bakit nga ba ako nagsusulat, kung bakit nga ba ako naglalagay ng mga pangyayari at nadarama sa buhay ko sa isang website. Lumabas na isang malaking bahagi nito ay ang simpleng pagpapakawala sa naiipon na damdamin, ngunit kasama ng pagpapakawala na ito, ay ang daing na sana kahit papano may magbasa at makaintindi o makiramay sa nararamdaman ko at sana kahit papano may matuto sa mga isinulat ko.

May nga nagsasabi kasing hindi raw ganoon ang blog, ang blog daw basta kung anong sa iyo ilabas mo at ayos na sila doon. Naniniwala ako na kahit ikaila man, sabihin mang personal na damdamin ang mga napapaloob sa mga sinasabi dito, at walang pakialam sa mga magbabasa ng isinulat hindi maitatago na kaya inilathala at inilagay sa internet ang mga saloobin ay dahil kahit papano umaasang may pakialam ang iba sa yo. Na sa bawat pindot ng "Post button" ay may kalakip na pagaasam na mayroong babasa sa naisulat. Kaya online ito at hindi ginagawa sa ms word/open office/notepad (at kung ano pa mang text editor) "sinasave" at nilalagay sa isang folder sa hard drive.

Naniniwala rin ako na hanggat makakaya hahanapin dapat ang balanse ng "express" at "impress." Napagtanto ko na hindi ako ang tipo ng tao na kuntento na na basta lamang maipahayag ang aking saloobin, dahil kung may tao mang babasa o didinig ng mga saloobin ko kahit papano ay obligasyon ko sa kanya na ipahayag ito sa maayos na paraan.

Pagbabago...

2006-08-08T23:39:00.000+08:00

Lagpas pa sa apat na buwan na rin ang lumipas mula noong huli akong nagsulat sa blog na ito. Maaring sabihing nalunod ako sa mga gawaing pang-eskwela, sa sariling katamaran at sa mga pangyayari sa aking buhay kaya hindi ko na nagawang maglagay ng kung ano mang bagong post dito.

Sa loob ng apat na buwan na iyon ay marami ng nangyari sa aking buhay. Sa loob ng apat na buwan na iyon ako'y nakaranas ng mga pagbabago sa aking buhay. Ilang mga pagbabago na aking inasahan at ilang aking kinagulat. Mga pagbabagong maituturing na masaya at meron din namang mga maituturing na kalungkutan.
Ngunit asahan man o hindi, gustohin ko man o ayaw, darating at darating ang mga pagbabago. Sabi nga "The only thing constant is this world is change."

Ang pagpapalit ng layout ng blog na ito, makikita ang isang anyo ng pagbabago. Subalit kahit na magpalit o magbago man ang balat o anyong panlabas niya hindi ito inaalis ang mga bagay na naisulat, nabasa at nangyari na. Napapaloob pa rin dito ang aking mga karanasan noong mga lumipas na mga araw, buwan at taon.

Marahil ay masasabi kong ganoon ding ang lagay ng aking buhay. Dumaan man ako sa maraming pagbabago, hindi nito maiaalis ang mga bagay na aking nadama, naranasan at natutunan.

Kailangan lang harapin ang lahat, at maghanda sa mas marami pang darating na pagbabago

The 15th month...

2006-03-25T03:28:00.000+08:00

3:48 ng madaling araw...

"anong bakit?!?! happy monthsary! i love you bie"

Nagsimula ang araw ko sa mga katagang iyan, di kinakaila na siguradong mapapangiti at kikiligin dahil sa mga sinabi niya. Kahit mayroon pang antok (dahil sa pagaaral para sa psych final exam) ay nakakagaan ng loob ang marinig ang boses niyang sinasabi ang mga bagay na iyon.

Nakatulog akong muli matapos nag aming paguusap, medyo kinailangan ko kasi ang pahinga dahil sa gen psych final exam...

9:30am
Anak ng torotot na gen pysch test yan! 100 item multiple choice. Nagaral naman ako kahit papano pero mayroong mga bagay na lumabas na sadyang di ko na talaga maalala. Haha Anak ng Hippocampus, Thalamus, Hypothalamus at lahat pa ng mga lecheng parts of the nervous system and their uses ehehe.

10:30am
Maaga kong natapos ang test kaya agad akong dumeretso sa SM north edsa. Napagisipisip ko na agahan na lang at doon magaantay dahil malamig doon kumpara sa mainit na campus ng Ateneo.

11:30am
Nalaman kong 12:30 pa daw kami dapat magkikita kaya nag PS2 muna ako hehe. Nakakaaliw pa lang maglaro ng smackdown vs. raw 2006. Nalaman ko rin na kapag nahulog pala si Undertaker mula sa taas ng hell in a cell cage, makakabangon pa rin siya kapag nagkaroon ng pin hehe.

12:30nn
Medyo nakatulog ang aking baby ahaha. Mahuhuli daw siya ng pagdating so naglaro ako sa arcade at pagkatpos muli akong naglaro ng smackdown vs. raw 2006 sa ps2 doon sa circuit city. Ngayon naman nalaman ko yung cheesy combo ni rey mysterio. Takbo tapos Up + X (spinning heel kick) tapos pag nagconnect biglang takbo sa ropes para sa isang corkscrew plancha (pag tumama magkakaroon ka na kaagad ng finisher). Nalaman ko rin na yung kalaban ni Rey mysterio mga 3 beses ang kailangang 619 bago tuluyang matalo. Nakakabangon pa kasi sa unang dalawa. Nalaman ko rin na kadalasan yung pangatlong 619 makakasugat sa muka nung kalaban hehe.

2:30pm
Ikot-ikot muna, wala pa ang baby ko :) Napagtripan kong uminom ng choco taro super special eklat sa Quickly. Masarap naman may pagkamahal nga lang sa presyong 60 pesos.

3:30pm
Nagkita na kami ng baby ko, Happy monthsary! Mahal na mahal kita. ü

4:30pm
Nagpunta kami sa Up, May philo classes at mga org thingies siya, ako naman ay nagliwaliw sa may AS walk tumitingin ng mga libro at comics ehehe.

5:30pm
Babalik kami ng SM North. Ang saya nang aming kulitan doon sa jeep, hehe. Mahal na mahal ko talaga siya...

6:00pm
Nakarating na kami sa Sm. Kakain sana kami ngunit sinabi niya nawalan siya ng gana... umuwi na lang daw kami...

Naisip ko na ito ay marahil dahil sa aking kakulangan, sa aking mga kahinaan...

7:00pm
Nakaabot kami sa valenzuela, sumakay siya ng pedicab at sabi niya wag na akong sumama. Kinurot ko ang ilong niya, ngumiti, at pabulong na nagsabi ng i love you... tumalikod at ng medyo umandar na ang sasakyan, sumunod...

Parang telenobela...
Naalala ko si Dao Ming Si at Shan Cai sa meteor garden. Nung hinahabol ni Dao Ming Si yung bus ni Shan Cai...

Kahit papano naabutan ko siya, papasok sa kanyang bahay, dumistansya na ako dahil baka hindi niya magustuhan na nandun ako... at least alam kong ligtas na siya sa kanyang bahay...

3:18am
maliban sa tipa ng mga kamay ko sa keyboard, sa tunog ng cooling fan ng computer, sa tunog ng electic fan sa kwarto, wala nang ibang tunog...

masakit...
"there are 6 billion people in the world... but sometimes, you need just ONE"

Mahal ko ang baby ko, siya ang natatanging kailangan ko...

Naalala ko noong minsang nagkaroon kami ng di pagkakaunwaan. Sa megamall pa yun... sabi niya wag kang umiyak, mag move on ka, get over this...

"I don't want to get over this, because getting over isn't my point. I had something in my life that is beautiful and true. and that my baby isn't something that you get over..." It is something that you continue fighting for until the very last breath dies from you... (yung hindi nakapasok sa quotation ay sariling dagdag na lamang)

Trese...

2006-01-25T00:51:00.000+08:00

Kanina ay ipinagdiwang namin ang aming ika labin tatlong buwan ng pagiging magkasintahan. Pinuntahan ko siya sa kanyang paaralan at inantay ko na matapos ang kanyang klase.

Nang matapos ang klase niya, sumakay kami ng Jeep papuntang SM north at pagkatapos naman ay bumili muna ng maiinom, at makakain sa bus papuntang Valenzuela.

Naisip naming bumili na lamang sa DECS (di ako sigurado kung ganyan nga ang spelling nung shop) Binilhan ko siya ng Soya Milk, habang ang akin naman ay ang Orange and Calmansi Juice . Sa Auntie Anne's naman ay binilhan naman niya ako ng Sour Cream and Onion Pretzel habang ang kanya naman ay ang Cinnamon, sinamahan pa niya ito ng Cream cheese dip.

Nang kami ay nasa bus na papuntang valenzuela, natuwa ako sa aming paraaan ng pagcecelbrate. Isang romantic dinner. Oo, romantic dinner sa bus, na ang pagkain ay auntie annes at ang inumin ay galing decs. oo totoong hindi pang karaniwan ang lugar nito at kahit ang aming kinain ngunit maipagmamalaki ko na ang masayang damdaming nararamdaman habang kami ay nagsalo sa loob ng bus na iyon ay kasing tindi o baka mas higit pa sa kung kumain man kami sa anumang fancy restaurant.

Marahil pinapakita lang nang pangyayari na nasa tao naman talaga ang pagiging sweet o romantic ng isang pangyayari. Hindi kinakailangang umalinsunod sa mga kung ano man ang takda ng kung sinuman ukol sa kung ano ang nararapat upang maging maligaya ang magkasintahan. Basta nandun ang pakiramdam na mahal namin ang isa't isa, magiging masaya ang kahit ano pang gawin namin.

Muli, Happy "monthsary" ü

Currently Listening to:
Depeche Mode - Somebody